last year, my parents threw a big family gathering, and during the event, I felt singled out and criticized in front of everyone for minor things the way I dressed, how I talked, even small lifestyle choices. It made me really uncomfortable, and I left early.
This year, they invited me again, and I’m honestly dreading it. I told them I won’t be attending unless they can guarantee it’ll be different. They got upset and said I’m overreacting, making them look bad in front of relatives, and that family events are about togetherness, not feelings.
I feel like I’m standing up for myself and my mental health, but they’re framing it as me being disrespectful or dramatic.
AITA for skipping the family event because of how I was treated last time?
Like…what was their issue overall? What are they making fun of? I mean, how is the way you talk different from how you’ve always talked…and have they always made fun of you for that?
I feel something is missing?
100%. Need some examples and context here to make a judgment.
Why does what they were making fun of matter at all? That isn’t an appropriate way to address an issue.
If you don’t want to go, then don’t go. But don’t get into an argument with them over it because folks think their logic and reasoning is always the best, so they get angry when it doesn’t work on someone.
Just because you share DNA doesn’t mean you have to accept being someone’s punching bag. Why would you want to be around people who don’t respect you let alone like you?
NTA.
>They got upset and said I’m overreacting, making them look bad in front of relatives, and that family events are about togetherness, not feelings.
They have made it clear that they do not care about how you feel and are more concerned with their own image.
Nta
My mother is like this. It’s like the minute she has an audience she has to go out of her way to bring attention to my every little flaw and then frames it as “teasing.” Any embarrassing moment she can share she will. Any little shot she can take at my character is made. In private she says nothing to me about any of these things but the minute I’m in a social situation where she can point these things out to others she does. I’ve started giving her dirty looks or flat out not responding and reading things on my phone when she says things about me that are rude. Not going is also an option I take frequently but sometimes it can’t be avoided. I gave up on telling her how hurt I am when she does this to me because she just tells me not to be so sensitive. You don’t have to put up with that kind of treatment.
Have you tried “Mom, shut the fuck up?”
Or the setting boundaries way of telling her you will leave the second she starts up and then following thru?
“Family events are about togetherness, not feelings”.
That’s the most absurd thing I’ve read on here in a long time. Sooo, they don’t care if everyone hates each other as long as they’re together?
No reason to want to be together with these idiots OP, none at all. Family is not everything. Find some friends who respect you for what and who you are.
NTA. Why would you trust any guarantee from them, though? Just don’t attend any family events.
So it makes them look bad in front of relatives if you’re not there to let them make you look bad in front of relatives?
NTA being together is not about putting up with abuse either.
NTA
you don’t have to put up with their comments for the sake of “togetherness”, your feelings are important. If they can’t behave normally, you don’t have to attend.
NTA but consider going and practice fending off critics and holding your ground. I’d tell them, “You’re right, I’ll come because it’s about family not feelings.” Then based on the criticisms they tend to make, be ready with relaxed comebacks, “Wow, you really dress that way?” You: “Yep, I like sticking with what’s in fashion, it’s generational right?” “you talk funny.” You: “yep, learned it from my family. Think we should all go for speech therapy?” “It’s weird you like stuff like xx?” “I like hobbies that are creative and interesting, it feels good to stretch my mind. And what do you do after work?” If your parents get uneasy remember, it’s not about feelings, it’s family, right?