My (37f) in laws (60s) are mad that we haven’t travelled (across multiple state lines to see them). We saw them at Thanksgiving, and now every call they complain that it’s been too long. They live a plane trip away or a multi day car ride away. They visited us twice in a row before Thanksgiving and they think that we should be responsible for visiting them a second time in a row to be fair. However, we have kids, including a toddler and I’m pregnant. It’s hard to travel with them while pregnant. I told them to that, unless there is an emergency, I’m not traveling until well after I give birth and the baby is well past the newborn phase, 6 months ideally. They are mad and claiming it’s unfair because we live in the same town as my parents. They say they are older than us but in decent health and shape but they keep complaining that they are too old to travel all the time and can’t take too much time off work. They are hybrid and often work from home.’I’ve told them multiple times they are welcome to come whenever they want for however long they want. I’m getting so annoyed with them complaining about us not visiting all the time, but they seem genuinely mad that we aren’t visiting them.
NTA. You’re being super reasonable
NTA-You’ve offered them the chance to visit it isn’t your fault that they are upset they aren’t getting their way.
>They are mad and claiming it’s unfair because we live in the same town as my parents.
Uno reverse it. It’s unfair that you have to travel so far when your parents chose to live near you. (If your parents didn’t mive away after you bought your house, they chose to live near you lol) It’s unfair that you have to host them when you never host your parents overnight. It’s unfair that you have to torture your family and everyone around you on a plane to visit them, but you can visit your family with no drama. Why do they want you to torture a baby anyway?
NTA- they need to grow up, life isn’t fair. They can do what’s best for them, but they owe you the same courtesy of respecting that you decide what’s best for you and your kids.
INFO:
Where is your husband in all of this? They’re *his* parents, and he needs to take the lead in dealing with them.
I second this! You may have a husband problem not an ILs one.
Most inlaw issues are really spouse issues. I feel like if women (and men) stopped attempting to handle/interact with their spouse’s family on their own, most inlaw issues wouldn’t be a thing. Once the couple decides the line they are responsible for making their parents tow it.
NTA but starting redirecting all this chatter to your husband to deal with. They’re his parents.
NTA
But by continuing to engage in their conversation, you unintentionally allow them to think that they can change your mind.
Stop engaging. Tell them that you have made your decision and shared it. Then change the subject. Repeat every time the subject arises.
Congrats on expanding your family!
horrible people. set boundaries, tell hubby to grow a pair and shut this down.
NTA
I’m pregnant with a toddler. I told our entire family I would not be traveling until well after I give birth. No one has complained, everyone has expressed their understanding.
Your in-laws ATAs here and if I were in this position, I would hope my husband would handle this situation. You are growing a person while wrangling a toddler (and maybe working too? I know I am), you don’t need to be dealing with this ridiculous drama.
NTA but talk to your H and ask him to deal with them.
NTA. Start sending them properties listings near you.
NTA
Definitely not.
Whatever their expectations are, it is NOT your responsibility to meet them.
Many people don’t understand how important it is to listen to your body and avoid unnecessary stress when pregnant. It can release adrenaline which is bad for the baby.
The same applies in the newborn period.
NTA.
Hold your boundary. State the boundary once and then shut it down. Or ignore the complaints completely.
MIL: “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you”
OP: “just let us know if you’d like to visit”
MIL: “But you should come to us, we’re old…”
OP: “That will not be happening and you know this. End of discussion.”
MIL: “It’s just really hard…
OP: “OK, I’m hanging up now, maybe we can try again in a few weeks if you’re willing to respect my boundaries.”
Or
MIL: “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you”
OP: crickets
MIL: “It’s just that we miss you and we can’t travel”
OP: crickets
OP: crickets
OP: more crickets…make it really really awkward.