(20F) am from Asia and came to the U.S. for college. Amy (20F) became my best friend here. We do a lot of things together, including eating meals together regularly on campus.
However, eating in the States hasn’t been very enjoyable for me. I grew up eating family-style meals with 3–4 shared dishes, so I’m used to a variety of flavors. The one-serving-per-person style here makes me get tired of my food very quickly. I suggested sharing food with Amy, but it almost never happens because she eats very limited types of food and has allergies. Even when she agrees to “share,” it’s more like trying a few bites rather than actually sharing the meal.
Recently, I’ve been eating almost every meal with my boyfriend. A big reason is that I can share everything with him with no restrictions, and try many new things. I enjoy it so much more. Amy understands that I eat with him a lot because we’re dating, but she still tries to set up times for us to eat together since it used to be our habit. I kept turning her down in polite ways until she finally confronted me and asked why.
I told her the truth: I only really enjoy food when there’s variety, and because of her picky eating and restrictions, we can’t share food, so we shouldn’t eat together. Amy took it well on the spot.
However, a mutual friend later told me that Amy was upset and said I was wrong for “ditching” Amy as a regular meal buddy. I was very defensive because my own preferences had been undermined for a long time. That friend still said I was an asshole for bluntly saying I wouldn’t eat someone because of their eating habits.
AITA?
More Info:
Amy and I see each other every day, doing homework and hanging out; therefore, I don’t consider eating meals important bonding time.
YTA. She’s not asking you to join her for every single meal. Just for one every now and then – not to enjoy the meal, but to enjoy each other‘s company.
YTA- it’s not about the food, it’s about hanging out
Wait? She must conform to your style of eating but you can not take her eating style?
YTA
She should have been the one to turn you down. She shouldn’t eat together because you feel entitled to eat anything on the table and your ‘friends’ must allow it or pay the price.
YTA simply for calling her a picky eater when you don’t want to eat with anyone unless they’re willing to share food. And trust me, not everyone else you meet will want to either. If that’s what your friendships are going to based on moving forward, you may find it limiting.
You’re not required to eat meals with Amy, but I’d find you much more frustrating to eat with given your insistence on sharing. I like family style and getting to sample different foods, but sometimes I want my plate and that’s it. You’re much more rigid and less accommodating as a friend than Amy, who is merely protecting herself from experiencing any allergic reactions.
YTA.. order more dishes for yourself and take home what you don’t eat. Sharing dishes, while might be ok for you, is not the norm for many. Especially with allergies. Don’t hang out for food. Do something else as friends.
YTA. You obviously have failed to understand it is you that has the picky eating habits.
YTA, so you basically only want to eat with her to enjoy the food and not her company at all? I get you want to enjoy your meals but sharing a meal is a social experience too, and rejecting meals with her is rejecting her company
The culture here is everyone gets their own dish. Sharing is great but not if the other person doesn’t want to. You’re being selfish and greedy to demand her food every time you eat together. If you want variety, buy yourself multiple dishes.
Question: why does wanting multiple varieties of food need to have anything to do with her? Can’t you just order whatever varieties of food YOU want to enjoy, and she can likewise order what she enjoys?
I think maybe you don’t realize you are also, in fact, being limited in your food choices, just in a different way, and neither of your preferences are actually conflicting with each other.
Honestly this just comes off as greedy to me… like, someone won’t give you THEIR food so you refuse to eat with them? Sure, trying new things is nice but you still have an entire plate of food to yourself. You get 3 meals a day, is it really so horrible to be stuck with one single dish? It’s not like you’re forced to eat something you don’t like, YOU get to choose your own food.
I understand there is some cultural difference, but considering that you are the one who chose to come somewhere new, it is more on you to adapt. As an American who has traveled to many countries and spent half a year living in India, the best way to maintain relationships and respect those around you is to do things more according to custom.
The fact that you won’t eat any meals with her at all just seems cold. Do you not miss her? This would certianly hurt my feelings if I was her and you suddently dropped off on haning out. International friendships are a lot more likely to last than romantic relationships y’know…
As others have said, part of a meal time is spending quality time with others… do you only eat with others so that you get more food choice? Don’t be such a glutton lol… you sound spoiled, not getting to eat as much food as you possibly can…
YTA
>I was very defensive because my own preferences had been undermined for a long time
*You* can still order and eat whatever you want. No one is ‘undermining’ your preferences.
Your friend is just ordering food *she* likes *for herself*.
Your whole attitude is “you wanting to eat your own food gets in the way of *me* eating your food, and I don’t like it.”
YTA but you might not know it. Is it difficult with you to sit with someone and not share their food? I mean, couldn’t you just eat with your boyfriend and include Amy while she ate her own food? If she’s your best friend, it doesn’t sound like it.
Why is the onus on Amy to conform to your preferences for mealtimes, while you make no effort to enjoy her company even if the food isn’t your very favorite? If you insist on sharing food, then yeah, you’re gonna have to conform to somebody’s dietary restrictions. I’m not sure why that would come as a surprise to you.
YTA. You could’ve achieved the same result by just suggesting non-food hangouts with Amy, rather than bluntly telling her “eating with you isn’t fun.”
Edit to add: also, when you’re in another country, sometimes you do end up eating in a way you don’t 100% prefer. I hate strong cheese and get antsy if a meal takes too long, but when I lived in France sometimes I had to suck it up because it’s their culture to sit at the table and slowly digest while enjoying one another’s company. Food for thought.
Refusing to have a meal with someone because they have dietary restrictions and allergies is shitty because you *have* to share food. You don’t *have* to share food, you prefer to. Big difference.
She’s not being “picky” she’s trying to eat meals which won’t harm her. You don’t sound like a pleasant person to be around let alone eat with. YTA.
YTA I’m also from Asia and you’re a massive asshole like if you seriously can’t go one meal occasionally without getting to try / share multiple dishes then you have a serious problem. Also if you have no dietary restrictions but are so adamant about sharing why don’t you get multiple dishes that she can eat and share those? You call her your best friend but it seems like she’s just someone convenient for you until you find a better option.