So I don’t really know how to start this. I’ve never posted here before and honestly I’m still not sure I should be.
I lost my son four years ago. He was 17. Car accident. I’m not going to get into it more than that because I still can’t really talk about it without falling apart and I’d like to actually get through this post.
Before he passed I’d been putting money away for his college since he was like 2. After he died I didn’t know what to do with it. Felt wrong to just let it sit there. Eventually I set up a scholarship at his school. Every year it covers tuition for one kid. It’s the only thing that’s helped me feel like any of this meant something.
My mom was supportive of it at first. That was before she remarried.
Her husband has a grandson, Tyler, 19. Nice enough kid from what I can tell, not his fault at all. But within like six months of the wedding my mom started bringing him up. Could I help him out, just a loan, he’s family now.
I let it go a few times. Then at Thanksgiving she pulled me aside and said “Caleb would have wanted you to help people. Tyler needs this more than a stranger does.”
I left. Just got up and walked out.
A week later I told her if she ever uses Caleb’s name to pressure me for money again I’m done. She cried. Told my sister I threatened her. My sister thinks I overreacted and that mom didn’t mean anything by it.
It’s been two months. Part of me wonders if I was too harsh with what I said, not about the boundary itself but about how I delivered it.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m still just angry.
AITA?
NTA. That money is not free money for her husband’s grandkid. It’s a memorial to your son, and you’re doing a lovely thing with it. (I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope your son’s memory is a blessing despite the pain.)
One million percent this. This memorial scholarship in your son’s name is helping MANY kids, not just your mother’s husband’s grandson.
Hold firm. You didn’t bully or threaten your mom.
First, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through and I wish I could do anything to help.
Second, NTA. Yes, your mom did mean something by it. She meant for you to do something that SHE wants you to do, not the thing that gave you peace. No one needs it “more” or less. People just need it.
you weren’t too harsh. she weaponized your dead son’s name to get money for a kid she barely knows and thats fucked up. the delivery wasnt the problem.. the fact that she pushed you there was. caleb’s legacy isnt a piggy bank for her new family. protect that scholarship and protect your peace
**(NTA)**