My friend, let’s call him Derek, has been dating his girlfriend, who I’ll call Sarah, for about 4 years. They’re both Francophiles and she has apparently wanted to be proposed to in Paris since she was a teenager. Derek has made it pretty obvious that he wants to marry her and they started planning a trip to France. After a few weeks of planning, Sarah said that Derek should actually go to Japan instead and take her little sister, let’s call her Tina, since Derek and Tina are both weebs. Sarah would instead go to France by herself. Derek was very confused by this. He hadn’t said anything about going to Japan(he’s already been to Japan with me) and Tina is 14 years old, so it’s weird of Sarah to suggest this.
I told Derek it sounds like Sarah doesn’t him to propose to her, and going to France without him makes me think she wants time away from him to evaluate their relationship. He was offended and said I make it sound like she’s going to break up with him. I said she probably is. Now he’s mad at me and accusing me of trying to stir up drama. If you knew me, you would know that I am not the kind of guy to do that at all. I feel like I’m in a no-win situation now though. If she doesn’t break up with him, I’m an asshole. If she does break up with him, somehow I’ll be to blame. I’ve been avoiding Derek(online and in person) for about a week to prevent any further tension, but I’m starting to think that I was just telling him something he was already worried about and just made him feel even worse about it.
So am I an asshole here?
NTA but if he’s so mad about it then just keep out of it and mind your business. however instead of just telling him “she’s probably going to break up with you” you could just tell him to talk about it with her directly and suggest to get her to open up about wanting to evaluate their relationship so they both atleast know where they stand , but in the end it’s also best to just let it play out the way it will.
Oh wow. That sure is a weird situation. Sarah wanting to go alone and she suggests that he take her little sister to Japan. Something is definitely amiss. He needs to ask her directly what is up. YNA. I understand why you are avoiding him, but since he is your friend, you may want to say a light “I’m sorry that I said that.” Then never mention it again. Of course you can always just act like nothing happened. It really depends on how he behaves towards you.
NTA, you were just being honest with your friend about your opinion. You probably thought your bond was tight enough that you could do that. That said, sometimes people do not want honesty or opinions, so apologize to your friend for crossing the line into his private business and make sure you keep your thoughts about his relationship to yourself from now on. Not everything needs to be said out loud.
And for heavens sake do NOT say ‘I told you so’ if she does break up with him! This is not about you!
It is weird that she wants to go to France without him, but you do not know how she is feeling. You are just speculating this idea and you do not know if it’s true. If you knew 100% that she wanted to break up with him then I would saw you are not the asshole. BUT you have no clue. You are an asshole for bringing up the idea of it. You could have pushed him to ask his gf why she wanted to go by herself or why she is recommending another trip. Like there are some trip ideas I rather go by myself or with other people other than my bf. Maybe she knows he might propose but she wants to enjoy France by herself before creating a joint memory like that.
NTA, but:
> I feel like I’m in a no-win situation now though. If she doesn’t break up with him, I’m an asshole. If she does break up with him, somehow I’ll be to blame.
Exactly. This is why no-win situations mean you should stay out of it. Even if you see the freight train coming and you’re totally right, your friendship with the guy is going to take a hit.
Even if you’ve been friends with this guy for longer than 4 years, it doesn’t mean that he is going to heed your warning.
At minimum, it should strike your friend as weird that his GF is sending her minor sister with him on a trip for no compelling reason.
This is not your problem to solve, and getting involved further will only blow up in your face.
Apologize to your buddy so that both of you can get past this.
NTA he just doesn’t want to hear it
But it’s still very weird to suggest he takes her 14yo sister to another country
Free vacation for The sister before The breakup
NTA. she literally suggested he take her teenage sister to Japan instead of going to France where she always wanted to be proposed. thats not normal. you pointed out what was obvious and he got mad because deep down he knows youre probably right
NTA, I have the same conclusion as you.
Give him time, if he’s a good friend, and this is what happens, he’ll forgive you.
NTA. sometimes being a good friend means saying the uncomfortable thing. she cancelled the romantic Paris trip and sent him away with her 14 year old sister, those are not the actions of someone whos ready to get engaged. you didnt create the problem you just named it
NTA. she wants to go to Paris without him after 4 years of him knowing thats where she wanted to be proposed. she already checked out of the relationship and youre the only one willing to say it out loud. hes mad at you because accepting it means accepting its over
Am I the only one thinking she may be meeting someone else in person for the first time in France?
Also, NTA.
Nta but Sarah is for not communicating
YTA.
While you may not be wrong (though the prediction business is thankless) you’re certainly tactless…unless he explicitly asked for you to use your crystal ball.