I (27F) became homeless after my fiance was arrested and the family member I was living with died. We’ve been living in hotels and occasionally in a car since then, although I try to avoid that at all costs.
I have a job and have been applying for low income apartments. I’ve done everything I can to keep my kids fed, with a roof over their heads. They’ve never gone hungry. I wouldn’t allow that.
When we first became homeless, my daughter had been attending a church in our town for Sunday school. The pastor and some of the people from the church helped us for months but eventually couldn’t help anymore, which I understood.
There’s a couple from this church that kept asking for their daughter and mine to have sleepovers at their house. They were very pushy about it and I eventually said yes.
My daughter is 8 and had never had a sleepover before this so I was nervous but I figured it would be good for her to get away from everything for a night.
She has ADHD and other mental health issues that require her to be on medication and go to therapy twice a week. I was just happy she’d found a friend.
This is where it gets weird. I pulled her out of church because this family kept asking her to come over. They wouldn’t leave her alone while she was at church. It even got to the point that they were introducing her to people as if she was their daughter.
My daughter expressed that this made her uncomfortable. I tried talking to the mom about this because her daughter and mine were friends but then they suggested something crazy.
They told me they wanted to "take my daughter off my hands" so that I could have "one less mouth to feed" as if she was a burden on me.
They told me I could drop her off at their house and they could take her to school and feed her so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it. They said I could call anytime but they wouldn’t allow me to pick her up until I could prove I had found an apartment and was stable.
When I declined that offer they said I was being selfish for putting my daughter through such a traumatic thing and I should give her to them (people that have known her less than a year) so that she can have a better life.
This family has never offered to help in anyway, besides taking her from me. Never given me money. Never offered to help with food. Never even asked how we were doing.
I have another child. He’s 2. They have no interest in taking him. Haven’t even asked about him. Only my daughter.
I understand that this life isn’t good for my kids. I never wanted this for them. I’m working so hard to give them a better life.
It just rubbed me the wrong way and made me uncomfortable.
So, AITA for not giving them my daughter so she won’t be homeless? Am I being selfish?
NTA at all. This is extremely weird and predatory of that couple. They’re trying to take advantage of you and the position you’re in and it’s extremely concerning how obsessed they are with your daughter. The fact that they have no interest in your young son goes to show that they have weird, selfish intentions. Even your daughter is uncomfortable, as you said. The fact that they’re already claiming her as their daughter around other people is super weird. Please stay away from them.
It sounds sus, for sure. Either they are trying to buy a friend for their daughter or the dad likes little girls. Either way, not good for your daughter.
I could see them calling CPS on you. If you are homeless, your kids may be taken. Make sure you have other options besides those people?
I would stay far away from them and make sure they no longer have any contact info for you.
Or they just want to feel like they are doing holly work by taking this poor girl off the street. As a 8 year old is easier to handle then a 2 year old toddler. And you can say sooo much bad things about the mom after that and earn so much sympathy points with the church
My read was the same: that they’ve written a very specific story in their heads with themselves as the heroes and are thrown that OP won’t gratefully follow her part of the script. Which isn’t a much safer situation for the daughter than the other options; what happens when she’s under their roof and acts more like a human being than a rescued storybook orphan?
CPS would probably priotize subsidized housing for the whole family. They do not want to split up non-abusive families.
NTA.
I won’t go into ethics about homeless kids because you know it’s bad and you are working on changing it. That is great!
The other family sounds very odd. You are definitely right to follow your gut on this one. If the other family was truly kind and accepting, they wouldn’t be so pushy and also they would worry about the toddler as well. Something about them seems off and you are right to protect your family.
Also, when your daughter tells you that she feels uncomfortable with them, why would you make her spend more time with them? She also has some kind of instinct about them and wants distance.
This gives me the ick. It seems like they want to take your daughter for their benefit, not hers or yours. Especially telling you that you cant see her until you “prove yourself.” Nope. Not their child, not their place.
Whoops: edit to add NTA.
They sound like human traffickers. Scary and I would avoid them.
As fast as you can distance yourself from these people, including if it means leaving that church. I have a horrible feeling that eventually they will step in and try to legally take her from you. I would run like my feet were on fire.
NTA. My spidey senses as a former CPS investigator are going off about these people.
And if it helps you feel better about yourself, if you can keep a roof over you and your kids’ heads, even if it’s a hotel or a shelter, CPS wouldn’t get involved in your life. They might if it’s just your car unless your area has safe sleep sites that offer bathroom access and security.
“They wouldn’t *allow* me to pick her up until I could prove I had found an apartment *and was stable*”
Who the heck do these people think they are to think that they have ANY legal rights or authority to make those decisions?
They are NOT the legal guardians or the parents. They DO NOT get to dictate if and when you pick her up. They also don’t get to decide whether you are *stable*. That could be a completely different thing to them than it is to you, and even the law. “Stable” to them could mean you have to be making a million dollars a year, married to their family member, and who knows what else they might make up to not have to give her back.
NTA. Also, I’d find a different church to attend, and not let this friendship continue. It’s unfortunate, because the daughters are the ones hurt here by losing their friendship. But you have to protect your daughter at all costs. Trust your instincts and respect and trust your daughter’s instincts. She is as uncomfortable with them as you are.
The parents’ behavior is weird and alarming and highly suspicious, aside from being controlling.
I genuinely think if OP agreed to these people’s outrageous request she will likely never get her daughter back. Even once OP has a permanent residence these people will try to claim it is not “stable enough” to return her child. Assuming they don’t immediately move and cut contact with OP.
I’d also do a bit of internet sleuthing on these folks and their kid as the way they went about it suggests this is probably not the first time they’ve tried something like this, and begs the question of whether their daughter is even theirs.
Make sure your daughter knows you would never send this couple to pick her up from school or off the street.
This. And call her school to make sure they know she is NOT allowed to go with them