This story is from December but it’s still bothering me so gonna ask.
My family have this little tradition (I believe since 2019) where we make calendar that includes our photos. Cause I’m the one who usually do the photos on family events, holidays etc I always was the one who set this up. I always made sure that on someone’s birthday month there was photo of them, that there was a group photos and everyone was equally included on photos (which wasn’t the easiest job cause my father is working abroad and my sister for few years was living abroad too so we didn’t had much occasion to actually to photos together over the year).
In September i moved out from my family home. So when end of November came my mom decided to do the calendar by herself (I was literally coming back home few days later which she knew about). She texted me about some photos and I send her whole bunch of it.
When December came and I get back home for Christmas I noticed that calendar was already there so I decided to check it out. What it turned out is that everyone still had their birthday month but not me and also in all 12 months there was only one photo of me which wasn’t even a fully photo – just photo of me and my mom where my face is halfway cropped. Literally my dog is on more photos than I am.
When I told her its kind of mean she said I’m dramatizing and it’s not a big deal (she literally make big deal out of that calendar every year). To add to that I came out as non binary a year ago and since that I feel like I’m getting slowly excluded from family, especially since I moved out and this kind of made me feel like I’m not welcome home anymore.
NTA. cease on being the family photographer and stop the thoughtful calendars for others/the family.
Also don’t give pictures. Or even make your own calendar and use the pictures you take..exclude Mom…
NTA She did exclude you and her minimizing your feelings about doesn’t make the issue go away.
NTA. I make these every year and I literally count how many times people are in so no one feels shorted. I doubt your mom did it on purpose, but your feelings are valid.
Make the calender next year and put her in EXACTLY as many photos as you are in this year’s
You’re NTA.
That smells pretty deliberate on her part, especially since she dealt the *you’re dramatizing, it’s not a big deal* card instead of taking a closer look at the calendar and saying *oh, shit! I’m sorry!* and maybe re-doing at least a couple pages.
NTA There is no point trying to assume her reasoning when she told you it wasnt on purpose, it will only cause more stress thinking on it. It may hurt and will be hard but start looking for connections outside of your family and stop putting in the effort you’ve gotten used to with your family. It seems like a good time to focus on yourself now that you’ve moved out. You can always try and build back that relationship with your family but it will constantly cause you stress if you agonize over why things changed. If you’re not already in therapy you should definitely look into it.
Nta. I felt excluded and it’s not even my family. And then she tried to minimized how your feelings? Nope.
NTA – I’m sorry that you were not treated the same way as everyone else. I would be hurt too. At first when i started reading this I thought it might be like my friend’s story of being in charge of her huge family calendar. At first it was the parents and ten kids, then it went to kids and spouses, then the grandkids etc.. She finally resigned after someone had her replace all of the pictures for her family because she didn’t like her family’s photos. You were not rude and it sounds like you were justified in your feelings.
NTA. As a parent if it was an accident she would have apologized. At least after the initial reaction.
I’m sorry. But remember family can also be those you chose
NTA, you should be ready to cut them off. Your mum did a disgusting thing.
NTA, I agree with another comment here — if it was REALLY an accident, she would’ve been like “oh shit really” and like looked again through them and been like “damn you’re right, sorry” or something that showed she was surprised then apologetic — what she did doesn’t give the same “this was a mistake” vibe
NTA. I would tell her more. This is how she made you feel. Is there any truth to this? Otherwise, you will give her an extra wide berth.
I am really sorry, OP. I don’t know what gets into mothers. They want to control everything, but they really need to just be loving. I hope she shows you she made a mistake. 🩷
Aw, I’m so sorry that happened. That sucks. It sounds like you really try to include everyone when you do the calendar. And that level of exclusion does not feel accidental. The most blatant problem I see is how she blew off your feels when you tried to talk to her.
I feel like talking to a therapist is the best move. You need some tools for how to deal with this situation. I’m the type of person to have confrontational conversations as needed. But if she and your family are really slowly excluding you on a larger scale, I hope you can talk to a good therapist first so you can get some ideas on how to process this in a way that will help healthy and nurturing for You. Wishing you the best.