I (29) was offered a deal with my parents. They wanted to buy a condo and they said my siblings and I could live in it and pay low rent. I agreed, not my siblings. I quickly found out the air quality in here is horrible and that I’m in a situation. Everything that I find wrong has to go through my parents. I cannot contact the staff directly because I am not the owner. When I do tell my parents about the issues here, offering solutions and ideas, they deny them. So I am now stuck in this hellhole.
My health is very bad now and doing basic tasks are hard because my lungs feel so tight. Even going outside is hard. I saw a doctor who said I had an allergy and need to leave, which is going to everything but easy. I also told my parents this, who don’t seem to care. They have helped me clean the place and got me an air purifier, but nothing has helped so far. I know it must be something to do with the apartment itself, but they don’t want to discuss it with the staff.
My Dad, nearing his 70’s, is (likely)experiencing dementia because he will say one thing and then say something else. We were in the car together for a late night drive, because I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave the apartment. He knows about the air quality, I have only told him a million times, and yet he turns to me as says "so, if you could do one thing to help yourself with your health, what would you do." And then I realize he’s trying to put the reason I am unhealthy on ME. Not because of the apartment.
I am so damn tired of dealing with constant gaslighting from this guy, so I’ve ignored him a lot, and then he tries to contact me and get me to act happy, and act like this issue isn’t happening.
I recently reached out to a family member and filled them in on what was happening. I get the feeling that my family has listed me as a bad person, because I once yelled at my Dad over this (only because my Dad would not stop bothering me) and because I stopped paying my parents rent after nothing was getting fixed.
I was nervous because my parents are very well known and are very well liked. Meaning, people see them as perfect and could probably not see them as bad people.
When I reached out to family today and I had a small idea of where it could go. I didn’t reveal everything, because that’s a lot of reveal, but I got the idea that my parents have feed other family members this certain perspective of me. My Mom likes to compare me to her Mother, who dealt with a lot of health issues, and as soon as this family member brought up my Grandma, I knew that my parents had filled them in. So, I guess I’m just this crazy person in the family, and now I feel like I can’t reach out to anyone because they will think I’m this villain instead of a normal person who just wants to get back to feeling well again.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202202/8-types-of-children-scapegoated-in-narcissistic-families
Unfortunately you can’t force people to believe in invisible illnesses and some people will push back no matter how sick you are
NTA
If you’re already the villain and nothing is going to change, that, then move. You’ll still be the bad guy, but at least you’ll feel better and won’t have to deal with the gaslighting.
Be considerate, tell your parents that this isn’t working, give your notice and then leave. They’ll have to figure out what to do with the condo, but that’s on them since they’re the owners. They can either sell it, rent it to someone else for higher rent or move in themselves.
You are not obligated to stay someplace that is adverse to your health. If you were allergic to peanuts, you wouldn’t be forced to work in a peanut butter factory. You have options.
I don’t understand, why can’t you move out? Give notice and find a new place to live. Yeah, you would have to pay actual market rate rent, but that’s real life.
I’m trying to think of where or what this could be that the air quality is so terrible and the only thing I can think of is mold, especially black mold. Can you get the place tested for that?
Honestly this was a hard post to follow. Your parents sound like bad landlords but your siblings probably had the right idea in not moving in to this apartment.
If you have no lease, it sounds as if you should move out. If you have a lease, we’ll, it sucks that you have a legal obligation while they play the “we’re family” card to keep from fixing anything.
I think you should move ASAP.
Get the condo inspected for mold and for anything else that you feel may be the problem. Did you sign anything from your parents? If there’s no contractual agreement, then I don’t see a reason why you can’t move to a better environment for your health.
Just move! You have to look after your health. Clearly no one else is.
Why are you still living there if you feel it’s causing so much harm to your health? You’re not paying rent, take what you’re saving and use it to move out.
Find someone to stay with and just leave. I’m assuming there’s no rental agreement, so just put your stuff in storage and leave. Tell your parents this isn’t working out and they can rent it to someone else. Done.
Just move out. Give them a months notice.
NTA, just move, let the chips fall where they may. they can sell it.
You’re 29. Move. You said yourself you aren’t the owner. You have no obligation here. Even if you do have a lease that you never mentioned, you still need to move. Have it condemned if you must.
There is nothing in your post to judge. Seems like you forgot the AITA action part.
So only reason you have not moved out is because you are not paying rent?
Not a lawyer and not legal advice, but if you want to continue to live there if you can get problems fixed, you might explore getting a specific power of attorney to represent them to the condo association.
If you strongly suspect that your dad may have early dementia, this should be mentioned to whoever is drawing it up, as well as his doctor.