My oldest sister and I have been engaged in a bit of a Cold War for the last six months. I’ve known there’s something wrong between us for a bit between our text tone changing, her starting to ignore me at family functions, and telling me multiple times to my face that she is not happy with my behaviour or life choices. I have asked her on seven separate occasions over six months if we could talk, and she keeps telling me she’s too busy, doesn’t have the mental fortitude for it, or that she wants an apology from me first. I gave the apology and she said it wasn’t good enough, that she doesn’t have time to hold me by the hand and tell me where I went wrong as an adult (she’s 41, I’m 28). AITA for sending screenshots of that conversation to my other sisters so they knew the situation without telling my oldest sister I was going to?
NAH. Couldn’t you just tell them the situation? Like you just did?
YTA.
This is not the way to earn trust back with your sister. There is definitely more to this story if you agreed to apologize. But by going behind her back, you just proved her right for not wanting to engage with you.
Edit to add: It’s fine to ask someone else’s opinion, but sharing a private text conversation without asking? Not cool
Info: what was in the screenshots? If the conversation revealed something personal about her, then you might be the AH.
Yeah, I had the same question. There is a lot of context missing from this post tbh
NTA. If they weren’t believing you and you showed them
ESH, I think the way you’re both handling this is adding fuel to the fire. I think she’s being really unfair for not communicating with you (especially since you’re so willing) but no one likes having their texts messages shared. It feels very high school.
Op won’t tell us what she did. Sis said she had to apologize and then half assed it. So how can you claim the older sister is just as much to fault when op won’t tell us what she did?
NTA
If she’s being cold to you then she shouldn’t be upset if people are made aware if how she’s treating you.
You probably could have shared that there was a situation without sending screenshots but I think the line here depends on the behaviour and life choices that are causing the rift. Accusations of homophobia or similar would probably justify bring receipts, so to say.
NTA; but you’ve just ensured that your oldest sister will never again respond to any of your texts. If that was your intent, you succeeded beyond all expectations.
INFO: what exact behavior and life choices does your sister not like about you? What exactly is going on with you guys? There’s a lot of context missing here
So, she finds the time to tell you at every single chance that she’s not happy with you and generally finds you to be a disappointment, but then can’t find the time to talk to you about it? And then tells you she doesn’t have the time to “hold you hand” about whatever she’s mad at you about?
While knowing what kind of behavior she’s talking about would be helpful, her behavior is just as shitty. For that, I’m voting NTA.
You tried to talk to her, you apologized when she asked for it, and she still has this attitude of “It’s not good enough, you’re not good enough, and you should feel bad about it.”
NTA sounds like you’re trying to get insights from your sisters. Also, your older sister is TA – you need to stop trying to fix something when she won’t tell you what’s wrong. If you’re living your life, not asking her for money or free labor, and not directly harming her, she doesn’t get a say in your life choices.
Stop asking her what’s wrong. Stop asking her to talk. Just interact like normal and if she’s short or passive aggressive, just act like you don’t notice.