I (19F) am in a groupchat for my uni course. It’s usually chaotic roasting, and everyone’s fine with it, except for this girl “Dani” (19F). Recently she’s been interrupting conversations just to tell *me* to “shhhh,” and starting unnecessary drama.
Today I was talking with my best friend Wesley (23M), and Dani jumped in again, told me to be quiet, then started implying that he and I are an “almost something.” She wouldn’t drop it.
Later she sent a sticker of a pug flexing and flipping the middle finger. I joked that it looked like her, minus the muscle. The group laughed, she called me a chihuahua, normal roasting. But she kept escalating and taking personal shots.
Wesley tried to “make peace” by roasting both of us and calling me Ben 10. So I did something a little dramatic: I sent a mirror selfie (face covered) in a bikini top and shorts and captioned it “This is the 10.” It wasn’t sexual, it’s literally on my Instagram.
Everyone hyped me up, and Dani immediately replied:
**“If she shows this much here, imagine what she shows somewhere else.”**
Basically implying I’m indecent.
So now I’m wondering: **AITA?**
**Extra context:** I confronted Dani privately afterward. I calmly told her that implying I’m “easy” or a slut wasn’t okay. Instead of apologizing, she said she “wasn’t joking” and that everything she says in the chat is “the truth.” She said she only disrespects me because she feels I disrespect her and that she doesn’t want “hypocrites” in her life. She also randomly brought up my ex Rodrigo (we’re on good terms), saying he “deserves someone better.”
Later she sent what she called an apology. Here is her full message:
**“Hi, look, I’m coming calmly after everything you said. I don’t want to take it the wrong way because some things really do affect me, and I don’t say it because I know you probably don’t care.**
**But anyway, I just want to apologize.**
**I don’t want us to stay as friends because we’ll fall into the same thing again, but let’s stay as normal classmates.**
**If we ever see each other in person, that’s fine, everything is calm.**
**But the jokes you make, I’ve taken them very personally, especially the physical ones. Honestly, that really hurt me. I have traumas about that topic, and it hurts.**
**I don’t want to keep arguing because it leads nowhere.**
**So this will be my last message to you as the friend I used to be for you.**
**I hope you have more friends.**
**Let’s just stay as classmates.”**
For additional context: after this, Rodrigo and I talked, and even he agreed she was putting all the blame on me when she’d been taking shots first. He and I both struggle with body image too (we’re gym rats), but we don’t take it out on other people.
ESH.
This is all so painfully immature. None of you look good in this scenario.
ESH but you don’t need her in your life!
Now that I am 30 see how stupid I was at 19 😂 what is this
Hehheh…I have bad news for you re: your 30’s once you are in your 50’s…
😆😂
ESH. You are all acting like 14 year olds.
ESH. You are all being terrible to each other. Friends should support each other, not tear each other down.
Battle of the pick-me’s.
ESH. People putting up with being “roasted” does not necessarily mean they’re okay with it, it could be they’re trying to keep the peace. Think about how you all treat others. You’re young, you’re still learning so this is a gentle ESH.
>she kept escalating and taking personal shots
Info: Do you consider insulting someone’s appearance by comparing them to a dog to *not* be a personal shot?
ESH. You took the first low blow by bringing her looks in to it. You said you struggle with body image so I’m not sure why you would think that it was ok to compare her to a chubby dog.
If her behaviour was irritating or offensive to you it would have been better to talk about it privately rather than take a cheap shot in a group message.
You’re still stewing over a girl who isn’t interested in being friends and has cut you off politely though and it’s not worth the effort.
There’s going to be lots of people you meet that you won’t get on with and it’s better to follow her lead and be civil as classmates.
ESH. Yikes you’re all fucking exhausting. Also: photos like this are not okay in uni groupchats, not everyone wants to see that, be it good-looking or not.Take your feuds somewhere else, everyone’s gonna quickly tire of this shit. You sound like a high school bully going for looks right off the bat, so if that has contributed to your self-image issues, better look at that. You LITERALLY took it out on other people here.
Also, and that might change my judgement: in what way had she been interrupting and creating Drama? If it’s during class, yeah, of course, be quiet..?
ESH
All of you: grow up.
I mean literally, you’re all young, and you’re acting like it. Not necessarily your fault, young people are young, just take the opportunity to learn and grow.
Honestly, if you stop with the “roasting”, which is an inherently risky pastime (you never know when someone’s going to say something someone else is not OK with, or what resentment is silently building) you and her might find you have plenty in common and could be good friends. Or you might not, who knows, I’m just saying this experience isn’t a good one to judge each other on.
Even at 19 you can learn to have grace and become classy. Buy some etiquette books and learn how to be a respectful kind person.
ESH. Are you 12?? You can’t insult someone and then cry about it when they hit back. *Oh no she called me a -#*%% for posting a bikini photo in a school group chat, AFTER I called her a pug.*