So I (23M) have been going through a rough time lately. Money issues, job stuff, life just beating me up a little. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but honestly I’m exhausted.
One of my closest friends keeps calling and texting me nonstop about every problem they have. I’m talking every day, multiple times a day. Relationship drama, work drama, “I’m bored,” “I’m lonely" And I always try to be there, because I’m usually the “strong friend"
The other night they called me at like 1am crying about something their coworker said, and I was literally half-sleep, stressed, and trying to figure out how I’m even paying bills. I finally told him “I love you but I’m drained. I can’t carry everybody’s stuff right now. I’m barely holding myself together” He got quiet, said “Wow… okay,” and hung up.
Now they’re telling mutual friends that I “abandoned them” and “switched up”
I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t yelling I was just honest for once. Now I’m wondering if I should’ve just shut up and kept listening, but at the same time… who supports the strong friend when they need help?
So AITA for telling my friend I can’t emotionally support them right now while I’m struggling myself?
NTA. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
NTA. You can’t pour from an empty cup and some friends can’t see outside themselves long enough to see you as your own person. Listen, you advocated for yourself which is important. You did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to respect you and your boundaries and probably invest in therapy. At least therapists get paid, you don’t owe anyone your emotional labor.
I try to make time for myself but it always fall last to something “more important”
Oh boy do I get it. Find a few small self care practices you can start with to get into a routine. It’s hard but make it a priority every day.
NTA. I was you for a long time. Then my brother died and I needed support from my friends. They ditched me because I was no longer THEIR support person. It was truly awful, and made for a very lonely college experience. It’s fine to tell other people that you have needs too, and fine to have those needs. They just wanted to continue using you.
NTA. You did the right thing man. It’s the good way to find out who is your true friend and who just parasite
NTA. Your friend was seriously overstepping.
I hope life will be more kind to you soon. Hang in there. Don’t feel guilty about choosing to spend time on activities and people thar give you energy instead of taking it away.
Dude, your words alone shows you’re mature beyond your age. You did nothing wrong
NTA It sounds like you have been a friend to them, but they have not been a friend to you. This may be a relationship to step back from a bit.
NTA. You do not need self centered people like that in your life. All they do is take and take and make everything about them. If they were a real friend, they would have stopped when you said that and asked how they could help you. Sometimes we all need help or a shoulder to lean on.
You dodged a bullet with this friend. Some people need to be the perpetual victim and they NEVER grow out of it. It is so draining being around someone who would rather complain than try to fix something
NTA – but being the “strong friend” is hard because people often don’t think to ask how we are doing. We’ve always been there for them so they think we’ll always be there for them. And sometimes we just need to be alone. Or lean on them for a change. And That’s Not Bad. Everyone needs help sometimes. Everyone deserves to be able to talk about their own stuff, and have someone listen and support them.
NTA. You respectfully drew a boundary when they called you at a disrespectful hour…
NTA but why is your phone not on do not disturb when you are trying to sleep? Take care of yourself and your sleep.