Hi! This is my second post to reddit so I apologize if I broke any rules
I (25f) and my husband (23)m just got happily married this year. I’ve known him and his family pretty much as long as I’ve known him after I fell on hard times and had to live with him.
I couldn’t of asked for a better partner, he’s seen me through my absolute worst and been there with me though it all. His family is very traditional, however, and since our marriage was so recent they’re asking if I’m now officially one of them.
For context, I grew up in an abusive, drug addicted household with my father and grandmother. I am my father’s only kid. I left when I was 18, and my father died when I was 22 from cancer and it still hits me pretty hard. I never got to say goodbye. My dad’s dying wish, was that I would carry on his name. Me and my husband are adamant we don’t want kids, and I vowed to break the generation cycle of trauma, but I also want to honor my father’s dying wish. I told my husband that if we had kids, they would take his because I want to honor his request but I’m steadfast on the cycle ends with me. He understands but at the same time doesn’t know what it’s like.
He told me it’s weird, and it’s one or the other that if I don’t want to change mine, he will, but I don’t want him to. He also comes from a very traditional family. His family, always welcomed me with open arms as if I was their daughter, and he thinks I should integrate as such. After everything they’ve done for me, he thinks it’s a slap in their face, but I feel like I am and will always will be my father’s only blood. AITA for not wanting to change my last name?
NTA. It’s entirely up to you. He and his family just need to get over it.
NTA. It’s your last name, so whoever it is should respect your wishes.
It’s symbolic for you to keep his last name. As it will fulfil your promise to your dad while fulfilling this pledge to yourself. It’s quite beautiful. I do not believe you’re the asshole.
Just keep your own name. I have been married 20 years and never changed it. I honestly can’t believe this is still such an issue for people. It is such outdated custom.
NTA. I didn’t change my last name
NTA. I didn’t change my last name. Whatever your reasons are, they are valid.
You grew up in an abusive and drug addicted household with your dad and grandmother – so was your dad an abusive drug addict? Not sure why you’d want to honour his dying wish. And it’s kinda odd that his dying wish was for you to keep his name.
Info
“I told my husband that if we had kids, they would take his because I want to honor his request but I’m steadfast on the cycle ends with me.”
What does this mean?
Respectfully, your father isn’t here anymore. His wishes don’t matter. He’s not going to be offended that there’s a whole family of people who love you and protect you and that you’ve married into their family.
Life goes on.
NAH but think about this some more
You’re right. I’m just personally having a hard time letting that go, but I should be more open to a discussion with him about it and healing that guilt I have
NTA it is not weird: it is your decision!!
NTA you are equal partners, you don’t have to take your SO last name in the modern society
NTA. You shouldn’t feel the need to even bring up your dad – you don’t need any real reason to want to keep your last name. You like it? Keep it! You want to change to something totally different? Your choice! Yes, even if you’re married. A future child’s last name can be up for debate, your last name is yours. 🤷♀️
Him thinking it’s “weird” is not a good reason.
His family being traditional is not a good reason.
Him and his family trying to guilt trip you by saying that “they’ve welcomed you with open arms and it’d be a slap in the face” is absolutely not a good reason. F that.
If I found out a man I was dating was thinking this way, the relationship would be over. This is one of those questions that seems innocent on the surface but the answer/reaction can be immediately character revealing.