I (32M) need perspective on a 12-year friendship that ended badly.
Emily (32F) and I became inseparable after I came out at 19. Package deal. Felt like chosen family.
I have had mental health episodes. After my first one at 25, my wealthy, controlling father took my home and moved me to the US. Two years later, another episode. He hospitalized me, flew me to my home country promising a “three week holiday,” then abandoned me. No phone, ID, or money.
My aunt tried to get me involuntarily committed but hospitals said I wasn’t unwell enough. I admitted myself to a private hospital because my family took everything and I had nowhere else.
My father refused direct contact after that, using intermediaries instead. Emily took me in with Ryan and their kids. My father reached out to thank them, built a relationship with them directly. Ryan loved access to my wealthy father. Emily became my dad’s information source about me. My father still wouldn’t speak to me directly. I stayed three months, then returned to the US alone.
Emily and Ryan moved to expand her fitness franchise. My father convinced them to choose Colorado, helped enormously: housed them in his mansion for months, gave them cars, paid storage, flew her parents out. Meanwhile, I was sleeping in my car. They knew.
I asked to stay temporarily. They charged me $1200/month for a tiny room, above market rate. They’d just lived rent-free in my father’s mansion. They knew I had no money. The only way I could pay was escorting. Then they kept asking for more, even though $1200 supposedly covered everything.
I pushed back. She said: “Your true colors are finally showing.”
I mentioned saving for their wedding. I was supposed to be in the bridal party. She said: “If you have to budget for my wedding, maybe you shouldn’t come.” I asked to talk. No response. I moved out.
Months later, isolated, I had another episode. I sent many intense emails calling out the exploitation. No threats, but all my rage. My mental health never affected them until these emails. The friendship ended because I pushed back on exploitation.
They never replied or said stop. Instead, they went to police in my hometown, the city they only live in because of my family. They followed me to this part of the world, where my roots were. Nothing came of the police report except a detective threatening my arrest if I send another email.
They knew my history with systems being weaponized against me. They did the same.
I regret them. Being unwell explains but doesn’t excuse it. But they’re being used to erase everything before: exploitation, rent I had to escort to pay, cruelty about the wedding.
AITA?
TL;DR: Best friend took me in but built relationship with my wealthy father. Later charged exploitative rent knowing I’d escort to pay, cut me off when I pushed back. During a crisis I sent angry emails. She went to police. AITA?
Genuine question. Why would your father take your home after your first episode? Can you give some more backround on that
Also when you were living with that friend for 3 months. Was she taking care of you? Or just providing a roof over your head
This story seems a bit too far fetched for me. I am voting you off the island 🏝️
I need to upvote this, I cannot follow the storyline
They used you just for the perks and with all due respect but your father is a horrible P.O.S
Yeah, that’s the truth. I’m in therapy now. When I started, my father actually asked to meet with my therapist first to give him his version of events before I did. I allowed it because I thought maybe it would help him understand, or maybe I was still trying to keep the peace. After several sessions, my therapist has concluded that I’m better off without him. That he has no interest in reflecting or understanding me, but instead just wants to hire an army of people to “manage his wayward son”.
The hard part is that his wealth keeps me orbiting. I’ve been homeless. I’ve lived in my car. I’ve had to escort to survive. That fear doesn’t just disappear. The threat of having nothing again is real, and he knows it gives him leverage.
I’m working on building a life where I don’t need to maintain the relationship for survival. Studying software engineering, staying stable, trying to create enough security that I can finally walk away on my own terms. It’s a process. But I’m getting there.
Money ain’t everything in this life , I’ve been struggling as well for most of my life and lived in my car for 3 years in downtown L.A , crashing with friends and going back and forth from place to place , so I relate to you in a way.
You did what you had to do to survive , the most important thing is that you’re safe and getting therapy.
You’re not in the wrong for venting out and getting that anger out , that is completely normal .
I’d say just keep working on yourself, build yourself up again and the universe will sort the people that wronged you eventually.
It’s not easy having nothing , but sometimes having nothing is having everything.
My mom wanted to talk to my therapist, too; she said I lied on her and she wanted to “set (therapist’s name) straight”. He absolutely refused; said I’M his patient not my mom’s, and he didn’t much care to hear her version. My therapist is young, but he’s got my back.
Your therapist sounds solid. That’s how it should be. I think I allowed it because part of me was still hoping my father would finally understand if he just heard from a professional. Or I was trying to prove I had nothing to hide and had no intent to manipulate the therapist or omit details to make myself look better.
What’s ironic is that even after my father gave his version first, my therapist still concluded I’m better off without him. That says something. I’m glad you have someone in your corner.
I’m so confused. Your father moved you to the US at 25, but he stays in Colorado? And where is Emily from?
You had no ID for 3 months, but you flew back to the US alone? And then Emily somehow ends up in Colorado? And then you want to rent a place from her??? Where? Home country? Colorado? Or somewhere else?
How’d you admit yourself to a private hospital with no money?
Have you considered getting a job? Like, building your own life? YTA
Honestly, you sound a horrendous person to have in the family, chosen or otherwise. You call it “your house” – it was your father’s. You say you have mental health issues but continue to use drugs that are known to exacerbate them. You sent a bunch of abusive emails and are aghast that your victims chose to involve the systems that are designed to protect innocent people from threats. Grow up, take some responsibility for yourself and your actions, stand on your own two feet. You’re an adult, act like it.
I think you should be focusing more on maintaining a positive mental health. This person is irrelevant, you don’t need to be emailing her just cut her off.
Sidenote: I think your head space when you were in crisis may be negatively impacting the way you perceive your father and aunt’s actions. Maybe seek help from a mental health professional to get clarification/guidance.
Q: Do you regret sending the messages? Either in tone or content?