Background info.
I’m a 25 years old female, mother to a 6 years old girl. I have a close friend Zae who is 21 college student. I consider her a really close friend, even a best friend. We text almost every day, even if it’s just short messages, and she’s honestly the only person I talk to that consistently. I am not sure what she considers me to be, but she often calls me sister. At the same time, Zae has two best friends she is extremely close to. They talk constantly and spend a lot of time together. When Zae and me are together, I notice she often texts or sends videos to them, and while I know I can count on her, our relationship feels different. I sometimes feel unsure about how much I can open up because I sense she is much closer to them than she is to me. I am not so close to her best friends. I talked to them, but nothing else.
So, last week we were both invited to a weddingthe wedding of Zae’s best friend’s mom. Originally, I wasn’t planning to attend because I never received an invitation. However, on the day of the wedding, the bride called me and explained that I was on the list but hadn’t been able to give me the invitation in person, so I decided to go. Her best friend’s mom (the bride) had asked them (Zae and her two best) to dress in a particular color. And Zae was supposed to be part of the wedding but something last minute happened. When I arrived, Zae was already with her friends and I chose to sit at a different table, I thought I would spend time with people I don’t get to see often and let her be with her close circle. Also, I’ve learned that when she’s with her other friends, I often feel out of place. They talk among themselves, and I end up feeling like I’m in the way, which becomes uncomfortable and awkward. After the party was almost over, she came to me & asked why I didn’t seat with her and I responded that I sat there because of my kid so he could be on a place where I could watching him and give him food. She did not seem too convinced.
Choosing to sit elsewhere was simply a way to avoid that feeling and allow everyone including myself to enjoy the moment without discomfort. She is truly a beautiful person who has a kind heart and I a truly value her and consider her a really close friend but the relationship is different. I am the A?
Why didn’t you tell her the truth? If she’s a good friend, wouldn’t it be important to tell her?
Yes, but because I feel like our relationship is different. I don’t want to be on the way of her and her best friends.
INFO: Did you tell her why you decided not to sit with her? It doesn’t sound like she’s that upset with you either, more confused.
INFO: Do you know the bride at all? What are the circumstances of the same-day wedding invitation?
If Zae is your main connection to the bride it feels a little weird for you to show up and not sit with her. But it also sounds like she and her two friends had a role in the wedding and you didn’t. And it’s fair for you to not want to hang out with her and her friends when you don’t fit into the dynamic. But then why go to the wedding at all? And who is calling a friend of a daughter’s friend on their wedding day to invite them to the wedding? I’m mostly just confused.
I know the bride. We have spoken multiple times.
NTA. Attending social events isn’t about sticking to one person like a barnacle. You’re allowed to mingle and hang out with others. Plus, with a kiddo in tow, you had other priorities. It’s not a popularity contest, it’s a wedding!
I’ll go with NAH.
You really shouldn’t be honest with Zae here instead of beating around the bush. If you want your friendship to continue, continuing to lie about the reason you feel disconnected won’t do anything. It also is kind of weird for you to not sit with her if you know her more than everyone else there.
I’m also confused on the circumstances. Why were you invited on the day of the wedding? Why did you bring your kid? Are you close with the bride?
I don’t really see why you went tbh.
You did fine.
In the future discuss how you want to feel more included in their trio and what that would look and feel like to you. That you know it’s not anything negative between anyone just that you feel like a third wheel and if they could just remember it reads that way when you all really value one another.