I (24F) recently started my first full time job after graduating. My company has an optional team social fund where each member of our small department contributes a set amount every month to cover birthday treats, team lunches, and small surprises. It sounded harmless, so I joined when my coworker Liam asked.
He manages the fund and everyone just sends him their contribution directly. Not that i suspected anything but last month, I asked if he could give me a breakdown of what the money had gone towards so far, because I’m trying to be better about tracking my spending. My mom drilled into me that I should always know where my money is going.
He said, Yeah, I’ll get it to you later. He didn’t.
Few days later, he didn’t send anything but he reminded me that my monthly contribution was due. I asked politely for the breakdown again. No reply. I waited a few days and sent a follow up, nothing. He responds to other messages in the work group chat, but mine about the fund get ignored.
Last week he came to my desk and said, Hey, you still haven’t sent your part for the fund this month. I told him I’d be happy to once I got the breakdown I’d asked for, nothing complicated, just a list of what’s been purchased with everyone’s contributions.
His whole demeanor shifted. He sighed loudly and said, Nobody else needs this level of detail. It’s supposed to be casual. You’re making it weird.
I told him it wasn’t personal, it’s just my budget and my comfort. He walked away mid sentence.
Now a couple coworkers have hinted that I’m overthinking everything and making extra work for Liam. One even said I was being stingy for not just paying like everyone else. I’m starting to feel guilty, but it also seems like a basic thing to ask when I’m handing over money every month.
AITA for refusing to contribute again until he shows me what the fund is actually being spent on?
Optional social fund. Sorry just started, not in my budget right now. Optional. End of discussion. NTA, but don’t ask, just say no
NTA.
Liam’s embezzling or at the least, mismanaging the fund. He’s lashing out because you’re about to end his gravy train.
It seems like her colleagues are more willing to pressure her into contributing than asking Liam about the spendings.
Some people are extremely conflict-averse, for some it might not be an amount of money they have to bother caring about, some might enjoy the convenience of someone else planning the events that they figure, “oh well, we still got Sue a birthday cake and that’s what’s important.”
Liam’s probably taking a few of his friends out to “team lunches.”
From his behavior that’s the only thing i could think of
Even if he isn’t doing something wrong, people who lash out and act accused and wounded in response to simple non-accusatory things, isn’t someone who should be in charge of collecting and spending group money.
HARD NTA
If it was an innocent situation like “oh. Ive never really tracked it, I’m sorry, if you don’t want to participate this month that’s okay” or, “oh i never thought to track it closely But i probably should track it anyway, I’ll start and you can see it next month” he would not have reacted that way.
No one flies to unhinged nonsense unless they’re trying to cover something up by deflecting/diverting attention from themselves. Except emotionally immature, entitled men.
He’s either embezzling, or he’s an immature ass hole. Either way, not someone you should give your money to. 🤷♀️
Definitely not giving him my money
If he’s got the time to know who hasn’t paid, he’s got the time to put all of the income and expenses into a spreadsheet.
NTA
INFO: What’s the amount that they’re asking you to contribute? If it’s like $5 I’d say you might be doing too much but if it’s like $50 a month then your stance is fair.
Also, how many people in the office contribute?
The question OP seems to be avoiding about as much as Liam is dodging hers. She also only interacted with answers that are agreeing with her. Something tells me we have an unreliable narrator here
Something is telling me they’re asking for like $5 a month from each person which is why you’re not answering how much….. if that’s the case, YTA. Liam’s organizing, coordinating and executing, just say no to begin with.
Sorry, can’t make a judgement. After several asks, OP hasn’t shared the amount.
It’s optional, and he can certainly ask what he wishes, but there us a huge difference between a $2/month abd a $20/month contribution, as well as how many contributors. Nor does he say how nice the office birthdays are – as in, will his birthday feel equal or greater than the contributions he makes or not?
If OP is asked for $2/month, or around $24/year, I’d consider that a spend or don’t, but you can budget without knowing the full breakdown.
At $10/month, or $120/year, tossup.
At $20/month, or $240/year, now we are into wtf are you spending this on, and it better be gold territory.
Honestly, did you expect a monthly office ocassion report? Just opt out, and take your sure to come side eye gracefully.