This happened a while ago but it’s been weighing on me. My bf (30m) and I (27f) have been together about 5 years. Lots of ups and downs. When we first started dating, I noticed a painting in his room. It was of an ostrich putting its head in the sand in front of a sunset on an unframed canvas. Kind of like the kind you buy at the craft store. I asked him if he painted it and he said "yes" and quickly changed the subject.
We eventually moved in together and he hung the painting above our bed. Well one Valentines Day I made him a melted crayon painting of my favorite picture of the two of us. He seemed to really like it so while he was on a business trip, I decided to replace the painting above our bed with the new one I made so he’d be surprised when he got back.
I took the painting off the wall and glanced at the back of it and there was a message written in black marker. I didn’t really intend to read it but it caught my eye. It was a message from him ex gf, cute nicknames and everything, saying she hopes he likes the painting and she loves him.
I immediately called him to ask about it and he got super defensive, saying he never said he painted it, and I shouldn’t have taken it off the wall. He said he was busy and couldn’t talk at the moment but before he got off the phone he asked me what I did with the painting. Confused, I said I didn’t do anything with it, I just took it off the wall. He said he was worried I had thrown it away or broke it.
He’s been really upset with me since he got back from the trip, but just I don’t feel comfortable sleeping under a painting made by his ex. We can’t come to an agreement so now it’s just an empty wall above the bed. So I’m leaving it up to Reddit. Am I the a-hole for taking the painting down?
Serious red flag. I am a lover of art, and unless this person passed away, there’s no real reason why the painting shouldn’t go or be moved to at least another location in the home. It makes you uncomfortable, your feelings matter too.
I hope you two can reach a compromise.
NTA
He’s the AH for lying about who painted the picture, and it’s reasonable that you don’t want a gift from his ex with a personal message on it to be hung in a place of honor above your bed.
NTA – You could have asked him before you replaced the painting, but he shouldn’t have lied about painting it.
Now that you live together, you should feel comfortable in the space, and having a painting from his ex hanging over the bed doesn’t feel romantic.
He doesn’t seem to be over his ex. I think him hanging it over yalls bed was extremely disrespectful. And he should have been apologizing when you confronted him but all he seemed to care about was the painting and if you had done anything to it.
Yep, exactly that. This kind of reaction says it all.
NTA. That’s super weird that he kept it above your bed without telling you, got defensive about it, and is upset with you. It seems like he’s really attached to that painting. Was the breakup with his ex messy?
NTA, Are we sure this guy is even over his ex?
NTA Something here hasn’t been processed, resolved or dealt with. Taking the painting off of the wall isn’t bad, let’s say you had taken it down to wash the walls and noticed it that way? It would still be weird. And for him to ask in the same phone call if the painting was unharmed is even weirder. After five years I would not be cool with that