I (22F) got into a disagreement with my boyfriend (22M) when I refused to buy him coffee and food because I was having a full body hives outbreak.
For context, I was at work for no more than two hours when I started feeling a burning sensation on my legs. I have very sensitive skin so this wouldn’t have been the first time I’ve dealt with hives. The issue is once I get it, it spreads quickly covering most of my body as well as swelling my throat. Immediately I went to the bathroom and called my boyfriend as I confirmed my hives.
I informed him of the hives and that I’d be leaving work shortly. I had also asked if he could pick me up, I don’t drive. He tells me he just sat down and urges me to take an uber. Usually I wouldn’t mind but being that I only worked two hours it wouldn’t make sense spending $30 on an uber. He ends up dismissing me not believing it’d be that much and saying if it’s too much he’d come.
At this point I hadn’t clocked yet because my managers were giving me a hard time. They told me to go on break and to see how I felt afterwards to which I agreed. But, the hives started to spread up my back. After some fight and panicking I was finally told I could leave. I end up calling my boyfriend again and updating him on the hives. I explain how it was hard for me to move without it burning and that it had spread further up my body. I pleaded again for him to pick me up, this time saying I needed him to bring my antihistamines. After some back and forth we agreed on him getting the antihistamines from my apartment, it’s around the corner from his, and I’ll take the uber back to his apartment. That was until I confirmed the uber is just about $30. He begrudgingly agreed to come get me.
As I waited for him I left my job, too annoyed by management to stay and wait inside the building. I ended up in Starbucks and of course ordered something as I waited. When I text my boyfriend telling him where I’ll be waiting he asked for coffee to which I said no. More specifically I said “after I had to argue with you to pick me up? 😑”. When he finally picked me up and saw that I didn’t order him coffee he was flabbergasted. I asked him “why would I buy you coffee after I had to fight with you about picking me up. While I’m having a severe allergic reaction?”. Of course he didn’t understand and said that he did it anyway so what’s the problem? I kind of ignore him because I shouldn’t have to explain why someone would be upset with their partner being difficult during an emergency situation. He proceeds to ask if I could buy him Chick-fil-a, and I tell him no again. My job is barely above minimum wage, there’s food and coffee at his apartment and I needed to take meds before my hives worsened and closed my throat. So AITA for not buying him food?
Edit: I usually have my meds on me, I just got a new purse and missed packing them by mistake. That was on me.
No idea why you’re with this guy, but I really think you need to start carrying your meds with you from now on. He is not to be relied upon.
YTA. Your hives were bad enough that you had to leave work and he had to stop whatever he was doing to come get you. But they weren’t so bad that you couldn’t go sit in a Starbucks and order yourself a coffee. They weren’t so bad that you couldn’t be bothered to carry your own medicine. It’s not his fault that this happened to you when you hadn’t worked enough hours to pay for an Uber. You need to get a hold of your life, figure out a reasonable transportation plan, and figure out a reasonable care plan so that you can be more independent. If you continue to depend on him as much as you’re doing then at the very least you could buy him a coffee!!
You have allergies severe enough to spread to your throat and you don’t carry them? That’s really reckless of you. It’s your responsibility to manage your health so you can continue to work, especially if you can’t afford a $30 uber (but can afford Starbucks). The least you can do if he’s sparing you a $30 uber ride (burning through his own gas at his cost), possibly missing his own work (also at his cost) is a thank you coffee. YTA
ESH.
He’s the asshole for not being willing to help you during a medical emergency.
But you have to take some responsibility too.
You are aware you have an allergy which could become life-threatening anaphylactic shock at any moment, yet you seem woefully underprepared for it! Your plan seems to be nothing more than “ring my boyfriend and ask him to drop everything and come and drive me home”. That isn’t a plan! It’s a vague hope.
You don’t even carry your antihistamines with you, FFS! And you don’t mention what your specific allergy trigger is, or whether it’s possible to avoid it. I’m not sure you even know.
Also, “ordering something as I waited” from Starbucks suggests that even YOU are not taking the situation seriously enough. If I were your boyfriend and I showed up with the car and saw you standing there waiting with Starbucks in hand, I too might wonder whether this was really the emergency you claimed it was.
This is what you should be doing, as a bare minimum:
\* If your doctor has advised you to take an antihistamine at the first sign of hives, you should be carrying a packet of them with you at all times.
\* Buy and carry an EpiPen as well. Learn how to use it, and teach the people in your life, including your coworkers, how to use it. I’m a trained first aider because I work in aged care, and it was interesting during our training sessions to see that people’s instincts about how to use EpiPens are often wrong. Including my own instincts, before I learned the correct way.
\* You can ASK your boyfriend to be your support person in an emergency, but he has demonstrated that you can never RELY on him to be that person. Always have a Plan B in place, even if it’s an Uber, and expensive.
\* If you call your boyfriend and ask him for what you need and he starts pushing back, don’t argue with him, or plead, or tell him how bad your symptoms are and try to convince him it’s urgent. Simply requesting his help should have been enough for him to take you seriously. If he won’t, then hang up and go straight to your Plan B. (And later, when the emergency is over, have a good think about whether you really want to be in a relationship with someone you can’t rely on.)
