I’m 19F, in college, and I game a lot in my free time. I built my PC myself over two years and it’s basically my one expensive thing. My roommate knows this.
During finals week she barely studied and kept asking to “borrow” my setup because her laptop “stressed her out.” I said no at first because it helps me unwind after exams. She kept insisting it would only be for an hour.
I caved once. She logged into her accounts, downloaded stuff, changed settings, and left crumbs everywhere. When I came back later my mouse DPI was different and my desk felt gross.
After that I said no more. She’s been passive about it since, saying I’m dramatic over a computer and that sharing is normal in college housing.
I don’t think it’s about sharing. It’s about respecting something I worked for. AITA?
NTA. You gave her a chance and she messed it up. No need to give her a second shot at screwing it up.
It’s not normal to share it, and she didn’t respect any of your possessions when she used it.
NTA
Changing settings and making a mess isn’t sharing. NTA.
She downloaded stuff on a borrowed computer, and changed the settings! If she did that to me, she’d never again get her hands on any electronic gear I have. But I probably wouldn’t have lent her the computer in the first place.
You are NTA, and she is way out of line expecting you to lend a possession that she didn’t respect when she borrowed it the first time.
She’s also wrong in claiming that sharing is normal in college housing or anywhere else. It’s possible – but only if both parties are willing, and should never be assumed.
Yeah exactly. I already felt kind of weird saying yes in the first place, so when she treated it like it was hers I was just done with it. I don’t think sharing should be automatic just because you live together, especially with expensive stuff.
Absolutely NTJ. You don’t borrow a computer and change the settings! OMG what a slob, too. Be sure she cannot use it in your absence.
ETA: I would recommend that you have it analyzed to ensure that you don’t have any malware added like a keystroke capture app. You really cannot trust others with your online security. Never lend to anyone you wouldn’t trust with your life.
now you know why her laptop “stresses her out”…
She won’t pay for it if she breaks it. You know it, I know it, she for fuck knows it. NTA.
NTA
Ask her how she would feel if you borrowed her car and brought it back with an empty tank, full of takeout wrappers, smelling like your dirty gym shoes, and covered in mud. Or ask how she would feel if her roommate borrowed her new going out dress and brought it back stained, ripped, smelling of smoke and beer, and it was stretched out so much it didn’t fit her anymore.
Then just look at her.
You did share. She did not take care of your personal belongings. Therefore she has opted out of further borrowing from you.
NTA
She has no respect for your property. Who downloads apps in some else’s computer.
NTA. She’s your roommate not your girlfriend. Lock your room when you’re out too
Y’all need to stand up for yourselves you are never the asshole when you refuse to lend YOUR STUFF to people. You don’t need a reason to say no, it is yours, you bought it you own it. That’s the only reason you need. I hate entitled people who think others NEED TO SHARE WITH THEM or try to guilt trip others into sharing stuff. It’s yours, not theirs simple as that.
I get what you’re saying. I think I’m still learning how to say no without feeling guilty about it, especially with people I live with. This kind of pushed me to realize I don’t have to justify everything when it’s my own stuff.
NTA for this ever. It’s your computer, you have zero obligation to share it. She was also not respectful about it in the least. I wouldn’t lend it to her either. She can go to the library to use a computer if she doesn’t like her own laptop.