I (19F) broke up with my ex (18M) four months ago, and I still can’t seem to move on.
We dated for most of high school. We got together at 14 and 13, broke up when we were 15 and 14, and got back together when we were 16 and 15. We had lockers next to each other in Year 12, went to formal together, and graduated side by side. We almost made it a year out of school. Our final breakup last October was mutual. We had an unresolved argument, didn’t speak all day, and when I got home and called him, he said he didn’t want to talk about the fight. So I drove to his house. We cried, hugged, thanked each other for everything, and shared a last kiss. Part of me thinks we could’ve made it without the break up if we had just talked it through.
A month later, he sent a photo of himself with another girl in our shared friend group chat. That crushed me. Not because he was moving on, but because it felt like he was rubbing it in my face. I cut him off completely. I removed him from all my socials and left the group chats.
However, his sister is my best friend. Well. She was. After the breakup, she constantly told me what he was doing with other girls (including that he slept with the girl from the photo) and told him anything I said about other guys. It created a lot of resentment. Meanwhile, our friend group kept hanging out. Just without me.
In January, we ended up at the same small party. I asked to talk. He said he sent the photo because he was hurting and thought I was moving on. I admitted he hurt me. In a weak moment, I told him I still loved him and would take him back if he asked. He said he’s over us.
The next day he texted to say he didn’t hate me and wanted me back in the group chats. I rejoined.
Since then, we talk in the group chats almost daily. I’ll usually start conversations about my day. In the beginning, he was the main one responding. And so, once we were done talking about our days, and if no one else had even opened the conversation, it would move onto something about one of our shared interests, or our families. Nothing that anyone could not necessarily join in on, just stuff we used to talk about.
One day my friends made a throw away comment about how we should just text each other privately. I asked my best friend about it and she said she was kidding and would be behaving the exact same way if she were in a group chat with her ex. She said she would ultimately prefer us to talk in the group chat, rather than privately where we may end up getting back together.
But I don’t know. I find myself checking if he’s responding constantly, and I get excited when we talk. Before any sort of relationship, he was my best friend, and it’s nice to have him back. But I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable in the process.
So AITA for engaging with my ex in a group chat with our friends? I know he doesn’t want me back romantically, I just really miss his friendship.
YTA, to yourself though. setting yourself up for heartache once again.
the texts in a groupchat like that would annoy me personally but you’re not an AH for that.
YTA to your friends and yourself. You are making them uncomfortable. You’re not being truthful to yourself.
Block him from everything. Stop reaching out to him. You’re only creating more pain.
Girl you need to move on. Youre so young and there are so many other better guys who will love you the way you deserve. I know it’s hard moving on but it’s for the best for you and your mental health. Youre sabotaging yourself by talking to him. He said he’s over you guys and that shoukd be your sign to move the f on. It’s hard but it’s for the best
NTA, I’d say. It’s pretty clear that you two have lingering feelings for one another. Tbh the both of you should sit down and have an honest conversation with one another. And your ex should let the girl he’s with go cause it seems like she’s only a rebound and she will get hurt in the process .
YTA for forcing all your other friends to be exposed to what is surely a constant stream of chit-chatty, borderline flirty texts with your ex. Your friend is right. You should move to a private chat. But even better you should move on from being hung up on your ex. You clearly want to be more than friends and are setting yourself up for heartbreak when he starts dating someone new.
NTA but a bit embarrassing for you given the context, and makes him seem self absorbed
Oh yikes this is such teenage stuff 😂
I could understand a N A H take here because you’re just immature children doing what children do.
But you’re old enough. I think YTA primarily because there’s no way you aren’t grasping what an uncomfortable environment you make that group chat when the two. It’s significant that you don’t mention that anyone else uses the chat the way you and him do.
NTA, but you’re obviously still holding a candle for this guy, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
NTA for talking to him.
But you’re going to end up hurting yourself by continuing to talk to him after he’s told you he’s not into you anymore. You’re looking forward to his messages… Be careful not to become disillusioned with this and not allow yourself to heal or move on.
I remember being like this also when I was younger. I’m 31 now and still struggle with this. Ironically I’m also going through a breakup lol so I get it.
Best of luck! Sending you a hug.
YTA
To both your friends and yourself, this is not healthy. Nothing about it is healthy. You may miss his friendship, but you can’t just be friends with an ex that you were with that long. Eventually you’ll both move on and trust me, your current partners will not appreciate the fact that you’re talking to each other. It will probably keep both of you from being able to be in any actual long-term relationships. There’s no way for this end. That’s not bad.
Thank you. Whilst not wanting to hear this, I needed to. I guess in my mind, it would be easy to stop talking to him once I had a long term partner because I don’t believe in ‘guy best friends’ or anything like that, so I would stop talking to him then. But part of me was just hoping this would end up in us getting back together.
So no. Not healthy at all.
Yeah I’m sorry you are going through this. But you would most likely never get to a long-term partner as long as you’re still talking to your ex at all. It’s like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off.
Good luck, it’s a rough experience but you got this.
YTA. It’s not fun being an audience to all that fake ‘friendship’. Your phone constantly notifying you to messages and you know it’s just a load of nonsense chat between two people who are being all friendly when there’s more to it. It’s likely they’ve all just muted the group chat and it probably is just you two talking in private.
As for him saying he only sent the photo to hurt you, don’t forget he is also banging that girl as well yeah. It wasnt just a selfie with a random girl.