This is gonna be a long read, but bear with me please, thank you in advance!
Me, 19 F and my best friend, 19 F (we’re gonna call her G) met in sophomore year in high school, G and i are quite different regarding personality, but that’s why we got along, at one point i like to think we were complementing opposites, were i was too shy to speak up, she helped me and when she needed me, i was there. G uses drugs, she started smoking at 12 and from then on it went downhill, when i met her she used cocaine, lsd and so on, she struggles with self hurting and even tried to off herself inside the school grounds, her father walked out when she was little, her relationship with her mom is awful, her mother isn’t so terrible, but she critiques G at any opportunity, her weight, her hair, her face, everything, G’s mother went so far as to encourage G’s self hurting tendencies.
Me on the other hand, never went through nothing like that, my relationship with my mom is great, i never went near a cigarette, even with obviously different lives, i never judged G, i listened when she cried, was there when she relapsed with her self hurting, like i said, if she needed me, i was there, i’d scold her when she did something reckless, like a good friend would i think.
G used to do this back and forth of trying to stay clean for the longest possible before disappearing for who knows how long, sometimes she stayed clean for a week, sometimes a month. She managed to stay off drugs for almost two years, then out of the blue, she just told me to leave her alone and again she vanished.
Those back and forths hurt me, because i always did my best and it seemd like it was never enough, (i’m aware that support alone doesn’t magically cure one’s addiction and people struggling with substance abuse don’t always behave this way, i’m just describing my own feelings and G’s actions) but i always forgave her and i felt awful for staying upset about all G did.
I spent the majority of 2025 without hearing from her when in new years, she came over to talk like nothing happened, she said she was 3 months pregnant and with an STD, she came with all the same talk, she’d never do drugs again, she was sorry and so on, but this time i tried to believe fully this time, because G said she wanted to do the right thing for her baby and even asked me to be the god mother, which i accepted, because i wanted to be there for her.
Exactly a week later, G called me saying she used drugs again and that was the last straw for me, i scolded her, i told her if she didn’t want to get better for herself at least try for the kid you claimed you wanted so bad (i’m 100% a pro-choice person, but if she chose to KEEP that child she could’ve done better) and that conversation ended with her calling me a judgemental bitch and again telling me to piss off her life, i’ll keep my distance for good this time, but i still feel guilty, maybe i should’ve been kinder, but i also don’t regret what i said.
was i the asshole?
NTA. You can’t help an addict till they choose to help themselves.
NTA If she wants to keep the kid she needs to get and stay clean. Babies get removed all the time for drugs. CPS is usually become involve in babies that are born addicted to drugs. Some people can do it and stay clean others never find the strength to stay clean. It does sound like it’s time for you to cut your losses. For your friends sack I hope she finds the strength to make a change in her life.
NTA, she doesn’t need to be a mother and that baby could get her STD if she isn’t careful. The baby could come out addicted to whatever she is one while pregnant. I know for a fact this could happen because my sister was doing drugs while pregnant and my nephew came out hooked on drugs and had to stay in the hospital for a while so they could treat him
Definitely NTA
omg girl that’s not just being a “different” friend, that’s someone who needs serious help. you can be supportive without enabling self-destructive behavior.
NTA. Forgiving her in your heart, and letting her continue to abuse yoru relationship are two different things. You can forgive someone and still cut ties with them.
You’re 19. You’re not her therapist, sponsor, or rehab center. It’s okay to care about her and still say, I can’t keep doing this.
NTA. She needs people in her life who will be honest with her about her shitty life choices. But if she doesn’t want to hear that you’re not required to stick it out.
NTA. You can continue to love G from a distance. Anytime you get a chance encourage her to get help for her and the baby’s sake. You have been there for her. Try to let go of the guilt. Seek counseling for yourself. The help she needs is way over your head. She needs intensive professional help.
NTA. She wants to ruin her own life, so be it, but she is an AH for screwing this baby for life. Please call child protective services and file a report. Hopefully they will take action to protect the unborn child. You should not feel guilty… she needed to hear the blunt truth. Please check out Nar-anon… it is a support group for friends and family of addicts. I think they will tell you that you did the right thing as well.
NTA. And yes, her mother IS awful
Look into Alanon. It helps people who have addicts in their lives understand the grip that addiction has, and how to help, where to draw firm boundaries, and how not to enable the addiction. You have probably lost this person to addiction, but if possible, please stay in touch until the baby is born. If she’s still using, call CPS. Giving that baby a fair shot at life is more important than staying friends with her once the baby is here.