I’m 27 and live with my grandmother (66). I work from home as a nail technician, so clients come onto the property all the time.
About five years ago, my dad and his partner moved into a converted garage at the back of our place. There was never any rent agreement. They’ve lived here rent-free the whole time, and my gran and I have been paying for everything. They don’t really help financially.
Over the years it’s just piled up. When their dogs got sick, I was always the one who had to make a plan to get them to the vet, and every time it cost over R3,000 (about $160–$170), which here is basically close to a month’s groceries. One time they said they’d pay it back, but we only got a small amount once (around R700–R800 / $35–$40) and then nothing again.
Electricity has gone up a lot, so over the last few weeks and months my gran messaged my dad asking if they could maybe help with R400 a week (about $20–$25) just to take a bit of pressure off. Those messages were read and ignored.
The mess has been another ongoing problem. For more than two years now we’ve asked them to please clean up their space. They always say they will, but they don’t. It honestly looks like a junkyard, and it’s right next to my salon, so my clients can see it. Every time we try to talk about it, it turns into an argument, he gets angry, or we just get ignored. It’s draining.
My grandmother is still working because we can’t afford to live on my salary alone. Things at her job aren’t stable right now. She had a pay cut, and the business where she works is busy talking about selling, so there’s a lot of uncertainty and stress around money.
Because of all of this, I finally sent my dad a message giving him notice to move out by the end of February 2026. I tried to keep it calm and not turn it into a fight.
After that he sent me voice notes asking if another guy who stays on the property also has to move, saying I’m putting him and his family on the street, saying I’m making him homeless, and that he’ll have to get rid of his dogs because he can’t live on the street with them. He also wanted to know our finances, like I needed to justify the decision.
I did reply. I told him I understand this is hard, but unfortunately he still has to move out because we can’t afford this anymore. I didn’t argue or explain everything again, I just kept repeating that the decision stands.
Now I feel horrible, but at the same time this situation has been going on for years and I don’t know what else I could realistically do.
So… AITA for standing my ground and not backing down even though he’s upset and trying to guilt me?
NTA, and about four and a half years too late. good for you for learning boundaries. Better late than never.
NTA He needs to contribute
Nta – seems like you and your gram gave him plenty of opportunity over years to address these issues. They couldn’t be bothered. Now they’re living with the consequences of their actions – and that ain’t on you.
If it wasn’t your dad, a landlord wouldn’t put up with this behaviour. So why should you?
NTA. He has taken advantage for years and is now trying to guilt you when the free ride ends and also you protected your grandmother and your finances after repeated broken promises. That is reasonable
NTA – living rent free is not a right nor it is an obligation on the family to provide. He is not only taking and taking without giving, he is damaging the reputation of your business, which in combo with your Grandmother, fund his lifestyle. He needs to grow up. Maybe he will learn to do that without the free ride.
Parents always think they have a free pass to take advantage of the children as if they feel like just because they raised them which is literally their job, somehow translates to their child when they become an adult “owing” the parents back.
NTAH, should have done it years sooner At least cracked down on paying rent.
NTA
You’re under no obligation to support a deadbeat, family member or not.
They’re capable adults who:
\-are not contributing to the household
\-are an active economic drain
\-have a potential negative effect on your income
\-cause emotional stress.
Summed up, there is no reason to let them stay. If they end up homeless, that’s entirely on them.
Congratulations on growing a spine at least 4 years late, but better late than never, the audacity of that guy.
He’s going to try to shame you with the rest of your family, prepare for that…
Edit: NTA
OOP, be prepared to suggest that any family members that get on your case about this be prepared to put them up for free and see how their tune changes.
NTA. He’s lived rent-free for years and ignored every request to help. Giving notice isn’t cruelty, it’s overdue
NTA. It’s long overdue, but you are finally getting rid of those burdens.
NTA. The guilt tripping is wild lol. You’re not making him homeless, you’re done carrying him
NTA. I don’t believe in landlords, but I also don’t like men taking advantage of people like this.