Apologies in advance, I rarely use reddit and i’m not the greatest storyteller lol.
For context I, 23/F, work 12 hour nights and my friend (Brian), 22/M, who basically lives at my house, will drive my boyfriend (Monty), 22/M, to work on days that I work since he is not able to drive himself due to hx of seizures. Monty and Brian work at the same facility and happens to be in close proximity of my house compared to Brian’s. With these factors alone it’s always been easier for Brian to spend the night at my place when he works or if I’m not able to bring Monty to work. Brian would usually just crash on the couch in the living room so he can watch tv and do homework as to not bother Monty on a work night. However lately I’ve noticed different chargers on my nightstand, drinks i have not left on my nightstand, and another smell of cologne on my pillows that doesn’t belong to my boyfriend. I didn’t pay much mind to it at first because Brian has stated in the past he has gotten sore from sleeping on the couch all the time. But certain circumstances have now created an annoyance anytime I realize Brian has slept in my bed.
A little while back it was brought to my attention by my boyfriend that Brian had a cyst and it had popped while he was sleeping on my side of the bed. I know Brian was embarrassed and had even offered to buy new sheets, however I can’t help but still be grossed out. I’m very particular about my belongings and a bit of a germaphobe to some extent, so to find out that my brand new white sheets now have a big stain I was beyond frustrated.
Another circumstance happened just recently on a night when work was slow so I was able to go home early. I came home and before I could even get out of my work clothes I realized Brian was in my bed and was spooning my boyfriend. Before anyone thinks it no Monty is not cheating on me. For some context, the three of us have been close friends since our freshman year of high school. Now Brian and Monty have been friends when they were kids but reconnected once we all kind of ran with the same group of people in high school. I should also mention that Brian came out as gay when he was 13 and Monty bisexual around 14 or 15. Despite all that information sounding like damning evidence, I know Monty wouldn’t cheat on me. However I couldn’t help feel uncomfortable by what I was seeing. I told Monty about my discomfort of Brian sleeping in our bed and he just tells me to tell Brian to stop. But I can’t help but feel by telling Brian why I don’t want him sleeping in the bed anymore would taint our friendship. I don’t want him to be embarrassed or to think I don’t trust him, am I in the wrong for not wanting him to sleep in my bed anymore?
Girl no way you’re this obtuse. Your boyfriend was the little spoon and you think he wouldn’t cheat on you? LOL
> he just tells me to tell Brian to stop.
Is it not a red flag that you have to be the one to tell Brian to stop? Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t care/doesn’t want this to stop and appears to be encouraging it.
NTA but like…read the room.
Are we sure the liquid OP found in the bed is from a cyst bursting?
>I came home and before I could even get out of my work clothes I realized Brian was in my bed and was spooning my boyfriend.
NTA Even if they aren’t cheating with each other it is still inappropriate and they likely are cheating.
Even sleeping in your bed without asking is crossing the line, but spooning your boyfriend and he is gay and your boyfriend bi? Come on…
>I told Monty about my discomfort of Brian sleeping in our bed and he just tells me to tell Brian to stop.
Why is your boyfriend so comfortable with Brian in the bed? I guess he doesn’t want to miss out on future “spooning.”
NTA
You get to decide who gets to sleep in your bed for whatever reasons you want. That’s really it. You can tell him the reasons if you want to, but you don’t have to. The only reason you need is “I don’t want him to.”
For the rest of it, you maybe also have a boyfriend problem, maybe not. I’m definitely giving him the side-eye, ~~but it could all be totally legit.~~
EDIT: I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but your bf is *absolutely* part of the problem.
Brian and your BF are fucking
NTA, and reconsider this relationship while you get tested
“Brian was in my bed and was spooning my boyfriend.”
“no Monty is not cheating on me”
…girl.
NTA, but you are delulu.
That cyst that popped….it wasn’t a cyst
Someone popped all over the bed alright…
Username checks out.
Are you really this oblivious? They’re fucking, in your bed. God I hope you’re just farming karma and not actually this stupid.
Nta. you trust someone you shouldn’t . because if your bf won’t tell him not to sleep in the bed, it is because they are having sex. sorry.
NTA. Lets join the delusion Monty is not physically cheating on you, he is absolutely platonically cheating on you by telling you to tell Brian to stop. Thats a cheat. Thats him violating basic rules of any relationship to get you to have a sour dynamic with Brian because he doesn’t want to.
Updateme when you realize accept that your bf is cheating on you.
Big yikes honey, they’re using you for a place to stay and carry on a relationship of their own.
NTA, but, ruuunnnn
YTA-to yourself for believing that they aren’t fucking. They absolutely are. A cyst didn’t burst, it was something else.
You are in a non consensual poly relationship. Decide if that’s what you want or not.