This is going to sound petty and I agree that it is. My girlfriend likes to play board games and games together on the Nintendo switch. Most of these game are just luck anyway with no skill needed but some of them you actually need skill or knowledge.
I’ve been playing games a lot longer than my girlfriend so I am better at a lot of them. This means I win a lot of the time. Not all of the time though and there are still times my gf wins.
The issue is she’s starting to get annoyed whenever I win. I’ve tried talking to her about playing different games, maybe not playing at all if that’s the reaction she has etc but she refuses.
She said it’s shit watching me win all the time and that I could always let her win at times. I mention that she’s not a child and me letting her win would be obvious so wouldn’t really change anything.
I also point out a lot of the games are just luck anyway so I can’t really do anything with that. I mentioned that there’s no enjoyment in it at all for me to just sit back deliberately losing. I’ve bought her new games, we’ve tried co op games but she’ll still have the same reaction.
I bought her It Takes Two and some other co op games as I thought it would be good but as soon as I managed something easier and quicker than she did she just said it wasn’t fun for her and stopped playing since she couldn’t do it.
She said I should just want to enjoy playing the game with her and should be fine letting her win but I pointed out the same logic could be applied to her in that she should just be fine playing the game with me and be fine with me winning but she said it wasn’t the same.
AITAH for not letting my girlfriend win when we play games?
My wife would have lost her shit if I had ever let her win when we started playing The New Tetris together, now the competition is fierce.
You guys should just stop playing any games because it’s no longer a fun activity anymore.
NTA
NTA but it is exhausting and not fun being shit at every game when ur friend or whoever is breezing through it and just waiting for u to get past each section. it can be fun if we’re all laughing about it but that doesn’t seem to be the case
I deliberately lose if I feel like I have won a few too many times… So the person I am playing with thinks the game is fun and they want to keep playing…
I mean. I’m that friend, the one that sucks and it is exhausting. I try to be a good sport but I tend to feel disengaged fairly quickly.
But the solution is, as OP has tried, varying which games they’re doing, trying co-op games where friend’s strength is helping you, and doing things other than games.
The solution is not “deliberately try to be worse and consistently center the whole experience on making me feel good.”
Let her win sometimes dude, lol. Think of it as practicing with a beginner. She just wants to have a fun time playing some games with her s/o, not sweating over the competitive aspect. NAH
A better way to approach this would be giving her tips, hints and tricks so that she can better herself as a player.
My husband and I recently started shooting pool together. He wins most of the time, but when it is my turn to shoot he *always* gives me suggestions if I want them. He also lets me re-shoot if I miss the cue ball or whatever. The goal is to get me to his level so we can actually challenge each other. Either way it’s always a good time because at the end of the day we are spending time together.
Now Mario Kart, on the other hand… I refuse to play with him until I get my chops up on my own. He massacres me every single time and I hate it. 😂
NTA, BUT. This is one of those “would you rather be right or happy” situations. You’re not wrong, but it obviously upsets someone you care about.
Is it more important to win, or to be happy she cares enough to want to engage with the things you like? Would you rather deliberately lose 1/5 matches you play with her, or never get to play games with her at all?
Those are your options. It’s not about being an asshole, it’s about whether or not your girlfriend can enjoy the things you enjoy with you.
There’s a difference between letting her win and just not playing at 100%.
If you’re constantly winning just back off a little bit or give yourself a handicap to even things up.
Dudes being an ass. Clearly there’s a skill gap that the girl isn’t going to overcome bc she doesn’t play as much. No one wants to play a game they lose all the time. It’s so easy to just not go full gas and let her win some so she enjoys and maybe wants to keep sharing this hobby with you lol like damn dude.
Ehhh, NAH. It’s fair that you play to win, but she’s also likely very demoralized constantly being the loser. That’s probably why she doesn’t want to play anymore. You got the game for her, but your discovering and advancing faster. It takes the novelty away from her experience. Maybe let her take the lead?
However, though, you are SERIOUSLY missing out on some social cues my guy. You can stand to gain a LOT of brownie points by letting her win and being all flirty/sweet about it. The ball is literally in your court, you don’t always have to play so seriously. Or, better yet, teach her. Maybe when she’s feeling better, because if you offer now when there is tension you might spark an arguement. Generally it’s not a good idea to offer to teach someone who thinks they’re too stupid to keep up with you. Let it pass.
edit: thanks for the award stranger! Hopefully my advice helps
INFO: I think what matters more is HOW you win.
I’m not by any means a sore loser, but if I’m playing a game with someone and it quickly becomes apparent they’re going to win, and all I can do is take my turns and wait for the game to be over, it’s not fun for me.
People like to feel like they have a chance, even if they do end up losing.
When I play with people and I’m pretty sure I’ll win, I throw in a handful of “mistakes” here and there to make them feel they might actually have a shot.
I need to know if your wins are you absolutely demolishing her, or simply a somewhat even game that you more often than not end up winning in the end.
Try to keep her engaged and wanting to try, not by deliberately losing, but by dialling it back just enough that the match feels even, for her.
I’m very good at games. And I’ve learned if I want people to play, I have to not go all out. I don’t intentionally lose, but nobody wants to play if they always lose. So, I take it easy on them sometimes. Eventually they get better and I can stop taking it easy on them. So, NTA, but there are other ways of handling the situation.
Also, your comment that she should just be happy to play and lose is ridiculous. You know losing isn’t as fun as winning. Don’t be the annoying person who makes ridiculous analogies.
INFO: Are you making it fun to play games w you? Or are you just so focused on achieving the goal that your gf gets left behind? Are you perhaps a sore winner?
The ask I’m hearing behind your gfs comment is, “Can you make it more fun for me to play with you?”
This is more your hobby than hers, but she is trying to join you in something you like so you can do it together. This isn’t your gamer buddies teabagging each other, or the time to go for the high score. If you want her to keep playing games with you, you need to be thoughtful about how you are sharing it with her. Let her explore spaces at her own rate, don’t rush to figure out the hook (you’re going to do that a lot faster than her because you have pattern recognition experience she does not), and celebrate her wins. That doesn’t mean you have to throw fights, but it does mean you have to put effort into being a conscientious partner.
There’s a touch of condescension in your post, and I’m wondering if that is coming out when you are playing. This is a hobby and a culture with its own skill set and language that take a while to get proficient at, let alone get gud. Mostly the gaming community is not particularly welcome to newcomers, and if you’re not being intentional about it, that cultural value could sneak into how you are interacting with and treating your girlfriend in this context.
I doubt this is a AH situation, unless you are being a super sore winner or she is throwing a full-on tantrum. I think this is just a misalignment in a relationship, but since this is more your hobby than hers, it is your responsibility as her guide to your space to help her have a good time. You do want her to enjoy herself, right?