I (19F) am the oldest child of my parents. My sister, (17F) is my baby sister and means the world to me. My upbringing was always pretty rocky, as my parents fought a lot and my dad got drunk multiple times a day and would take it out on my mother. My dad’s addiction got worse, and he eventually was broke and my mom saw no reason to stay with him, which ended with them getting divorced in April 2025.
As we were selling our old house, my sister collapsed after being sick and was rushed to the hospital. She was 16 when she was diagnosed with diabetes after being healthy her whole life, and it took a major toll on her mental health. My mom moved into an apartment with my sister after the divorce was official and I was hoping things would get better. Yet, my sister kept calling me saying that my mom started going out more and more during the night to party and meet with men and was acting odd.
My sister was insanely sick with the flu the other day, the exact illness that sent her to the hospital when she was first diagnosed. My mom was gone all day on a hike and only came back for a hour to check on my sister before going out to party again. When my sister told me this, I was angry and called my mom asking why she was out. Immediately she got hostile and told me to drop it, but I persisted, asking her why she didn’t think to stay in the house just in case my sisters numbers dropped while she was sleeping. She hung up on me after that. I texted her after saying that ever since the divorce, she’s been acting like a teenager and I’m sick of it.
I stopped answering after that and apparently she came home and yelled at my sister for telling me anything and getting me mad. From what my sister says, she’s also sick now and is still fuming. I haven’t texted her back to apologize, and though my sister and friends say I’m right, I feel guilty and stressed. I’m not there everyday, like she says, and she’s an adult and allowed to go out however she likes. But I just feel like she’s completely changed from the woman I knew, and it’s very upsetting. Am I wrong for calling her and calling her a teenager for this?
NTA, this is abuse and negligence. I hope you can both get out soon.
Thank you— I hope so too
I would second this. And your mom saying that you can’t tell her what to do cause she’s an adult? That’s the most immature thing to say! Real adults parent their kids! (And a sick 17 year old? Still a kid!) If you weren’t so young yourself, I’d suggest that you try for custody.
NTA.
INFO does your sister not have a monitor for her diabetes? I have a family member who lives alone with type 1, he has a monitor connected to his phone with an alarm so if he did go low when he was sleeping the alarm would wake him up.
Your sister was only diagnosed a year ago, has your mom done any research into tools and support for her as she learns how to manage it?
She does have a alert on everyone’s phone— but my sister sleeps hard and tends to sleep through the alarm, especially if she has a seizure and she’s sick. If my mom is even just five minutes away, that’s a five minute drive that’s wasting time while she’s seizing, you know? So I just get stressed when she’s not doing good with her numbers
NTA – things like the flu are one of the biggest risk factors for DKA in diabetics that are managing themselves well.
Do you know if she has ketone test strips? They’re urine tests available near the pharmacy.
Do you know if your sister has a CGM? If she had a Dexcom there is a share/follow option if she’s comfortable with it you could get alerts is she goes low. If she does share that with you make sure you don’t use it to make her life more stressful.
She does have all these things luckily and I’m on it, but there’s only so much you can do when she crashes and I’m far away and my mom just…doesn’t pick up :/
That’s rough. Dealing with a low by yourself can be really scary especially if it comes on fast. If your sister is going low often, or severely, she should message her doctor. Unfortunately it seems like making sure she knows how to take over her own care is going to be even more important.
She has her good days and bad days and we’ve had a lot of close calls during the summer when I visited since her body is still adjusting. Her doctors are aware and she’s usually on top of it, but it’s harder when she’s so sick
Good for her staying on top of it. It’s a lot to deal with.
If she’s dropping low while sick her doctors probably need to reevaluate her sick day protocols. For most of us sick day protocols mean more insulin to deal with the increased resistance, her’s may be too aggressive.
Where are you in all of this? Do you have your own place? Could sister stay with you?
Nta sounds like your mom is doing drugs
You need to hear this part. YOU ARE NOT AN ASSHOLE. NTA, 1000 times NTA. Diabetes is not something to play with. I’m guessing type 1 if she’s collapsing like this, which is the total shut down of an organ. Her blood sugar is going to spike and dip this whole time she’s sick. Especially because she’s new to the condition.
I’ve almost lost my big sister to the same and it’s a lot to handle. Especially for your sister, be sure to check in with her on occasion, because it can take some tolls on mental health too.
If you can get her out of that situation it’s time to do so. It sounds like you don’t live together. Do you per-chance have a place of your own? Could you safely host her until she’s over this flu? Because it sounds like your mother sure as hell isn’t going to do her part.
Get your sister to record times and dates that your mother ditches her like that. See if she can’t get out of that situation. The random leaving to go party is odd, maybe it’s your mother believing she’s tasting freedom for the first time, maybe it’s drug related. (The more cynical part of me leans towards the latter.) but right now, your sister’s condition is the main concern. Get her somewhere she can be looked after.
NTA “She’s an adult and can go out whenever she wants” but she’s a mother first and needs to not neglect her child. It would be one thing if your sister didn’t have the flu but she’s actively sick. How would your mom feel if she went out partying and came home to find her in a diabetic coma or worse? She also shouldn’t be blaming your sister for anything, HER actions made you mad, not your sister. As family you’re supposed to look out for and care for each other but she seems to have lost sight of that and be more worried about herself and getting drunk.
I was definitely very upset she blamed my sister. She’s already sick and struggling with her numbers and simply confided in me— she didn’t need to get yelled at for my reaction to a situation