This year in September, I recently moved into a one bedroom apartment with my roommate. We had met last year and became close friends quick because of shared interests like anime and video games (specifically team fortress 2). Not much girls I knew irl liked TF2 so it was nice to find someone else to yap to. Initially she was very sweet and considerate but that quickly began to change 3 months into moving in together. I’d mainly do all the chores to keep the apartment clean meanwhile she wouldn’t do much at all. l’d wash my dishes right away as soon as I finished using them. However, she would just leave her dishes and never wash them. I reminded her a few times only to be told be her "I’ll do it later. I have to go to class." And she’d keep doing that repeatedly until dishes have piled up to the point that the sink became crowded and unusable.
Roomie also would tell her parents all my business which felt like a violation of my privacy. She’d constantly tell her parents what I did in the day even though I wasn’t even in the conversation at all. One day, my sister had visited and we went around downtown. She proceeded to tell her parents all my plans for that day. I kindly told her that I didn’t want her to do that anymore since it felt like a violation of my privacy and that it was unnecessary.
She even weaponized her parents at times threatening to tell them things if something didn’t go her way which in my opinion is quite immature since we’re both grown adults who can handle things on our own. It would be things as minimal as moving the furniture around or that I didn’t want her using my food that I bought with my money without my permission.
There are so many things that I could say yet these are the main concerns. I’ve decided to go on an emergency roommate search so I can find someone else to move in with once the lease is over.
Roomie doesn’t want me to leave but I told her if we can’t live comfortably with each other without constant issues, then we should room with different people. However she began to cry when I told her I wanted a new roommate because I think it would benefit us and not just me.
Am I wrong for already setting up to get a new roommate? Am I the asshole in this conflict?
NTA. Also, stop telling her your plans or any of your business!
NTA
Just out of curiosity do you know why she was crying?
Also since she doesnt think you should move out and find another roommate did she say what she thought the solution should be?
Lastly she cant tell her parents what she doesnt know. The first time it was her issue for telling them but after you learned she told them your business the first time you should have stopped sharing anything with her. So everything but the first time is on you. Obviously she is still wrong for telling them but after she didnt stop the first time after you brought it to her attention you should have resolved the problem by cutting off her information flow.
She started crying because I wanted to find another roommate since things wouldn’t work out. Then she pulled the “everyone leaves me” card. Possibly to guilt trip. I even told her respectfully if we can’t resolve the issue then it would be better to find different roommates for next year. Then she said she wanted to make things work instead of me finding a new roommate since she said it’s hard for her to find a roommate. As for me telling her my plans it was because she’d ask and I’d tell her that I would go out to get coffee, go to class etc. just mundane things nothing personal. Then she’d spill it all to her parents which I found quite odd.
> Roomie doesn’t want me to leave
Roomie can kick rocks. NTA
Incidentally, I don’t think you need to couch this as it will benefit you both. You don’t have to convince other people all decisions are to everyone’s good. Do what you need to to have an okay living situation, because this ain’t it.
NTA. Why would you even think that you possibly could be the problem here? Just because someone is upset, it doesn’t mean you are at fault or that you did anything wrong. Sorry that she is sad, but you aren’t saying you hate her. that she is a bad person or even that you can’t still game together since that was fun for both of you. You are just saying the living situation isn’t working out for you, and it isn’t.
Your roommate has zero respect for you or your shared space. You chose poorly this time, maybe next time have specific conversations about your expectations for cleaning up, noise, privacy, guests, etc. so you can find someone you are more compatible with. I wouldn’t base compatibility on a shared hobby anymore, that doesn’t matter that much when it comes to living with another person…
NTA She’s a bad roommate and you should tell her so. She’s crying because you’ve been putting up with her b.s. when most other roommates wouldn’t so she’s upset she might have to actually live with someone who stands up to her.
Rip the bandaid off, tell her exactly why you are leaving. Tell her how her lack of accountability and help in the apartment has driven you away. This might give her insight into how to deal with roommates going forward. However it could just piss her off, giving you yet another good reason to move out. Don’t fall prey to the tears and pleading, you would regret staying with her, she just doesn’t like change or maybe she is afraid she won’t get a roommate that lets her walk all over them and get away with the things she does to you.
NTA
NTA. If your roommate won’t change her behavior that makes you uncomfortable then she shouldn’t be surprised you no longer want to live with her.