To provide some context, I (18M) got into a fight today with my girl best friend (19F). Basically, last week we attended a debate competition on the Model United Nations format(I’m not going to explain how such a competition works, cuz it would take too long, but basically its multiple committees where international issues are discussed and everyone reoresents a country in the discussion), I attended as a chairperson( a sort if debate moderator), and my gbf and her ex attended as delegates.
Now, I have to mention that my gbf had a very rough breakup with her ex and is very sensitive when it comes to talking about him. At the end of the conference, her ex won first prize in the ECOFIN committee at that conference (which is usually her favorite committee but she attended the committee i chaired). She was really bothered by that and kept complaining that the committee must have been extremely weak if her ex managed to win first prize. And usually I don’t mind listening to her talk about her ex, since it is a rather sensitive subject and I understand that she needs to vent sometimes. At the same time I find it rather annoying that she keeps complaining the guy won an award by his own merit.
Last night she started complaining again about him winning the award, and i told her to stop obsesing over it and that it was starting ti becone kinda pathetic that she couldnt let it go when it had nothing to do with her.
She hung up and now she wont answer any of my calls. I know i couldve worded it better and I know it might’ve been harsh from me and i regret that i made her upset, but at the same time i dont think its ok for her to obsess over this fact. AITA?
NTA
Perhaps you could have phrased it better but this is the sort of thing real friends do because that sort of obsession isn’t healthy, especially over something like this. I’d go as far as to suggest she’s not over him yet.
She is over him, like she hates him with a passion, and i wouldnt say obsessed. But she did complain about a few times before and i just find it redundant and petty.
She’s expending way too much energy thinking about this dude to actually be over him.
She might be over the romantic feelings, but she’s clearly not over the breakup or whatever. When you’re actually over someone you couldnt care fucking less what’s going on in their lives.
Nah. Fine line between former love and hate. She is not over him.
Your complaint was fair, but it sounds like you were a bit YTA in raising it. Calling loved ones “pathetic” rarely goes well.
I may not be popular here but NTA. I am much older than you but I am the same. You can complain about your ex and what they did wrong to you, but making everything they ever do a problem and twisting it until it’s negative is super childish.
Also a useful reminder to her: she was with him because she liked him and probably thought him smart, so no surprise he is at times. Otherwise it would mean she is the one not that smart to have wasted time on him.
It’s the kind of thing she’ll be mad about now but thank you for later. You didn’t insult her, you just snapped because she’s been chewing the same bone for days
NTA I get it. She wouldn’t stop and you snapped. I did that once with a friend in college who was obsessing like that over something incredibly stupid and innocuous that someone else said, and I snapped and shouted “Just let it go!” in the middle of campus.
NTA – She seems hung up on her ex still pretty heavily if she’s that bothered by it. That’s probably the big factor. Although it’s her favorite committee, and I can understand that being another knife in the chest, gotta let it go and move on.
This is why Reddit needs age restrictions.
NTA
Forget about this girl completely.
If a ‘friend’ is going to bring nothing but drama remove them as a freind.
She can vent about her ex to her girlfriends.
Believe me, I know how frustrating it is to listen to people complain relentlessly about their exes. It is not interesting or fun and they never take advice, so it’s impossible to stop the behavior.
That said, YTA because your words were too harsh.
I would send her a text. Say you’re sorry for being so harsh and upsetting her. It’s hard to see her in such a bad place and to feel like you can’t help. Say you’ll give her space for a week or two and then reach out again to check in. She can contact you at any time if she wants to talk.
Then step back and give her space to calm down.
I hope she will come around eventually. When she does, apologize again, but ALSO say you don’t like her ex, you don’t like how he has made her feel, and you wish you guys could set aside some time to not think/talk about him. That will be good for both of you and especially her. The more she can replace the bad thoughts about him with new thoughts about new experiences (you guys should go out and do something fun, like go and see Christmas lights somewhere or go ice skating), the faster she’ll get over him.
NTA
It is kind of pathetic to be upset by someone else doing good, especially when she wasn’t even competing against him. A good friend tells their friend when they are making a fool out of themselves, and that’s what you did.
But also, you’re a moderator who moderated for her, and she’s going off about how the moderation at that event was incompetent/biased/dumb. She’s insulting you too. (if you call her on that be ready to get told you’re ‘one of the good ones’)
NTA. She sounds…. tiring…