Okay so for some context, about six months ago I asked my mom(f46) if I could start learning how to drive and she gave about a millions reasons why it was an absolute no. Everyday for weeks she would go on about why I shouldn’t even when I didn’t bring it up. It made me so anxious about it that I just decided I didn’t want to do it at all anymore.
But now about a month ago, my mom started pressuring me into doing it because she’s starting to have anxiety around driving due to some mental health things(that she won’t specify). We originally agreed that I would finish it by New Year’s because she wouldn’t take no for an answer. About a week ago, she said the due date was the end of Thanksgiving break. Then four days ago she said if I don’t get it by Thanksgiving, she’s going to stop driving me places except for school related things. Two days ago, she just suddenly told me she’s not driving me anywhere besides school anymore, even though thanksgiving hasn’t happened. She only just helped me create the online course account three days ago and I haven’t even had time to start. Her and my dad also have things planned for us the entire rest of the break.
My mom had originally told me a week ago that she talked to the course people and they said it will only take up to eights hours. I asked multiple of my school friends that have already taken it and they said it took over forty hours. Because of this, I told my parents that it’s unreasonable to expect me to complete the course by both Thanksgiving and the end of the break.
My mom just keeps saying that I need to put my mind to it and not be lazy. But with all the stuff they have planned, I only have three free days and that would mean all day grinding the course out. Which I’m also currently depressed because of other things going on with my mom and the thought of trying to complete the course with such strict time restrictions is giving me extreme anxiety.
Fortunately, I have multiple friends with families that are willing to give me rides. But my mom is still trying to guilt trip me into doing the course by Thanksgiving. She keeps saying things like "I need you to do this for me because I need a break from driving." But she is also driving herself places more. And this week we’ve been pretty much out of groceries but she didn’t feel like going and instead took my sister to the beach. It’s not a money thing and literally all we have in the house is refined carbs and meat. Except I’m vegetarian(she’s completely against this btw and keeps pressuring me to eat meat) and if I have another carb, I’m going to throw up. This is also the same lady who told me that carbs are the only food group that’s unnecessary to survive btw…
But yeah, I can’t tell if I’m unreasonably upset or not. I’m not eighteen yet and I have still have quite a bit to go before I even graduate school. This has been really stressing me out and I just wanted to know aita ig.
You are absolutely NTA. Good luck!
Do the course, get your license, just like you wanted. The rest is noise.
ESH. Being upset is completely understandable. My driving course was an “eight hour” online course but my local DMV also required 40+ hours driving experience with signatures and a license number from the adult who took me to practice. The constant changes to the deadline must be stressful, you’re not wrong to be upset. That being said, you might not get this chance again. She didn’t want you to drive before, who’s to say she won’t change her mind again and make you wait until you’re 18 and can do it on your own. You probably won’t get it done by thanksgiving, most courses are pretty extensive, but if she sees you making progress she might calm down a little. Best of luck!
I’ve already started the course. I just feel like tah for not getting it done on time because my dad works a lot and my mom keeps telling me that I need to for her.
I mean I feel like there’s some missing context. When you say it was an absolute no 6 months ago are you talking about actually driving her car for practice before taking the written or in person driving test or that she was saying no you couldn’t take the written test or schedule the actual road test?
If your write up is accurate her switch up is pretty AH behavior. You agreed to new years and then she randomly moves the timeline up to right now with no explanation? Kinda weird
it was an absolute no to even starting the online courses
You asked to learn to drive.. she didn’t want you to. NOW when it’s convenient for her, you’re on a time schedule. Your mom is
a AH… you need to take a full drivers course by Thanksgiving.. that’s nuts. She wants you to be a safe driver, there should be NO pressure… it’s not a few hours.. it’s close to 40 hours at least it used to be.
Your mom can pay for private instruction , but you need the hours first. Did you say how old you are? I’m assuming (yea, I know) you’re at least 16. You can’t rush it, it takes the amount of hours required. It will bring you independence and opportunity, learn but don’t be pressured to rush. Google the hours required and show her.
You will do great!
Time for you to start being more independent, and it’s time for your mom to let you grow up.
NTA
Learning to drive is your choice, and if you choose not to, you have to be willing to use public transport or get lifts off friends/family. Sounds like you’ve fully thought about this and found reasonable transportation options.
You shouldn’t be forced to learn how to drive, sounds like your mums sudden turn around from ‘you shouldn’t learn’ to ‘you have to learn immediately’ is based around her anxiety.
I’d say its best not to get lifts from her (even when offered) given how severe her driving anxiety is.
If you don’t want to learn and have ways to go ahead with lifts/public transport (which it sounds like you do) then thats great. Take your time and dont be pressured.
I won’t say either of you is TA, but this erratic behavior on your mom’s part seems very concerning.
NTA / NAH
Imo, learning to drive is a skill which involves a vehicle which essentially is big enough to hurt things if you aim it wrong, that is a truth. However, driving is a skill which is great to have, especially if you find yourself in a situation where you are the only person who is able to drive. Learning how to drive does not mean that you have to drive unless you want to,-it just means that you have the ability to do so. Having myself struggled with driving related anxiety, it’s valid that your your mom is having various ‘cut off’ points for driving -obviously going through some things and the constant change to her requirements for you also equal for her a sort of ‘being done’ for her which she is trying to get to as this will mean not feeling anxious all the time. I can see this being very stressful for you both. lAs a person who didn’t learn to drive until 18 because i had rides and didn’t want to prior to the point where I realized it would give me independence and freedom and not relying on people or being tied to their schedule. Learning to drive is something you should do when you feel calm and confident. If you’re not ready it’s better to wait than make yourself do it and suffering through it unpleasant and uncomfortable. And if in the interim she’s not going to drive you anywhere other than school then so be it because the last thing that you want to do is have ingrained incredible anxiety around driving becoming a built in feeling.
Hang in there.
NTA. Get your license at whatever rate feels most comfortable to you. This is not something to rush. It is not something to take lightly. Learning to drive ***WELL*** matters much more than any timetable for getting a license. Your mother doesn’t seem to care whether you become a good driver as long as you’re able to jockey her around. In this she does not have your best interests at heart.
I actually believe that no one should drive unless they are fully comfortable with it. Trying to fast-track you because your mom is now facing some kind of mental block to driving doesn’t solve things. Are you supposed to become her designated driver once you have your license? Also, it takes a while from when you get a learner’s permit to having the full license, right? Rushing through the online part won’t get you driving faster, and it might make you miss some key points. Take a reasonable amount of time to get certified and do what you need to do it safely. Plus, you’re not refusing to learn to drive, you’re just refusing to fast-track it. NTA.
I mean, I would say NTA cuz it isn’t hurting anyone but yourself, but your mom seems like she really needs some psych help cuz holy moly she seems paranoid
Hope you can find a viable solution to this problem, best wishes