So I(19f) go to a Christian high school with a strict dress code. Now a little information about myself even though I’m barely 5’2” and weigh 105 lbs and I have larger than average breasts nothing crazy though. So today was one of the warmest days it’s been for a while so I decided to wear an admittedly tight and low-cut shirt ,but it was nothing crazy and nothing that I hadn’t seen other girls wear, and normal jeans that were within the dress code.
So there I am, just chilling in fourth period, when the dean walks in to ask the teacher a question. Let me tell you something about the dean: no one likes him. He always has this smug look on his face, and he hands out detentions and codes like candy. But anyway, as he leaves he notices me stops and stares at me. Then he says “Lilly, come see me in my office during lunch” So during lunch I go to his office and he says “Ah, Lilly, please sit. So I know that you’ve been going to this school for a very long time so you’re very familiar with the dress code I also know that you have no disciplinary record and you have great grades so I was very disappointed when I saw your attire”“What’s wrong with my clothes?”“The top you decided to wear today is incredibly inappropriate”” What? Why? I know it’s within the dress code”“unfortunately it’s not, the type of cut isn’t allowed”“Yes it is, the dress code has no restrictions on cuts it just says no major cleavage which it describes as anything over 4 inches and Sarah was showing way more than four and no one cared so what’s the deal with my shirt“he then said the next sentence while blatantly starring at my chest“Lilly there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just rip the band aid off your breasts are larger than those of your fellow classmates so they can be distracting and even though the shirt would be considered as within the dress code but due to the way your figure fills in the top I have to consider it as breaking the dress code”I was totally dumbfounded and mainly surprised that he had the balls to say that to my face so I said “wait, so your telling me that my outfit is within dress code but because of my boobs and how my body is built I’m out of dress code”“that’s not exactly how I phrased it but yes”“this is ridiculous!”“perhaps if you put on a jacket or hoodie I could wave the code” “yeah no I’m not going to do that” I honestly could have it’s not like it was super hot but at this point it was a matter of principle “Then unfortunately I’ll have to discipline you. I’ll be seeing you for the next week for lunch detention starting today you can follow me to the study hall room”
so I took the detention and when I got home I was livid and told my mom about what happened thinking that I was justified but my mom said that I was out of line and that I shouldn’t have argued with the dean and I should have just changed and privately complained to the principal afterwards so now I’m pretty split on if I did the right thing so AITA for refusing to change
I don’t think it was your fault, but how he kept staring at your chest and the way he spoke kind of disturbs me.
personally, NTA.
(and please don’t be around him alone)
what in the AI
Right??
I agree completely. Farming those obvious outrage comments.
NTA!! Screw that guy! And also your mom sucks.
…wow…just wow I don’t understand how you felt comfortable having lunch detention for a week with a grown man staring at a student’s boobs
yeah he’s probably a creep- he is using chastising/punishing you about your dress code as an excuse (probably even to himself) to stare at your chest, NTA. But given your mom’s reaction and the fact your parents sent you to a Christian school they probably won’t support you over a creepy Christian man in authority.
NTA
The dress code relates to what clothing you wear. You are being punished for your body, not your clothing. This is completely unreasonable. It’s not as if you can leave your boobs at home. The dean was completely in the wrong.
That said, your mother may have a point in that it was useless arguing with the dean. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It means that, when you’re dealing with a sexist jerk, trying to sway they with rational arguments rarely works because his sexism isn’t based on anything rational to begin with. So the worst that can be said isn’t that what you did was wrong but maybe it wasn’t the most effective strategy. Which frankly is still unfair to you because you shouldn’t have to coddle sexists just because they have power over you just to avoid him retaliating as he did.
I hope you do go to the principal about this. There was no dress code violation. You are being punished by the school solely for having boobs. That is NOT okay.
You’re going to a Christian school. “Appropriate” is whatever suits their sensibilities.
NTA also wtf mom? Fit the dress code but shamed due to body type? Terrible dean.
I’d be sure that it doesn’t go on your educational record. If it does shii I’d threaten to escalate to a formal complaint via the provost or something that the dean violated the code by arbitrarily applying punishment and explicitly told you that was the reason.
NTA at all. It’s so ridiculous what women have to deal with to catering to boys/men.. because that’s what it is!!! It’s never on the boys to change their behavior and do better, it’s always on the women and it’s fucking infuriating!!!! Trust me girl, I feel you!!! I had big boobs and long legs and we have uniforms.. but my skirts were always too short (they weren’t, I just had more leg) and I would be told to button my shirt all the way up or wear undershirts. Good for you for standing up to the principal and letting him know you disagree. I would have taken the detention too. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself!
I don’t think any Christian school would say that 4 inches of cleavage was allowable and within code. So I call BS on this whole post.
I agree. Also the weird verbatim quotes, and the headteacher staring at her breasts before taking her for a one-on-one detention. Sadly, OP is likely a grown dude fapping to the idea that other people are reading his fantasy story.
Idk why but it reads like an intro to porn movie
Probably fake but if not, NTA and adults around you keep failing you