Throwaway bc I don’t want my friends seeing this. I need real opinions because everyone I ask irl is saying different stuff.
So quick backstory: My best friend Ana (20f) has beef with Jane (20f) and Mia (20f). It’s a long story but basically Ana and Jane used to say Mia was super fake and all “good vibes only” hypocrite stuff. Then Jane got really close with Mia and now Ana feels betrayed by Jane and still can’t stand Mia. Also Mia is dating some other friend’s ex which pretty much killed the whole group. Now we’re all kinda separate.
A couple days ago Isabella (20f), who’s super tight with Mia and Jane, came up to me and offered me a spot in this university student org (kinda like student council). It actually sounds cool and I’m interested, it’d look good on my cv and stuff.
The problem is that Ana will 100% get furious at me if I accept and start working with Isabella. Isabella is friends with both Mia and Jane, Ana and Isabella had drama in the past (they both kissed the same guy at some point), and Isabella has said multiple times that Ana is just jealous of her. Ana already got mad at me before because I didn’t completely cut contact with Mia and Jane. I don’t hang out with them, I don’t text them, but we say hi and have small talk when we see each other in classes.
Plus, I’ve hurt Ana before by still talking to them and even to Mia’s current boyfriend (who’s my ex-boyfriend too), but only because he’s the president of my Theater Club and we have to interact for that. Our friendship feels like it’s on thin ice right now because of all this.
I really wanna do the org because it’s just uni stuff, not like I’m picking sides with them. It’s not social, it’s more like school activity. But I know Ana will take it as me going behind her back.
AITA if I just accept it anyway even though I know it’ll upset her? A lot of people have told me I can wait for other professional opportunities later in life, and that I should value my friendship and loyalty more than a uni club spot. That part makes me doubt myself a lot, maybe I’m being selfish by even considering it when it could damage things with Ana even more.
NTA Ana needs to get over herself. The world does not revolve around her and you are allowed to have other friends and be a part of student organizations. I get that she doesn’t like Mia, but that doesn’t mean Ana gets to control who you hang out with. She sounds like a mean girl.
You seem like you’re scared of your friends, which is really sad and really strange
omg the TEA is HOT!
That being said, you’re joining a uni org, not taking a bullet for anyone. Ana should be happy for you, if anything, because this could open up new friendships and career advancing oppurtunities. The position in the club has nothing to do with your loyalty and friendship with Ana, it has to do with you. And sometimes, you need to prioritize you! You can speak with Ana and tell her you’re going to join the club and it has nothing to do with the other girls. If Ana can’t see that, then she might need to re-evaluate what friendship means to her because to me, it sounds like she’s mixing up loyalty and control.
You should join the organization as it is highly unlikely you will even speak to any of these people in three years. Ana sounds high drama, you may want to find someone who doesn’t police who you are allowed to speak with.
Don’t ever let someone prevent you from doing something you want to do just because they can’t/don’t want to. Do what you want to do.
NTA. Ana sounds like the type of person who wouldn’t consider your feelings like you are hers if it were the other way around. Tell her its time to grow up.
This entire friend group sounds like middle-schoolers, not university students.
Do what is best for you. If someone gets upset, even after you’ve explained why you’re doing it, maybe that someone isn’t much of a friend. Anything that might help you stand out or get an advantage (without actually deliberately using or sabotaging someone else) is something to be given consideration. If your friends want to spend these important years being full of drama, let them, while you work on getting set for your future.
This is high school level drama. You can be friends with whoever you like. Just because friend a has beef with friend b is no reason to cut off your nose to spite your face. You’re adults and can fight your own battles.