We moved in together last month. She likes to cook and is good at it, so our original agreement was she would cook and I would do the dishes. That’s fair.
Except that every single time I did the dishes she would pretty much “check” on my work, like following behind me after I started the load. And sometimes she would unload it and re load it the way she thought it was appropriate. And whenever I was hand washing she always insisted in being there and inspecting everything that wasn’t up to her standard.
So I finally had enough and told her that I won’t be doing dishes anymore if that’s how things will go. Or I can cook for myself and do my own dishes that she won’t get to touch (she can have her separate dishes). She said she was just trying to be helpful and that I was rude and sort of an AH for what I said and the way I said it.
I check my husbands but that’s because he dose a terrible job but if you’re not leaving them dirty then she shouldn’t need to check
YTA, do you really think she WANTS to be double checking it?
Its because you’re doing a shit job potentially, my ex was the exact same way. She couldn’t wash dishes for shit, and I ended up having to take dishes OUT of the dishwasher to scrub them and rewash them. It was a fucking pain in the ass.
If you do them right the first time, she won’t hound you. This is something you learn growing up around your parents.
edit: and yes, I’m assuming this because its far more likely than her just wanting to stand around doing all of this extra work if they are always fine.
Don’t give her a reason to double check. Do it right the first time.
No information indicates he wasnt. You’re giving her the benefit of the doubt for some reason but not him
People tend not to want to create extra work for themselves
Info – How are you loading the dishwasher that she is reloading? Some things are just preference and some are incompetence.
When she decides the hand washed dishes aren’t clean enough, is she right?
Yeah this is my thought. I have a particular way of stacking hand washed dishes so the heavy glass ones are in the bottom and can’t slip & get chipped. My partner stacks them in a way that is safe-ish but makes my brain itch. Sometimes there’s things that just aren’t clean (still oily or have stuck bits). So I just re-scrub anything that isn’t clean, and I don’t watch them do dishes so I’m not tempted to micro-manage the stacking.
And just TALK to her. “I’ve noticed you re-load the dishwasher after me, why do you do that?” She might have a valid reason. My SO and I load the dishwasher the same way for optimal usage of the space, while ensuring the dishes get clean. Ask her to show you the way she prefers it loaded, just do it the same way. It seems like an overreaction flat out refusing to do the dishes without just working on the problem together. You both need to talk to each other (saying this because she could also have spoken up as to why she is redoing your work).
Yes, but if people actually *talked* to their nearest and dearest, this sub wouldn’t exist!
Unless she is controlling in other ways, it’s likely you aren’t getting the dishes clean. Make sure the dishes are actually clean and after doing a good job cleaning for a couple weeks, odds are good she’ll stop feeling the need to “Check your work”.
INFO
Is she controlling in other ways?
Or are you not getting the dishes clean?
Info: are the dishes actually getting clean (squeaky clean? All surfaces? Inside and outside? All edges? No crusty bits or oily spots anywhere?) when you wash them?
INFO: is she double checking because you have a history of subpar cleaning? That can be incredibly unhygienic..
Some of these replies remind me that you can’t eat at everyone’s house and never attend potlucks 🙃