2 days ago me (17m) and 3 of my friends (Charles, 16m Christopher, 17m and Luke, 17m) were supposed to go hangout in the mall and then go have dinner. However, that very same day, Luke told Christopher that he couldn’t go because he had a bad day, but that the 3 of us could still go without him. Christopher then told Charles about it and then Charles told me.
It seems that Christopher and Charles decided that yeah, the 3 of us would hangout, and another day we’d try to hangout with Luke too. However, in the message Charles sent to me, IT DID NOT SOUND LIKE THAT, or at least not to me. Here’s the message: "Hey man Luke said that he can’t come today, he said we can hang out another day the 4 of us and that there’s a small chance he might make it today but just lyk that probably we won’t hang out all of us today."
To me, this was basically saying that the plan had been cancelled and that we were going to look for another day. I didn’t ask further questions and I just said "Alr bro tell Luke that no worries". Now, here came the problem, in the plan we had agreed that my dad would pick us all up and leave us at the mall. So, since I told my dad that the plan had been cancelled and that there was no need for him to drop us there. Fast forward a couple hours, I noticed I got quite a few missed calls from Charles. I called him back and after he asked what was I doing (I was playing videogames), he started getting very mad with me saying that not only had I not pulled up to the hangout but that I left them stranded and that they had wait for 30 minutes for the bus to arrive. I told him that I thought the plan had been cancelled, and he asked me when on Earth did he say that, that he had only said that Luke wasn’t coming, not that the whole thing was cancelled.
I started to get mad too because from my pov if that was the case Charles was the worst person communicating via text I had ever seen in my life. I told him that it was not my problem that he sucked at communicating things through text and that his message clearly said that the plan had been cancelled. Eventually we calmed down, but he still thinks I’m the asshole for saying it’s his fault and not mine, since if I wasn’t sure, I could’ve asked him if the plan was still going to happen (although according to him the message was crystal clear).
AITA?
honestly on him for miscommunication, but you did take one person not pulling up as ”it being off” so…
this part right here “there’s a small chance he might make it today” should have tipped you off as to what he actually was saying imo. but sometimes miscommunications happen, so NAH.
but cool off on your anger, it’s not charles’s fault. (if anything, luke should’ve texted all of you)
You’re bad at reading. It said his friend might not make it, so it’s not cancelled is it?
I think this is an issue of clarification on both parts. Nobody’s an asshole, but there probably shouldn’t be blame on one party when it was clearly an error. It’s understandable that they were upset about being stranded, but they can’t blame you particularly for misunderstanding. I think telling them that they suck for communication when you made the mistake is misguided, but it’s not coming from a place of malevolence.
Be a little more careful with clarifying questions if you think big changes are happening in plans (ex: “to be clear, x/y is how the plan, correct?”)
Through text this sort of miscommunication happens all the time. Neither one of you are an asshole. Agree to disagree, shake hands, and agree to pick up the phone and actually have a conversation next time.
YTA – Your friend’s text was poorly worded, but he never cancels your plans. It seems you misinterpreted. A quick ‘are the three of us still on?’ reply would have been super simple.
>To me, this was basically saying that the plan had been cancelled
**I didn’t ask further questions**
Sounds like if *you* had better communication, you would have asked for clarification.
YTA for passing the buck, and laying all of this on Charles.
ESH. In his message he said “there’s a small chance he might make it today” implying that today’s plans are still happening; however, he also said “we can hang out another day” and “we probably won’t hang out all of us today” so I totally understand your confusion.
He should have communicated better, yes, but you should have also asked for clarification, especially since you were the ride.
It was not a perfect communication but, I understood it to mean that there was still a plan but, that Luke would not be a part of it or at least there was a very small chance. Both the sender and the recipient of this message were off point and you should have clarified the plan before just assuming anything. Going forward, when you receive any type of plans that affect more than one person, repeat it back to the sender as you understand it so that they can correct any errors (if any) in you understanding.
No judgement, you need to learn to communicate in way that verifies what you understand the plan are before moving on from the conversation.
He didn’t cancel, just stated that Luke couldn’t make it. You should have called when his text didn’t make sense to you. Clarify. Anyway, you are the a hole. Also why didn’t Luke just tell the group he couldn’t make it that day vs. Having Charles text?
ESH
Mostly Charles…his message was super unclear, but definitely leaned in the direction of the hangout was off.
To me, it sounded like we won’t be hanging out today unless Luke gets back and says he can make it.
Just both of you admit the lack of clarity, and that wrong assumptions were made on both sides…and move on.
YTA
Tbh neither of you seem amazing at communicating but the fact is that you made too many assumptions without asking any follow up questions. His message to you didn’t say the plan was cancelled but I could see how it would make you wonder. The correct response from you would have been “is the plan still on for everyone else?” Or “are we still going to meet up without him?”
Especially because you were the person who’d agreed to provide transportation, it was your responsibility to make sure of what was happening. So you did in fact leave them hanging and when you should’ve just apologized for the misunderstanding you got pissed. From their point of view you fully flaked on them and didn’t respond to any of their calls.