Throwaway cause they know my main. For context, my main group of friends and I game in Discord regularly for quality time, since over the years we’ve scattered due to work, family, etc. We have our 2 week phase of survival craft every few months or so. I enjoy these periods, as does my husband who joins in.
The most recent phase was PZ, and only half the group joined, which I get. PZ isn’t for everyone. IYKYK However, P, who does enjoy it declined this time, opting instead to play Tekken. The only issue with this is that he can’t enjoy it without beer, and because he’s an alcoholic, his filter goes out the window and he gets argumentative and mean, to the point where he will pick a fight with someone who isn’t even talking. There’s been many interventions, but he’s an adult.
I digress. I asked him why he wasn’t joining and he snapped at me to mind my business. It was clear he had been drinking, so I said bye and left the call. Later, one of the other guys, J, messaged me saying P BLEW UP after I left, saying he didn’t want to play because I’m an asshole in games, I gatekeep info, horde resources from the group, refuse to help anyone, and that I get 10x worse when my husband joins. Which just…confused me? I showed my husband the message, who was also confused, because as far as we’re both aware, I’m the one going out to help mark resources and pin my map in the chat, scope out areas, google things that someone doesn’t understand, etc. I go out of my way to help to my own detriment, but I love these games, and I want people to have a good time playing them. The only times that I could think that I was "gatekeeping" was when spoilers were involved, and I ask beforehand, cause some of them don’t care.
A few days after that message, I joined the call with J, and asked his opinion. Apparently it boiled down to P feeling like he wasn’t experiencing as much of the game as I do, that every time he goes to my base in whichever game it’s so much more organized, and that their area shouldn’t be a mess like it is, which J agreed with. J even joked that I must be rushing progress since I have a nicer area, which doesn’t make sense to me, especially in the context of PZ. I’m usually the LAST one to make progress cause I’m helping everyone else build up first. But, like…they’re capable of organizing their own stuff. P joined, J asked him what he thought, and both P and J jump on me about why I’m suddenly being an ass, in which I told them I’m not their mom, I’m not gonna clean their rooms for them, and if they want their shit organized, they can do it themselves. I don’t exist for them to capitalize off of my time while they sit around and play on their phones until something needs killing. And, if I’m such as ass, I just won’t play those games with them anymore. Problem solved. More yelling. More people started filtering in and agreeing with them, and it became clear to me that I’m the only one here who doesn’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA?