So, my mom has been redoing all the upholstery in the house in some sort of fit of Christmas anxiety. She became convinced that all our furniture is too old and people think we are gross, so she wants the furniture done before anyone comes over for holiday visits.
Complication: be have a cat. named Buddy. And he scratches EVERYTHING! We’ve had him for like a decade and he’s always been that way… He contributed quite a bit to the wear and tear of the last furniture too over the course of the last 10 years.
My mother decided to use a fabric that is a very "loose weave" you night say, easy to get hooked on, and my cat has already put a scratch in one of her pieces of furniture.
She is LIVID. Yelling at the cat. Stomping around. Telling us we should’ve stopped it. But hey. He scratches stuff!! She knew that!! I kinda maybe said something when I shouldn’t have because she was yelling at both me and the cat about how it was obvious this was gonna happen and now she’s even more upset because I made her feel stupid. My brother wants me to just say sorry!.
AITA?
Did you realize that this was going to be a problem prior to her putting in all that work? If you knew and said nothing, hell yess Y.TA – I hate it when people go ‘I knew that was going to happen’ but said nothing. If not, bad timing but ultimately NTA. Offer to help re-reapolster if you can. Going to get torn either way, but at least tighter-weave takes longer to acquire ‘character'(what we call it in our house).
I did actually mention it earlier, but she was already committed to her mission and didn’t seem like she wanted to hear it so my family told me to just leave it.. (I said the same thing about character too lol)
NTA And really, was there a “good” time to point it out? It is the reality. She shouldn’t be yelling at the poor cat for predicable behavior that is normal for it, or making everyone else’s day awful because she didn’t think ahead and can’t accept the consequences of her own decisions.
She needs to regulate her emotions. The solution isn’t to tip-toe quietly around while hoping the cat doesn’t set her off by acting like it does on any other day. She needs to realize that her behavior is abusive to everyone else in the house and isn’t appropriate, rational, or fair.
It sounds like there has been a decade of no consistent training for the cat. The whole family needs to be involved if they want to stop the behavior.
Fair enough. But that needs to be factored in from the start in regard to the upholstery material choice, and expectations surrounding the furniture and the cat. They can’t expect the cat to change its behavior on a dime, or for the new furniture to be invulnerable without the cat being kept away or them keeping it under constant surveillance.
If the cat was going to be around the furniture, and people were keeping an eye out — but not a constant, professional level one — scratching was going to happen.
NTA. We trained our cat to not scratch furniture by giving her a little treat every time she scratches her scratch post. It has worked beautifully though she’s s little chubby now hehe.
your mom chose the literal worst fabric for a cat owner and is now taking her Christmas anxiety out on a cat that’s just been being a cat for ten years.
YTA- cats scratch, pee on the floor, and dor other unwanted behaviors unless you train them not to. It doesn’t sound like you are willing to stop the cat when you see him doing bad behavior. It is the whole family’s responsibility to look out for any pets, which includes stopping unwanted behavior. Pick the cat up and move him to a scratch post, or distract with with a toy. He will learn that it isn’t tolerated and lose interest. Cover chairs with blankets when not in use so they can’t be gotten to.
I’m sure from your mom’s point of view, she is trying her hardest to make the house look nice for the whole family, and her family can’t even be bothered to try to keep the cat from ripping up the furniture. Instead they will watch the cat engage in unwanted behavior and tell her that she is unrealistic for wanting help in managing the family pet.
NTA. Cats are cats. Personally I would’ve opted for a nice deep clean of the upholstery if I knew my cat scratches everything (which she does). Your mom has lived with your cat just as long as you have. She knows her scratching habits and should’ve picked a much tighter weave if she really insisted on replacing all of it
Your mother is an irresponsible pet owner if she is yelling at an animal for a natural behavior. The cat doesn’t know why she is yelling. It only knows that this once loving person is now scary and may not be trustworthy later. Cats scratch because they have to shed old nail sheaths. If they don’t shed the old sheath it can cause infections in their paws.
Does your cat have scratching posts? If not get some and place them near the furnishings. Rub them down in catnip to encourage scratching there.
Treat the furnishings with PET SAFE repellent sprays. There are also hard clear coverings that can be placed over the furnishings in places the cat prefer to scratch. You can also purchase attractive soft fabric coverings (but only if you don’t care if the cat scratches these).
If all else fails you can try claw capping your cat’s nails. Be aware these caps need to be removed every 3 to 6 weeks to avoid injury to the animal but can be reapplied. Your cat may attempt to chew them off.
I am sorry your mother lacks the emotional regulation and responsibility to be a decent pet owner.
You are NTA. Your mother is unreasonable and needs to think shit through.
I wouldn’t apologize because you are absolutely right. She knows you have a cat that scratches and if she did the least amount of research , she could have found scratch resistant furniture covers. They do exist. But now she’s yelling at a cat for just being a fact , and you for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Let her stay mad.She is being stupid.
NAH. Try this: Put scratching boards next to places where the cat wants to scratch the furniture. They’re cheap. There are also some products to guard upholstery from cats. Figure out what’s bothering Mom and causing all the screaming. Defuse the situation.
Simply say sorry… & explain you knew she was being optimistic about Buddy being better regarding the scratching/not scratching but you thought you’d gone over likely outcomes.
Explain that you mate no argument are in sensitivity, and that y’all will try to persuade the cat. I think they perhaps have some kind of spray that’s determine to cats that you could perhaps by as a gesture. She’s trying to make the house look better and it’s probably feeling defeated now so it’s not so hard to say sorry if I upset you.
I would’ve probably done what your mother did and been hopeful, but I probably would also have done what you did in my cool because it was obvious the cat was most likely to keep up with the same behavior !
Good luck and I don’t think it’s big enough a deal to call you A in this situation.
G’luck!