\* You should not ASK your managers for permission to leave work. You TELL them “I am experiencing a life-threatening emergency. As soon as my ride shows up, I’m out of here. In the meantime, I’m waiting right here in the office. I’ll put my EpiPen on the desk here. If I go into anaphylactic shock, use it as I have showed you previously. If it doesn’t work immediately and I still can’t breathe, call an ambulance.”
\* Then you sit and wait. You don’t swan off to Starbucks and order a coffee while you’re waiting.
\* You need to talk to your doctor about what might be triggering your allergy and how to avoid it. If you have absolutely no clue, then ask for a referral to an allergy specialist. They’ll do skin prick tests to figure it out.
Precisely! I’m sitting here thinking “stop arguing with your boyfriend and call911! Call 911!” … and then she goes to Starbucks? And can’t be assed to grab his coffee while she’s there? I have to wonder if she’s really demanding of her boyfriend the point he’s done with schlepping her around on command.
Agree.
At the very least, OP is giving off very mixed messages to her boyfriend, and to us:
“I have an emergency requiring you to come and get me, but not so serious that I can’t stop for a coffee first. What? You wanted me to get you a coffee too? Well, no, because I felt like punishing you for not dropping everything and rushing here when I called. Also my job barely pays above minimum wage and I’m complaining about the price of an Uber and there’s coffee I could drink at your place once we get there, but despite that I’m going to waste some of my money on buying a Starbucks coffee.”
If OP wants anyone to take her seriously, she needs to start being serious herself.
YTA. Really hard to take you seriously about not having the money when you bought a coffee for yourself. You could have easily gotten him one without any delay because you were waiting for him anyway. Take it from the $30 he saved you since you didn’t have to use an Uber.
Hard to believe you’re that concerned about getting the meds you needed when you didn’t take them with you. What should have happened is you should have taken your meds with you then taken them and gone on break at the start of the breakout to see if you started feeling better. At this rate you’re going to be unemployed and without a boyfriend.
Yeah it sounds like OP likes to think that the world stops and caters to her without complaint just because she says so. If it was that serious, I’m sorry, you’re not thinking about getting coffee.
Yes, just because he complained doesn’t mean he didn’t still pick you up. And he got your meds. You were literally already there, and intentionally didn’t get him a coffee so you could punish him. That’s called….YTA
Yta
You forgot your meds, and didnt have a transportation plan, you two got into an arguement, I get it, but many of the commenters that are saying that he doesn’t care for you is plain stupid, if he didnt care for you, he would’ve just left you there, no pick-up nor medicine, yet infact he still came to pick you up, and YOU, wanting to be petty and giving a punishment to your boyfriend, intentionally didnt buy him a coffee, despite buying one yourself, despite you saying that the situation was extremely serious. Apologize to your boyfriend.
In the future always keep your medicine, have back up transportation plans as well as medical plans
You were already in Starbucks and he was picking you up. You shouldn’t have had to beg him but you could have picked up a coffee. I’d feel like a jerk if someone asked me to get them something and I only got myself a drink.
YTA. Listen. I get it. I have random anaphylactic reactions due to a disorder. I get it. You know what I always have? Pepcid, zyrtec, steroids, and epi pens. (Yes I saw you forgot the meds due to a new purse but…that’s part of being a responsible adult.)
You don’t drive. You’re an adult and have a job that needs a vehicle to get to and from. This is a you problem and you need to do something about it.
You’re either a highly irresponsible adult or you’re a minor. I’m not sure which.
YTA
OP sounds very immature & irresponsible to me in the best case,
Or narcissistic & egotistical in the worst case
Why not take your meds around with you if you know you’re sensitive?
You could take meds and back to work after some rest, if you were responsible enough.
Since you had the energy to turn everything into a fight both with the management and the bf also go to starbucks buy your beloved shit for yourself you knew that you aren’t in an emergency.
Your boyfriend suspected you’re not in an emergency so he proposed you be a strong independent woman and order an Uber because him driving was an inconvenience to him at that time.
He asked you for a nice thing that you can get him while you’re already in the spot, and nonetheless he came to pick you up.
You gave him a hard time with your bad attitude sipping on your Starbucks shit, denying him and not “thanking” him with a cup of coffee?
I can tell he’s being finessed and its difficult to read.
Also why you gotta turn everything into a fight?
He’s your taxi, emergency, venting puppet,housing and wallet, am I correct?
Your combativeness will either neuter your bf or lead to an end of this relationship if he’s got some self respect left.
He needs to wake up from this nightmare because i can already tell this shit is not gonna get better from this point and let you free back to the streets.
ESH You both sound absolutely exhausting. Best of luck to you.
1) you’re already in Starbucks, ordered for yourself and he’s on his way to pick you up. Picking up a coffee for him would have been the right thing to do. Denying him is super petty.
2) he’s TA for refusing to pick you up even though he ultimately did.
3) you didn’t owe him fast food and shouldn’t have to compensate him for giving you a ride.
4) you need to become less dependent and needy. He treats you poorly because he knows he can.