So I am currently a freshman and I met my roommate over instagram. We became pretty closer over the summer and talked a lot about our interests and quickly found out that we had a lot in common. We met twice before starting school in August of 2025 and we became close. We would go out every weekend together, go get dinner together, and ect. During halloween weekend is when we got closer but this was also around the time where I started to get a thought about transferring closer to home (i live 6.5 hours away from home and I cannot just go home whenever I want because I do not have a car). I mentioned it about 3 times because I just wasn’t having a good time here and I thought the school was just a little too small for me, but she would just tell me to stay.
The day I realized I was going to transfer was November 12th on Wednesday (it is december 2nd today). I was talking to my therapist about it because I felt stuck, she told me to follow my heart and my heart told me it was time to be closer to home. So I walked back to my dorm while calling my parents and telling them my decision. I told them I was really sad telling my roommate because we have gotten so much closer and while I don’t really enjoy the school I enjoyed being her roommate and we had a lot of fun together.
After I got back to my dorm I decided to tell her right away. "Hey, I have decided to transfer, I just dont think this school is for me." Her reaction was NOT what I was expecting, she reacted with anger and told me "it has been 3 months, you haven’t even given it a chance, how could you make this decision now." I was a bewildered because WTF? She didn’t even let me explain myself. Shortly after she left the dorm and didn’t come back until after I was asleep.
She left the next Thursday to go home and we haven’t had a really convo since. (she lives 3 hours away and has a car)
After she came back, she has left me out of every plans she has made with our friends and has not invited me since, and last Friday (the day we were both leaving to go home for thanksgiving break) my long distance boyfriend got into an accident with landed him in the hospital and when I told her she said "oh that sucks." and never once followed up asking if he was okay.
I just don’t understand what I did wrong in this situation because me leaving was never about her and I don’t understand why she is leaving me out and shutting me out like I did something horrible. I understand she is upset because I would be upset too if she told me she was transferring, but I wouldn’t be mad at her for it?
Thank you for listening.
EDIT: (we both live in a dorm so she does not have to pay more if I leave)
You didn’t do anything wrong. People are just weird sometimes, not much you can do about it
NTA. It’s your life you gotta live it. It sucks they reacted that way. But you’ve got to put yourself first
So, you’re both about 20, right?
It takes some emotional maturity to realise that other people’s decisions aren’t made because of you, and that other people don’t think about you as much.
NTA or NAH — your flatmate has some emotional growth to do.
we’re both 18 freshman in college, and thank you so much.
INFO: is she going to have to pay more for rent because you’re leaving?
also as a side note, i think you are being a little hasty with your decision and you low key didnt really give it much of a chance, but you do you
NTA. Your decision had nothing to do with her. You decided that the school wasn’t a good fit for you and you wanted to transfer. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay at the school for the sake of your roommate. All you owed her was to let her know that you’ve decided to transfer, which you did. (You also did well in advance of the end of the semester, so she has time to find another roommate.)
She’s allowed to be sad that you’re leaving, but she should understand that you have to do what’s best for you. She shouldn’t be treating you poorly because of you decision to transfer schools. Her reaction is excessive.
NTA. She’s not a true friend. She saw you as an accessory – someone she could count on to come along regardless of the activity. If she’s not mature enough to accept that YOU are prioritizing YOUR needs, she isn’t the sort of friend you want anyway.
A good friend would be happy for you and proud of you for listening to your gut.
NAH honestly.
You have you own health to think about. And if you don’t feel the school is right for you after 3 months, that’s your choice.
But your roommate is losing a friend and that’s a hard thing to deal with. Maybe she just doesn’t want to spend any emotional resources on you since you will be leaving, so she is shutting you out of her life. You decided to end the friendship with her (and let’s be honest that is what is happening here, you may remain Instagram friends but you won’t be friends) when you decided to transfer out, so she’s just accepting it.
Why should she continue to include you in her life when you decided to leave? If you think “That’s not what a friend would do” well you decided you no longer are friends by transferring out. It sucks, but that’s what is happening here.
NAH here. You can transfer to where you want especially closer to home, but she also has a right to her feelings too of you leaving. Leaving you out of plans sucks but that’s just life sometimes.
NAH.
You need to do what is right for you. She’s been your roommate and friend for only 3 months. You don’t need to consider her feelings for life-altering decisions.
It is 100% understandable that she feels betrayed. Besides losing a friend, now she has to find a new roommate, or be stuck with someone random. She is shunning you now because she is disconnecting the friendship before you leave forever. If friendship was a job, she’d be saying “You can’t fire me; I quit!”
It was considerate of you to tell her right away, to give her more time to prepare. But if you didn’t want to deal with her being upset about it for weeks, you should have waited until finals were over.
I just didn’t realize she would take it like this. I thought she would say something like “damn thats sad and i’ll miss you but i understand why” and not shut me out for 3 weeks. I know she has every right to be upset because she has to find a new roommate and it is a sad thing but not talking to me feels excessive…
NTA. You didnt do anything wrong. She’s bad at processing and expressing emotion. She’s likely sad because your’e leaving and feeling a bit abandoned, so she’s responding by pushing you away to avoid these emotions. Some people are like that, social-emotionally stunted.
NTA. My freshman year best friend told me she was moving back home at the end of the academic year and she was from across the country. I told her I was really sad but understood she needed to do what was best for her and that we would still talk and plan visits with each other (which we did). This girl needs to grow up.
NTA.
BUT I agree with her in a sense that you *could* give it more time. But that doesn’t excuse her behavior after telling her.
Good luck!