We’re all freshmen in college, and I live in a triple. To start, I have POTs and am really sensitive to the heat, and it causes me to pass out. The heating system is right next to my bed and across the room from my roommate Casey (fake name). Casey has circulation problems that make her cold easily.
When I enter the room, I think it’s actually pretty warm in the room, but then I hear Casey talking to our other roommate, Alyssa(also fake name), about being cold. Alyssa isn’t cold, I’m too hot, and Casey is cold. Casey asks if she can turn up the heat while Alyssa and I point a fan at the two of us during the night. She says she won’t touch the heat if we aren’t okay with it. To me, this didn’t really make sense, and since our room gets really hot easily, we’ve kept the heat off for a reason. So I say “is that really necessary? Do you need an extra blanket? I’ve got one you can use. I just think it’ll end up getting too hot, and then we’ll all be miserable.” Something along those lines. I think my tone was rather matter-a-fact, but I also didn’t really consider this to be a pressing matter.
Later, Alyssa calls me out in front of Casey and our suite mate for being rude. She reenacts the situation, and I still don’t get why I was wrong. She asks me questions like “how would you feel if you were told to bundle up when you asked to touch the heat” and I didn’t really answer them because I wouldn’t have been upset if that had happened. I know we’re different people and I’ll never truly understand how Casey felt in this situation, and I apologized for being rude (because I had to have done something wrong, and I’m genuinely sorry for causing harm) but I’m struggling to find the issue. Casey never added any impact because she had a bad day and didn’t feel like talking, and the suite mate just left saying it was too awkward for her.
I keep having conflict after conflict with these girls, and I’m always the one in the wrong. I have a therapist and I’m actively working through my issues, but I’m struggling to find things that aren’t issues. It feels like I do everything wrong, and I’m getting really frustrated with myself. I just need some outside perspective, because I’m usually really good at recognizing my wrongdoings, and I want to improve and not hurt anyone, but it’s hard. Thank you and please be honest with me.
So far, without knowing the temperature you’re using, ESH.
All of you need to work out a compromise.
It’s 72 degrees Fahrenheit in the room
Nah that’s already too hot for me. Any warmer than that would be ridiculous for a shared room. You should edit your post to contain this info because I think a lot of the people saying you’re the AH would feel differently if they knew you already had the room at a reasonable temperature. Regardless, I feel like the person who runs hottest should generally have a bigger say in what the heat is set to since you can always add blankets/bundle up but there are only so many layers you can take off. NTA.
INFO. Why is the one who is always cold not sleeping next to the heater? This seems like the fundamental fix to everyone’s problem. This is what y’all need to focus on. Regardless of who’s “wrong,” the three of you need to figure out how to resolve this. Or everyone is going to be miserable for the rest of the school year.
Without more context, I’m between NTA & ESH. It sounds like miscommunication 🤷♀️
Is it possible for your school to help you achieve a living situation more suitable to your Medical needs? As a last resort, if you and the girls cannot find compromise?
Do your roommates know about your condition?
PS good for you going to therapy. I am a big believer that every single one of us humans desperately needs it! Mental illness or not.
YTA sorry. I have epilepsy and also if I overheat I can have a seizure which sucks, but also I’m in a constant state of feeling freezing. I take 2 hot ass baths a day just to warm up (even in summer particularly) cause being bone cold is worse than any seizure I’ve ever had.
Let your roommate turn up the heat ffs and you can use a cooling rag since you suggested just blankies.
YTA. Why can you touch the heat and she can’t? You need to work this out together, you’ve both got a problem with the heat. Tip: switch beds.
I guess I’m leaning towards ESH. Can you and Casey just switch beds so she is next to the heat and you are on the other side of the room where it is cooler? This seems to be the easiest immediate solution. If not a good solution, then as another noted – it may be time to look for different housing that fits your individual medical needs. It sucks all around.
INFO: Why don’t you switch so she’s in front of the heater? It’d probably mean she’d turn up the less.
Also, why don’t you have a single? If you have a condition that’s going to limit you from using the heat (apparently to a reasonable heat since both of your roommates are fine with it, it’s not like she’s asking to turn it up to 200 degrees), you should be able to get accommodations from your college.
Also, you could probably use a cooling device as easily as she could use a blanket. Just pointing that out. You could make an agreement for her to get to put the heat on sometimes and you use a cooling blanket or fans and other times you’ll leave it off and she’ll use extra blankets or bundle up. Your needs aren’t more important than hers just because they’re yours, but hers also aren’t more important just because they’re hers. You have to compromise.
Seing as she has an issue with cold and you with heat this wil remain an issue is the heater next to you or just the controls? Cause if it is cant you two swap or something and only turnnon the heater on her side. If not someone is going to have to start looking for another place. And seeing as they do get along i reckon it would be you
Uhhh, YTA. Why not just switch beds with Casey?
Your tone was very condescending. You have reasonable concerns but it’s kind of insane that you don’t seem to have tried the kindergarten method of just moving away from the thing bothering you aka switch beds. I’m very sensitive as well and I don’t sleep by the heat because that’s nuts.
You want her to have a blanket but what are you doing to stay cool? A fan on you while the other is more comfortable is a reasonable compromise. There’s also cool touch pillows and blankets. Have you considered any of that?