I (18F) My mom(33F) her name is Robin,is very narcissistic and self centered and loves to say she’s the only thing holding this family together. Lately it feels like she’s the reason we’re always tense around each other.
Last Sunday she had us over to celebrate my sister’s new job. I worked all day and grabbed a cake on the way. The second I walked in, Robin looked at it and said, “Oh. Store-bought. That’s fine.” In that tone that means it’s not fine.
My sister immediately said she doesn’t even like that kind. My brother laughed and said, “You never think.” It felt like I walked into something already decided about me.
Dinner started okay, then Robin started talking about how much she sacrificed for us and how no one appreciates her. My sister made a comment about how she chose to have kids. Robin zeroed in on me and said I’ve been “different” since I moved out. That I act like I’m better than them.
That honestly hurt. I just moved out for college. I still come over regularly. But because I don’t call every day, I’m “distant.”
My brother piled on and said I only show up when there’s food. My dad said nothing. Robin started crying and saying she must’ve failed as a mother.
I snapped. I said, “Maybe the reason none of us like being around each other is because you’re always comparing us and repeating what we say about each other.” She does. She’ll tell me my sister thinks I’m selfish, then tell my sister I think she’s irresponsible. Then act surprised when we fight.
Everything went quiet. My dad told me that was disrespectful. My sister said I was cruel for saying that while Robin was crying. My brother told me to leave if I’m so unhappy.
So I left.
Now the group chat is full of messages about “family shouldn’t attack each other.” I’m being told I owe Robin an apology for humiliating her.
I know I said it to hurt her. But I also don’t think I’m wrong.
AITA?
NTA, the fact that you bought a cake for your sister, you didn’t have to do that, and their first response was to complain tells enough. Narcissistic parents act like the victim and blame others for their mistakes. Definitely NTA. I would suggest distancing yourself, better to avoid family than to get caught up in awkward situations that would take a toll on your mental health.
You have to ask yourself one simple question. What is this going to cost you? You’ve already spoken the truth. No one is backing you. So, apologize and always feel that dread or say screw it and distance yourself and work on you. You call your mom Robin, you already have started to separate the mother daughter relationship.
Be brave, be strong, and screw her. You got this kid!
Info: you’re 18, mom is 33, and sister got a promotion. How old was mom when each kid was born???
NTA but the age of your mom when she had you could be fairly important to the whole drama. Mom was 15 when she had you. “She chose to have kids” at 15? She didn’t really have much of a chance to “live her life” in current society and just became a mom right away. This can honestly lead to some behavioral issues. Not throwing stones at your mom because it is what it is and things happen.
Yeah I wanted to ask but I didn’t want to be the asshole. If she had a kid at 15 she’s probably socially, emotionally, and educationally stunted, and doesn’t know how to act like an adult because she’s been too busy parenting. She’s still the asshole, but she should have been in therapy long ago
So your mother was 14/15 when she had you? And is your sister and brother older than you?