To start with, I’m a SAHM. I quit my dream job to care for the kids as childcare was expensive and my husband didn’t want us to pay for it and said I’d have to find something else to do with the kids. I started cleaning and organizing family members homes recently for spare money since I could take the younger kids with me while the older are in school. I’m not making much, around $200 a month.
All our bills are already paid for, with a decent amount of money left after groceries/necessities so I figured I’d use it for myself since I don’t normally get to get myself anything. I use it towards specific stuffed animals I’ve really been wanting for a while mostly, with some going towards getting lunch with my friend or going for coffee, or sometimes stuff for the kids – or valentines day i got my husband a gift.
However, my husband got mad at me when he noticed I kept buying stuff, and when I said I only was using the money I had made, he said that’s not any better and that if I have money I should be using it to pay bills, not on stupid stuff.
I didn’t really have any counter to that as it’s true I’m not contributing at all, I just wanted to finally get to go out if I wanted to and buy stuff I like. I also thought there was no need to since I didn’t feel my little bit of money would do anything for us financially. So, aita? Or is it reasonable to keep it for myself? Or should I pay one of the small bills ($150ish range) and just keep $50ish or so for myself each month?
NTA. Your bills are already paid. Your husband is a controlling asshole, you shouldn’t have let him force you to quit your job if you didn’t want to.
NTA after additional comment from OP. Screw husband. He’s a jerk.
What does your overall budget look like, and how much discretionary income is your husband able to keep for himself? If you two are scrimping and saving for every little thing, then he has a fair point. If he just sees the money he earns as “his” money and acts like you shouldn’t ever want anything as a treat, then he’s a massive jerk.
You’re working double. You’re a SAHM and a cleaner. I think you can use your money however you want to. Or you can tell your husband you’re putting your child in daycare and let him figure out how expensive the work you’re doing is.
NTA. Please, PLEASE get rid of the notion that you’re not contributing anything at all. Being a SAHM IS a job, and it’s saving your family childcare costs, plus I’m guessing you keep up the house, cook meals, etc. Does your husband spend money on you? Does your husband spend any of the money he makes on himself? If the answers are no and yes, in that order, then you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
NTA you ARE contributing by raising the children 24/7
>as childcare was expensive and my husband didn’t want us to pay for it
Tell him again how you aren’t contributing financially. Not only are you contributing the equivalent of a monthly childcare bill- so hundreds if not thousands of dollars every month- but you also sacrificed your dream job so your family (husband) could live the life they want.
Tell him to stuff it. NTA.
This is the answer right here. NTA
Are you supposed to always be working? And working at home taking care of it and children IS WORK!, without never getting to do anything for yourself?! Tell him you want to trade places then. You go back to a career and let him see how “little” you contribute with your homemaker job.
Actually tell him to pay you the childcare bill and to also STFU.
NTA your husband sounds financially abusive.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economic_abuse
If he made you quit your job to be the breadwinner but needs the $200 you make a month for help he should evaluate his lack of ability to win the bread.
You’re not doing “nothing.” You’re taking on the childcare that was too expensive to pay for. That job doesn’t lose its value simply because you aren’t being paid. Use your money for what you want and tell him if he doesn’t like it, you can go back to your dream job so you have money to do both.
So, he was on board with you being a SAHM, but is upset because you now earn a little extra and use it on yourself? Nah, NTA. Maybe he should reevaluate how much he wants you to be a SAHM.
Sit down, look at a budget. If your bills are paid, you should each have some discretionary income. If your husband has the same designated fun money, he can’t complain.
But your main contribution is the amount you are saving the family on childcare, cleaning, takeout bills, etc. You are contributing labor instead of direct cash, and it’s very valuable labor.
Also, if you want to go back to work, do.
I am concerned you are being financially abused by your husband. If he forced you to quit your job, he cannot then complain that you don’t earn money. It reads like he just doesn’t want you to have any independent joy.
Get yourself back to work, put the kids into childcare whatever the cost. You will thank me in 20 years time.
Op, start a hidden savings account for yourself.