I am a person that dresses in alternative styles: glamorous, I like sparkles, colors, romantic goth, lolita etc. My friend wears trendy clothes. She has the tendency to make comments about my style: that I am wearing a granny dress, that she cannot take me seriously because of my eyebrows, that she thought that my makeup was an accident, that she doesn’t like how my hair looks. I never asked for her opinion on anything that she commented on yet she keeps on making comments about how I put myself together. Thing is I have never made a comment about how she dresses. I understand that People have different styles and even tho I wouldn’t dress like her because it’s not my style, I would never judge her. Quite the opposite, I always hype her up and encourage her.
Also, I understand that even tho that’s her opinion, I would never make comments about her that way because I know it would hurt her. I communicated to her that her comments are bothering me. Her response was that she is just stating her opinion and that I have every right to ignore her. When I told her that I understand that, but Still I do not thing it’s ok for her to do that, she told me that it’s just her personality and that I am sensitive.
The problem is the fact my style isnt the only thing she comments on. She makes comments about my hobbies, what decisions I make in life. Again, I never make comments about her decisions in life. For example, she made many comments about how much clothes I buy and that it’s stupid. Fashion is my passion and I have The money for it. If she asks for me opinion, I Will nicely say what I think about the situation. I believe she is not treating me with The same patience and respect I am treating her.
Also, she made comments about how I look when I was feeling very insecure and just starting to experiment with my style. Now I am confident with myself, but Still I dont thing it’s okay for her to make those comments about me.
Another thing is the fact that I have had many friends in The past that had made fun of me. I was always the butt of The joke (I was told that I dress like a homeless person, that I act like I am handicapped etc.) and I don’t want to have friendships like that ever again. Please be honest and dont be afraid to tell me that I am an AH.
NTA. Friends dont repeatedly tear you down and call it personality
NTA
Doesn’t sound like a friend to me
NTA this person is not a friend
NTA. Your friend absolutely is. There’s a big difference between giving your opinion and just being mean and she just sounds like a mean girl
There is a saying, “When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.” You have stated something that bothers you, and her responses are to put you on the defensive. I would never say drop a friend, but maybe limit your exposure to this person because they are not going to change. NTA.
NTA but you need a new friend. This one sucks.
NTA
She’s not a friend. Friends don’t act like that
NTA – This seems like more of a boundary/respect issue than anything else, it sounds like she doesnt respect you at all especially if you’ve communicated that you do not want the comments about your appearance. You can set any boundaries you want in any relationships you have
I would suggest you think about if this friendship is something you want going forward. Do you want someone that ignores things that bother and make you feel bad? Do you want a friend that doesnt care if you’re uncomfortable? It sounds like shes deflecting and may not see things outside of the echo chamber in her head
You both have very popular, trendy, everyone-does-it styles, just in different ways. I’m not sure why this person is your friend.
Info
Are you are aware this person doesn’t really like you and isn’t your friend?
It’s ok to get rid of people who make your life worse
NTA! Also she’s not your friend. Friends don’t do that
NTA – this is negging. It’s a form of emotional abuse.
It’s common in unhealthy romantic relationships but it can happen in friendships too.
NTA
are you sure that person is your friend? Doesn’t sound like it.
NTA. She is not your friend, and sounds very insecure.