I (24F) am getting married soon and I’ve been planning every detail of the day for a long time. I’ve always imagined it as a special, intimate event and after months of planning, I decided to have a no-kids policy for the wedding. One of my closest friends (26F) has a 3-year-old son and recently she asked if she could bring him. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but I told her I couldn’t make an exception, especially since the venue has a strict no-kids rule. It was hard for me to say it but I thought it was important to stick to my decision. She was really upset and now she’s saying I’m being unreasonable and that I don’t care about her or her son. I understand she wants to share the day with him but I just want the day to go the way I’ve dreamed of for years.I’m starting to feel really guilty and I hate that this is causing tension. AITA for not allowing her to bring her son?
This should be a non issue. You’ve booked the venue. It is strictly no kids. Sorry, no kids. Expecting someone to cater their wedding to your toddler makes you the asshole. Not wanting kids at your wedding has become an acceptable choice. Nta. Hopefully you’ve given plenty of notice tho so she has child care arranged
Your friend is the AH. If you make an exception for her, then you have to for everyone and it’s an adult party with no accommodations for kids. She should be more graceful and less manipulative.
NTA. A 3 year old will not care about being at a wedding. She should get a sitter or have family watch him, if that’s an option, and enjoy the wedding with you.
NTA and no need to feel guilty.
A lot of venues and people have the “no kids” rule and as long as you’re enforcing it on everyone, don’t let your friend guilt trip you.
EDIT: Congrats on your wedding!
NTA
Your friend doesn’t care about you.
Her 3 year old isn’t going to remember the day.
It’s not about her it’s about you and your partner getting married.
If sharing the day with her son is so important then she should RSVP no and spend the day with her son.
If the venue really does not allow children, this is non-negotiable. “I’m really sorry Friend. I love you and love your son, but this is strictly a no-children wedding at a no-children/no-exceptions venue. If you cannot attend, we understand and will miss you.”
NTA. I personally would use the venue’s rules as the scapegoat. Just double down and say some version of “I’m really sorry but the venue has a very strict no children allowed policy that I can’t break or they’ll cancel our reservation and we won’t get our deposit back.” Your wedding, your choice.
One of my huge pet peeves is when grown adults ask yes or no questions and then get upset with the answer.
“Can I bring my toddler to your wedding?”
“I’m sorry, no.”
The end.
NTA… she’s the A-hole for asking for an exception when it’s been clearly communicated no kids. Her child is 3 not a breastfeeding newborn (even if he was you still NTA). She needs to make arrangements for her son or she needs to stay home. You need to be ok and understand w/o judgement or tension if she does decide to stay home. This may be the 1st time he is not invited to an adults only event but it will not be the last. I say this as a single mom who sometimes wasn’t able to attend events bc I didn’t have childcare but I did send a gift with a card (when appropriate) but I always sent a text with well wishes & apologizing for not being there. I hope you have the wedding you are dreaming of & wish you a lifetime love & laughter!
Child free means just that. Friends who think rules don’t apply to them turn out not to be friends. NTA
NTA. It’s YOUR wedding. The day is not about her and her son or their relationship. Expecting to be able to share all important adult experiences with your toddler is…well, silly. Some things can be just for adults, and expecting those events to make exceptions for your child because you think you/your child are special is some main character energy.
It sounds like YOU aren’t making the rule, the venue is.
Just keep reinforcing that point.
I wouldn’t even argue this BS. Simply say, “If you can’t find a babysitter, we’ll miss you.”
NTA. 3 year olds are too little to understand they have to behave and be quiet. Your friend is being selfish.