I’m 27F, single, and live in a cozy apartment where I work from home as a freelance writer. my sister (30F) has a high-energy labrador that’s adorable but a handful barks a lot, chews things if bored, and needs constant attention. for the past year, she’s been showing up randomly to leave him with me for hours while she runs errands or goes out, assuming it’s fine because family helps family. I’ve accommodated it a few times, but it disrupts my workflow, and last time, he got into my laundry basket and shredded some clothes. i sat her down and said I love her and the dog, but I need advance notice and can’t always say yes, so no more surprise drop offs. she burst into tears, accusing me of not supporting her as a single mom wait, she’s not a mom, but she calls the dog her "fur baby" and said I’m selfish for prioritizing my "quiet time" over family now she’s texting our parents about how unreliable I am, and they’re gently suggesting i be more flexible. part of me feels guilty because she does have a busy schedule with her job, and maybe I could adjust my routine more. Is it wrong to need boundaries like this? AITA?
NTA.
Charge her a fee from now on to be payable up front for room and board. Surprise visit means more fees. Damage, more fees.
Write the invoice up each time. Get her to sign it. Everytime she drops the dog off.
Take her to court when she refuses to pay for something if it gets that far.
NTA. You didn’t buy a dog – your sister did. Unannounced chaos is unacceptable. Your sister should find a doggy daycare or pet sitter if needed.
Seconded. Same opinion. NTA, they bought the dog, not you.
On some level, I’d sat it’s kind of like “this is family” in the way that my brother COULD drop off my nephew for a while in a pinch… but he wouldn’t do it without telling me ahead of time, and he wouldn’t pressure me to do it if I refused.
He made the decision to have kids and accepted everything that came with that without assuming he could push it onto me. BECAUSE he took that stance, I’m always willing to help him out.
Same thing with a pet, like this situation.
Exactly. And since she’s such a struggling “single mom”, she should probably look into getting child support from the dog’s father to pay for that daycare. 💀
NTA Your sister has chosen to have a high energy dog that requires a lot of attention. You have not chosen that. She is being ridiculous
NTA. She needs to train her dog. This is the reason there are so many dogs in super markets and restaurants now. Bad dog owners getting dogs and not taking the time to train them to be left alone.
NTA!!!
Her dog, her responsibility.
I would never randomly drop my dog off to family/friends place just to go run errands. Leave the dog at home!
Also, if she’s too busy to take care of her dog, she needs to either get a dog walker, send the dog to dog daycare, or re-home it.
Like I said – her responsibility. She chose to take on this responsibility.
NTA. Even if this was an actual human baby and she was a mother, this would be unacceptable behavior. If she wants someone to be ready for her whims, she needs to pay somebody to be on call. She does not get to just shove the cost of her life choices on your plate because she feels like it.
Some doggy daycares allow pretty spontaneous drop offs; if you’re feeling generous and have the spare time, you could check and see if you’ve got one nearby that has a suitably flexible drop off arrangement. You don’t owe her that of course, but it would be a kind and generous thing to help her with.
As for your parents…how often are they giving up chunks of their work time to help your sister with this dog? Sounds like maybe it’s time they try “being more flexible” and start contributing.
>now she’s texting our parents about how unreliable I am, and they’re gently suggesting i be more flexible
Every time a a private issue escalated to a group to attempt to pressure someone to do something, it’s an automatic NTA for the poster and a YAH for the antagonist in the narrative. You’re clearly in the right. You don’t have the space or inclination to take care of her “fur baby” at your place, particularly on a no-notice drop-in. Anyone that thinks differently can step up to do the duty.
Oh, so we’ve replaced (kids) with (dog) in the template. Cool.
“Single mom” 😭😭😭😭😭 no way
NTA I would stop answering the door when she comes over. Can’t leave the dog in my house if you cant get in my house.
Sounds like your parents volunteered to take the dog anytime. Tell your sister that.
Honestly, the parents are only preaching “flexibility” because their house isn’t the one getting its laundry shredded right now. It’s incredibly easy to be generous with someone else’s peace and quiet.