Ok Long story as short as possible.
This happened a few weeks ago, but since this still has an impact on my life today, I wanna know.
Mid November I asked a few friends if we wanted to meet up again. i scheduled our meet up for new years eve, since weve been spending it together for the past years. Almost everyone instantly told me if they could come or not, except for one person. She told me she didnt know since she got the dog her and her boyfriend adopted and he had to work. I told her okay, let me know when you know more. Weeks passed, as she didnt say anything. Then, new years eve arrives and my friends start to arrive. Ive heard nothing of said friend, so I assume shes not going to come to this party.
A few things I might have to add here: Ive never met her dog before. We just renovated our appartment. She comes from further away, so she always wants to spend the night. We just adopted a cat at that point.
Suddenly, after like 2 hours after our initial time we wanted to meet up, the Doorbell rings. I open the doors, she stands there, dog on a leash, smiling and going: Heey sorry for being late, dog had to have his evening walk. Im confused, asking why she hasnt Texted me that she was going to come. She said, she wasnt sure and just decided that she wanted to. I told her that I didnt want the dog in the apartment for earlier explaines reasons. (cat, renovted apartment (includes new couch, floor ect)) We then had a rather not so nice conversation in which I explained why I didnt like her just showing up. In the end she drove home. She told some of our friends what happened, and while some of them say I did the right thing, a few say I was rude and shouldve just let her stay.
AITA?
NTA – It would have been so easy for her to contact you before she came over. You don’t just show up with a dog and an expectation to stay the night without notice.
NTA
Her dog wasn’t invited. She could have asked whether her dog was welcome before she drove the 2 hours, and saved herself the time. Also she ghosted you for weeks and then just shows up and expects to be accommodated, dog or no, that’s considered rude on it’s own.
NTA
I really cant stand people who just show up to my place unannounced. She needs to have the courtesy to communicate with you clearly that not only is she coming but that she’s bringing her dog with her as well.
NTA- 2 things… She could of text you when she “suddenly decided” she was coming…. 2nd she has a dog, I get that cos same it’s a nightmare when you want to make plans at times but that comes with being a responsible pet owner BUT out of respect she should of asked you first if you were okay with the dog coming to which she then could of made her decision on if she could come or not. They’re very simple things to do and she downright disrespected that.
NTA
NTA at all. honestly, showing up uninvited to a party is already pushing it, but bringing a random dog to a newly renovated apartment with a new cat is actually insane behavior. like, does she not realize that’s a recipe for a literal animal fight or a destroyed couch?
you literally asked her for an update weeks ago and she ghosted you, so she doesn’t get to act surprised when you’re not ready for her. it’s your home, not a hotel where she can just check in whenever she feels like it. the friends saying you were rude are probably just trying to avoid the drama, but you were just protecting your space and your pets. if she wanted to be there, she should’ve sent a simple text instead of just appearing at your door with a pet you’ve never even met.
ESH – I think you’re both in the wrong. She shouldn’t have arrived unannounced with the dog when you have a new cat. But then it also seemed harsh you sent her all the way home to spend NYE alone.
What was the alternative though? She left the dog alone in her car? OP already said the friend always wanted to stay overnight because of the distance and it would not be fair to the dog to leave it there. OP is not obliged to have someone else’s dog in their apartment just because they came over without warning
No, not leave the dog in the car. They both just stay in the apartment. And the next day she should have had some strong words with her about coming unannounced with the dog and to never do that again.
She probably didn’t wanna leave the dog alone and knew you wouldn’t want it to come but didn’t think she’d be turned away
ESH, she prioritized her dog, you prioritized your apartment. Neither prioritized your friendship. But side note: your cat is much more likely to destroy your new couch than a dog.