I (21M) have a friend (21F) whose car recently broke down and is in the shop for a couple of weeks. We live about 15 minutes apart, and I’m currently the only one in our friend group with a car.
She asked if I could drive her to her 8 AM classes every weekday until she gets her car back. The issue is that my classes don’t start until 11 AM. If I agree, I’d have to wake up around 6:30, get ready, drive to her place, drop her off, and then either drive back home or sit around campus for a few hours waiting for my own classes.
I told her I could help sometimes, but not every day, because it completely throws off my sleep schedule and routine. She didn’t take it well and said that if the roles were reversed, she would do it for me. A couple of our mutual friends are also saying it’s not that big of a deal and that I’m being kind of selfish since it’s “just for a short time.”
I don’t mind helping occasionally, but I feel like being expected to wake up early every single day for weeks is a lot to ask.
AITA for setting that boundary?
NTA. Why does she think it’s your responsibility to take her to class? How would she do if none of y’all had a car?
NTA. Your urgency is not my emergency.
Did she at least offer to pay you? It’s so easy to say “I would’ve done it for you” when you know you were never in a position where that might actually happen.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for her transportation.
NTA. This isn’t a boundary, but if someone asks you a favor, you don’t have to say yes. You are already helping her by offering to drive her occasionally, but every weekday for probably at least 3 weeks is a tall ask unless she is compensating you for the time.
How is the public transportation in your area? How do your friends without cars get to campus?
NTA. It’s been a while since I was a college student but I do remember sleep being cherished and we did not sacrifice our precious hours of sleep for anything short of an emergency. I would try to specifically get later classes so that I could sleep more in the morning. Offering to occasionally help is nice, but being expected to just do it because you have a car and the others don’t is you being treated like a free taxi service. Did your friend even offer to compensate you? Pay for your coffee or breakfast? Offer to cover gas at least?
>How is the public transportation in your area? How do your friends without cars get to campus?
This is what I was wondering. How does everyone else with no car get around? There must be some kind of transportation options.
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I think this really depends on your friendship.
Is this a best friend? Or just a friend.
I’d likely do this for a best friend, one who I truly knew would do the same for me. But not all friends are created equal. Consider your friendship.
I think it’s a huge ask of someone – especially given that it’s every week day not just the odd day here and there.
Either way, I don’t think YTA at all, and I’d love to know if the roles were reversed what she would do for you. Has she gone out of her way for you before? If so… that changes things.
Just FYI, you may not think OP is the asshole but because of how you wrote this, your comment will register as a Y T A.
NTA. How could she drive you when she’d already be in class? Your friends that are saying you should just do it can pick her up.
NTA
Your friends are saying it’s ‘not a big deal’ because they have no skin in the game and no car so they can just shut the hell up
Her issue is not your problem. You woudln’t mind a couple of times but like you said, it’s a huge disruption to your schedule. It’s easy for her to say ‘I’d do the same’ until the ‘same’ situation happens and she says ‘wellll….’.
Sorry, I can help you Wednesday and Friday, you’ll have to make other arrangements after that. Uber, bus, parents.
Let your mutual friends drive her, if they feel that she’s entitled to chauffeur service every morning.
I’m going to go against the grain and say NAH. To be clear, you obviously don’t have an obligation to help your friend. But- everyone wants to have a community that’s there to support them, but no one wants to be the community for others. I get that it sucks, but sometimes doing the selfless thing sucks.
NTA
Notice how she didn’t offer to pay for gas…or buy you breakfast…or compensate you in any way for your help?
Yeah, that’s because she’s not your friend
A friend favor is picking you up from the airport…or catching a ride in a one off deal.
3 weeks of rides that cost you hours of sleep each day? Yeah, if I needed this, I would find a way to compensate my friend that I asked for the help from