So I 24M have a cousin 27M who constantly asks people in the family for money. This isn’t the first time he’s asked me multiple times before, and I’ve helped him out twice already. The problem is, he never pays back and always comes up with new excuses.
Last week, he called me saying he urgently needed money because of family issues. When I asked what exactly it was for, he got defensive and said I should just trust him. That didn’t sit right with me, so I told him I couldn’t help this time, especially since he hasn’t paid back what he already owes me.
Now some family members are calling me selfish and saying I should support him no matter what because we’re family. Others agree with me and say he’s just taking advantage.
I feel a bit guilty but at the same time, I don’t want to keep enabling him. Am I wrong for setting boundaries here, or am the ass hole?
NTA. Tell any family who thinks that he should be supported no matter what is welcome to do so. Next time he asks, tell him you were going to ask him for money. As a matter of fact, I’d try giving him the occasional call to remind him of his outstanding loans. Unless he’s totally shameless, that should stop him bothering you. At least that’s what worked on our uncle.
The family members calling you selfish should lend him money.
for real
They want you to give him money so they don’t have to.
Don’t feel guilty, your cousin needs to get a extra job and save his money!!!!! If you lend someone money and they don’t pay you back, don’t loan them any more money, I don’t care if it’s your own granny either! It’s highly disrespectful to borrow and NEVER pay back!!!!! I don’t care what excuse they have and their pitiful performance to get your money, don’t do it! NTA!
will take this for sure, thank you
NTA
It’s your money, and what you do or don’t with it is nobody’s concern but yourself. Especially if they are being defensive with what it’s for. Maybe it’s a real genuine family emergency, in which case, there is no reason to hide that info. Or maybe it’s for something less legit.
NTA, he’s dodging the question and he’s hasn’t paid you back what he still owes you. If your family is that concerned, they can give him the cash. But they won’t because they know they will never see that money again.
Just curious how much money is he asking and what does he owe you? Do you think there’s an addiction or mental health problems going on?
NTA have other relatives help
right, thank you
NTA
Tell those other family members that if they care so much about family helping family they can give him their money
He’s absolutely taking advantage, you can’t trust him to pay back, you can’t trust him to even be honest and straight-forward about what he needs the money for
NTA
Don’t lend money to friends or family once you’ve been burned once.
NTA.
My brother had friends who did this. They were hiding drug addictions. I hope this is not the case with your cousin.
You have every right to ask why he needs more money. You also have every right to refuse to give any. If your relatives feel he needs money whenever he asks, then they can give him their money.
Start asking them for money, too.
If they ask why tell them you’ve been handing out so much money (because you’re such a good family-minded person, of course!) that now you’re in trouble yourself