A few weeks ago, I (33M) was playing a game online with a friend (30F) and we were talking over Discord. This is a game where you typically spend the first couple of minutes making a route to complete your objectives and then spend the next hour or so executing those objectives and seeing who finished first. So for the first couple of minutes, I was talking out loud to myself and would occasionally say things like "Oh I don’t think I want to do that" or "Let me try this instead."
After about 3 mins of planning, she suddenly starts yelling at me something along the lines of "Oh my God, can you be quiet for 2 minutes." and "I can’t think over your talking" among some other things. I was pretty frustrated that she would demand me to stop talking instead of just asking me to stop but I just kept quiet until she had finished making her game plan. After about a minute, she said "Okay, you can speak again."
I then asked her why she didn’t just ask me to stop talking instead of overreacting the way that she did. She then said that she overreacted because she told me "Shhh" earlier but I kept talking. I never heard her say shhh (I’m not sure if it got filtered out by Discord or that her microphone didn’t pick it up) but I told her I didn’t hear her say that and asked again why she didn’t just ask me to stop talking.
At this point, she tells me that she wasn’t mad at me before but that she was mad now and wanted to quit the game. Before she dropped off, I apologized that my question made her mad. She said that we’re still friends but that she was still angry and needed to step away. It’s been about 3 weeks since then and we haven’t spoken to each other. She never apologized for overreacting in the first place. So AITA for repeatedly asking her why she didn’t ask me to stop talking?
Some additional context: We had both had pretty bad weeks. She did not elaborate to me about why her week was bad. I had a family pet of 20+ years pass away as well as a car accident and she was aware of this. I have talked out loud to myself when we would game in the past and she would tell me to be quiet and when I could speak again. It always frustrated me when she would do it then but I just kept quiet and moved on.
YTA If each person has to plan what they intend to do separately… Why would you not mute your mic while taking to yourself in the first place? Surely you must know that it can be difficult to concentrate on strategizing while someone else is muttering about every little thing that pops into their head. Mute while you’re working through things and unmute if you have something to say specifically to the other person unless you are meant to be planning as a unit.
YTA.
Pretty simple. Talking to yourself while you are on speaker is ALWAYS an AH thing to do. And you know this, because she’s “shushed” you many times.
You were both trying to set up your objectives/route, so of course it is very distracting to hear the other person talking about the same things that you are thinking about.
She doesn’t need to apologize for “over-reacting.” You need to apologize. She’s waiting.
YTA
You know someone is at the other end of the microphone, and you’re talking to yourself out loud? Why should she have to ask you nicely?
She may have overreacted, but you were *rude* and should have known better. You *knew* you being rude and decided to deflect the blame to her, and focus on her overreacting instead of taking responsibility for your behavior. YTA, and for heaven’s sake, get a microphone that has a mute button or something.
YTA
Use Push to Talk
YTA honestly. You said that she has shushed you many times in the past, yet you made no efforts to avoid having her forced to listen to your mumbling while trying to concentrate – you can just mute your mic when talking to yourself. You know that that habit annoys her. If she was loudly chewing on food while you were trying to concentrate, after you have told her to be quiet multiple times wouldnt you be annoyed?
ESH. Talking to yourself out loud when both players are planning their routes/actions is generally an AH move since you could easily mute yourself during the process. However, she also didn’t need to yell at you instead of asking you to mute yourself. A “shhh” doesn’t usually pick up on mics unless you do it loudly. You said you both had rough weeks and you instigated this situation, so I would just apologize and make an effort to mute yourself more in the future.
YTA here. This is why I don’t play well with others.
YTA.
It’s called muting yourself if you are not directly talking to someone else. It’s basic gaming etiquette. There, problem solved.
And instead of wondering why she’s “overreacting”, have a real conversation with her about what’s bothering her. Be prepared to actually take some accountability, because right now, you definitely aren’t.
BTA: you could mute while you’re planning and they could have muted you. I understand the strategy of planning out loud though. I’ve used it to great success with strategically minded players that simply don’t understand the human element of the game. I plan, and listen for their reaction. It’s recce by fire. But you didn’t say anywhere it was an intentional strategem, so I’d say apologise, eat a little crow and admit “I should have muted. I will do that from now on.” If they want to apologise back, that’s fine, but so is them not apologising. (If they don’t apologise AND act like they’ve been vindicated, find new friends.)
YTA. She did tell you to shh and then you asked again why she couldn’t ask you to be quiet. She already answered and you refused to believe her. You sound very demanding despite being annoying yourself..
Maybe the 3 week break isn’t only over this incident, but a build up of annoyance?