Okay so let me give the full messy rundown because I need outside eyes on this. (I explained the whole situation to chatGPT to help me write this because I’ll over explain lol)
My BD and I have been done for 3 YEARS. No feelings, no drama, nothing romantic. I moved on a long time ago. He moved on too — he was with his second BM (Nae) for 2 years. I LOVED her. I trusted her with my kid completely. Never had issues with her, never had disrespect, nothing.
Well, they just broke up like a month or two ago.
Enter his new girlfriend, Tianna, who:
• is known for getting with men who are taken
• brags about it publicly
• loves causing drama
• has posts in local groups clowning her for it
• messaged someone else’s man saying she wanted him more when the BM was hurt
• always needs to feel “chosen”
• constantly views my IG/Facebook stories
• but has NEVER said a word to me on my actual profile.
After her viewing my page over and over, I looked her up and found a post on “babydaddy drama” or something like that with her name attached where the previous stated was all going down. I thought it was natural for a new gf to be curious about the first BM, and her being that way towards another woman and playing in her face was disgusting behavior but it didn’t involve me so I just noted and ignored it)
Then out of nowhere…
someone makes a FAKE FACEBOOK PAGE using a knockoff version of my name (“Sav Nuh”) and messages her pretending to be me, talking shit about BD.
FIRST OF ALL:
If I was going to talk shit about BD, I would do it from my REAL page and with RECEIPTS. I don’t need to hide to tell the truth. I could send pictures, stories, hospital visits, all of it. So the fake page made NO sense.
(BD knew it wasn’t me because I don’t speak like that, and he knows if I’m gonna talk shit I’ll do it from my own personal page, however that’s not who I am and all I want is peace and for my son to have his father, I have nothing to gain from drama)
But here’s the weird part:
Instead of messaging my REAL profile (the one she watches every damn day), she instantly starts going OFF on the fake page. Like she had all the insults PRELOADED and READY. She didn’t question it, didn’t hesitate, didn’t even think “hm this looks weird.”
She jumped on it like she’d been WAITING to talk shit to me.
And the tone of her messages?
Sound EXACTLY like the tone of the fake page sending messages to her.
Same punctuation.
Same energy.
Same pacing.
It looks like she was literally arguing with herself.
Screenshots will be in the comments.
I showed BD.
He’s confused but obviously in honeymoon mode so he’s blind as hell.
Now here’s where it affects ME:
BD wants me to send my child 16 hours away for Christmas.
To his state.
To HIS house.
Where Tianna — the girl who may have literally impersonated me online for drama — will be around my kid.
Absolutely not.
I trusted Renee because she was stable and never tried shit like this.
But Tianna?
A woman with this track record?
Who stalks my page?
Who goes after taken men?
Who competes with BMs?
Who brags that her (2) kids are “better” and other kids are “less”?
Who made a fake page to make me look jealous?
NO.
I’m not sending my kid to a house where I don’t trust the adult woman present.
I’m not handing my child to someone who could see him as:
• competition
• leverage
• proof she “won”
• the child of a woman she’s threatened by
This isn’t about being bitter.
This is about protecting a kid.
So Reddit…
AITA for saying no? He can travel to his home state where the rest of his family is and I’ll make the drive to meet him there where where I trust who he’s around if he wants to see him — or he he can finally sign divorce papers so we can get a custody order?
More backstory. He was physically abusive towards me and nae. He moved north after moving back to the lower 48 from Ak (after being kicked from the military) because of an incident involving a gun where my child and his daughter were in the house. I wasn’t made aware of this until this past month when his cousin and mom casually admitted it to me, after lying about it for months. That’s the entire reason he moved, was because he was abusive towards her and her friends showed up at the house with a gun to threaten him.
NTA. That is an insane thing to do.
https://share.icloud.com/photos/093fovaE9BcZEKXUZlrt8_x_g
https://share.icloud.com/photos/08foQQF2jBDBI9n5pQZGaoLKQ
(Blue is her, Grey is the fake page. BD sent me the screenshots from her Facebook)
Depends on what your custody order says. No custody order? NTA.
No custody order, anytime he’s seen him I’ve paid my own money and driven my own car 8 hour round trips to make sure my son was involved in his fathers/little sisters lives.
Definitely NTA. He wants to see your son, he now gets to drive down and see him. And no bringing the drama with.
Obviously not negotiable. You have a moral responsibility to your child. That transcends everything. Plus you are the mother. That transcends everything except mental illness and drugs. You obviously have a proven track record of being fair.
Case closed.
I hate how chatGPT worded this lol. It’s all true aside from BD saying I’m overreacting. I don’t know how to bring it up to BD that I’m not comfortable with my child being around this woman without it causing conflict.
It will cause conflict. But it will be worth it. Better you take the brunt of it than your son.
Do it calm, do it with points already prepared, and do it knowing that you are INFORMING him of what’s about to happen, not negotiating. Hopefully he’ll see the light, but you don’t actually need him to agree.
NTA. Tell him something along the lines of “I am not comfortable sending my child to be around a woman who has actively tried to cause harm in my life for no reason. If I send our kid there what’s to stop her from fabricating more lies and putting the stability of our child’s life at risk? What’s to stop her from inventing lies and calling CPS to try and get me out of the picture? This is too big of a risk for either of us to take as parents, especially without pre-established custody rules. This wasn’t ever an issue with Nae so you know its not me that is the problem so before you try and get upset with me, look at the actions your girlfriend has taken first and be a good dad and protect our child like I know you want to.”
craziest thing i read for a long time, if you were that concerned about viewing your facebook why make it public, were anyone can visit your page and make fake page , even take your pictures, make fb and ig private, grow up a little, you sound bonkers.
Well, I think the bigger problem is actually the fact that your ex is physically abusive. He may not have abused your child yet, but he might one day. That would be enough to keep your child away.
“…(after being kicked from the military) because of an incident involving a gun where my child and his daughter were in the house.” Huh? Fuck her, he shouldn’t get the kid back.
NTA