I (24F) moved back home after finishing my undergrad so I could pursue a master’s degree in my home state. I currently live with my mom and my dad (70M), who has been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years. For some context, my dad and I have always had a rocky relationship. Before his diagnosis, there was a lot of emotional distance. When he got cancer, things calmed down mostly because I bite my tongue. A lot of my frustration comes from feeling like my dad is very self-interested and limited in how he shows up for the family. My parents still live together but are not romantic. My mom doesn’t see him as a partner anymore for similar reasons I don’t view him as a great dad. She still loves him but essentially acts as his caretaker and sometimes jokingly calls him her “second child.” Over the past year, I’ve been trying to lose weight and have been working closely with a nutritionist. This means I buy my own groceries and follow a fairly strict plan with specific meals on specific days. Even my snacks are planned. The issue is that my dad keeps eating my food. There were two instances about a month apart where he ate the same item (falafels) even after I explicitly talked to him the first time and asked him not to. When I ask why he does this, he doesn’t really explain and just says he won’t do it again. FYI, I would not be upset if he simply asked. I would check my plan and see if I was going to have extra. I have previously given my leftover chicken to him if I didn’t think I was going to eat it. Tonight was kind of my breaking point. He ate the rest of my spring mix that I had planned to use for a salad. I snapped and asked him if I needed to start labeling my food and said I didn’t understand how he couldn’t clearly know he didn’t buy it. I’ll admit my tone was bad. This is about the 10th time I’ve had to ask him to stop eating my food.
I think that the reason this is so annoying to me is because it throws off my entire weekly schedule for food. I am left trying to find something else healthy which is hard when I only buy enough for the meals I planned. I can obviously eat the food that I have planned for the next day but I will be a meal short anyways. I want to note that I’m not perfect with the diet as we still go out to dinner and occasionally he or my mom cooks a family dinner. However, when I am motivated to eat well, I don’t want external factors like my dad interfering with my plan. My mom is stuck in the middle. She understands my frustration but ultimately sides more with my dad and tells me to take it easy on him because he’s struggling. While he has definitely struggled in the past, over the last year he’s been doing really well and he’s even running again. It doesn’t feel like he’s struggling so much that he can’t manage to eat his own food.
I don’t know if this is important to mention I am not charged rent but I pay for my other expenses.
So…AITA for snapping at my dad with cancer for repeatedly eating my food?
Yes YTA
YTA. It’s his house so unless he’s charging you rent, count your blessings. It’s just food
Why don’t you just move out so you don’t have to deal with it? You clearly don’t want to be around him, and your mom isn’t on your side, and he probably feel entitled since he’s (seemingly) footing your living bill, food excluded, and dying.
Just label your food. He may not remember who bought what or maybe your mom does the majority of the grocery shopping and he honestly goes by know.
NTA. If hes aware he can ask and has been asked not to just take it AND he said he wouldnt, then yeah hes TA.
I do think the context of you living there matters, but with the fact that he has actively said he’ll stop eating your food, and didnt, makes him a liar that let you set an expectation he wouldnt fulfill. I think its unfair to call you the AH with that in mind.
YTA. When you start paying rent you can complain about $3 worth of salad mix.
NTA. But you should either start labeling it or get a mini fridge to store your food separately.
YTA. It’s your sick father. I wish that I could have my father (who died of cancer 10 years ago next month) eat my food. 😭
YTA. Wow. Just wow.
YTA here. Get a small refrigerator for your room to make sure you can stay on your meal plan then buy your dad or even better take him shopping to allow him some variety in his meals. Chemo can also affect tastebuds so what used to taste good may no longer be appealing to him and your mom may be picking up the same items she has always purchased.
YTA
As someone who is on a weight loss journey I know how frustrating & annoying & hard it can be when things don’t line up when you have set a schedule of what to eat. But yourself a “dorm” style fridge that you can keep in your room with your food. I do believe you getting mad at your dad is more about unresolved feelings than it is about food. I strongly recommend getting help to resolve those issues before you no longer have the opportunity with your dad here. Keep in mind he is not going to be here forever
How far away is the grocery store?
YTA.
Do you take turns paying when the 3 of you go out? Do you but the ingredients for the family dinners that one of them cooks?
You eat their food or your food but don’t want him to eat any of your food.