I (24 F) got into an issue with my (26 F) friend, for some context, I’m usually the person my friends go to for relationship advice, if all the people I met are anything to go on, I’m pretty good at giving advice.
My friend is dating a man of a different race, one day she came to me asking about his pattern of behaviours and his past, from microaggression and racism to his family (and him) being on a different stance on lots of things. I spoke honestly, told her she is not necessarily the exception and even if she was, what if she is no longer? How would he treat her then? How would his family react to them being together? If she wanted to marry would he give up his family for her? Or would this be a waste of her time?
She got upset at me, telling me I’m being a ‘hater’ and trying to ruin her relationship, how she is different from other women, and that he knows she is classy and educated, his family just need to meet her and they would love her. I told her that she can do whatever she wants, just don’t bring him around me and please don’t complain to me when my guess comes to fruition, she cussed me and blocked before going to our mutual friends and spreading that I’m jealous of her for having a boyfriend -not that he is a prize… but what do I know?- anyhow, 4 months later, he breaks up with her, tells her their future can’t happen because his family is so different than hers and bunch of weird things that basically can be summed up with “we are superior, you are not”
Here where I might be the AH, she unblocked me and started banging my phone with calls, I ignored her, everyone is telling me to stop being selfish and to let her vent because that was a traumatising experience, but why do I have to sympathise? She was ok with others being discriminated against because she was temporarily approved, I don’t feel sympathy. I know it’s bad to say but maybe I’m missing something? I myself am willing to hear people out but she was more than happy to turn me into a villain when I didn’t support her fantasies of being the “chosen” one.
\-I didn’t block, so this is how she was able to call me later.
\-We have 4 mutual friends, who all jumped to support her, I only know the gist of what she said about me, no one wanna tell me the whole of it.
\-If I had known she would overreact I wouldn’t have tried to give her honest advice and instead just lightly told her to be careful.
sounds like she has enouguh support NTA
NTA. You set boundries. She bad mouthed her to your and her friends. Why would you even interact with this person again? Or why should you be the one who has to listen to all her rant and crying?
NTA she asked for advice, you gave it to her,, she didn’t like your interpretation and had a temper tantrum , bad mouthed you publicly, when your advice/analysis came true, she wants you at her back and call for support. Sounds like a trash friend to me.
NTA
This is the joy of having friends. There is no legal contract that requires you to remain friends, so if she doesn’t want the connection – she blocks you and talks trash about you – she doesn’t have to have the connection. Same works for you. You don’t have to be friends with this girl. Further, if you want to remain friendly, she doesn’t have to be in that inner circle of friends if you don’t want her there.
Just because she went through a traumatic experience doesn’t obligate you to forgive her (without any apologies) and welcome her back with open arms. You went through a traumatic experience of having a friend trash you to friends and she didn’t lose sleep.
NTA, block her and move on.
Nope.. but its just that somehow still we cant bear it not to care
NTA, though you could have warned her a bit more nicely than it seems you did. As regards restarting the friendship, be sure that she apologizes to you for her behavior after the earlier exchange that resulted in her cutting you off. Otherwise, you can be sure that she’ll pull the same stunt again and again.
Don’t expect your four mutual friends to report to you the details of what this individual told them about you. That would be another form of gossip. But it is fair to expect these four to treat you properly and not to fault you for reacting to how your mutual friend behaved with you.
NTA, and these other “friends” of yours don’t sound like friends either. Yeesh.