My little sister Amber 23F was dating Ron 26M for about two years. I’ve known Ron practically his whole life. We grew up around each other, and over the years we’ve become really close. We watch football together almost every weekend during the season, have BBQs in the summer, and he’s the kind of guy who will show up to help you move or fix something without being asked twice. He’s genuinely a good guy and goes out of his way for his friends and family. The only downside is he’s kind of a big goof and sometimes sticks his foot in his mouth trying to be funny.
Recently, our cousin and her husband came over to my place with their 8 month old baby. Amber and Ron were there too. Everyone was cooing over the baby. At one point Ron was holding him, and the baby grabbed onto Ron’s beard and seemed fascinated by it. Ron laughed and jokingly said to my sister, “Can’t wait till you give me one of those.”
My sister replied, “Uh, you’ll be waiting.”
Ron then said, in a completely joking tone, “You don’t have a choice.”
I laughed, and so did our cousin and her husband because it very clearly a dumb joke. Even Amber kind of chuckled in the moment.
Later that week, Amber told me she had broken up with Ron after confronting him about the comment. She said it bothered her and made her uncomfortable. I told her I thought she was overreacting and that Ron is just an idiot sometimes when he jokes. I don’t think he meant it seriously at all. I said she was dumping a good guy over something silly.
She got upset and said I wasn’t supporting her.
YTA Rape jokes aren’t funny. Force pregnancy is a real thing and something many women are afraid of. YTA!
YTA
Joking about coercion isn’t a joke.
YTA. It is offensive, not amusing, for Ron to tell someone that they don’t have any choice about whether they will have sex or get pregnant with him. Tone of voice doesn’t matter – there’s no tone of voice that makes such a statement amusing.
YTA. How is it obviously a joke to say she has no choice?? First comment, ok. But the follow up? To a woman? Instead of acknowledging that it was inappropriate and telling her you can see how it came across as out of line even if you didn’t perceive it that way, you totally dismiss her discomfort! Your own sister? Just guys being guys? Just a joke? Oof. Super tone deaf. You owe her an apology.
YTA. Taking away someone’s bodily autonomy is not a joking matter. She doesn’t want to date someone who makes her uncomfortable and you should not try to convince her she should.
YTA, that joke wasn’t funny. Amber probably felt like she had to laugh along to diffuse the situation. And I’d assume there was a further conversation she and Ron had prior to the breakup, so if he had dismissed her concerns or doubled down I really couldn’t blame her for ending things.
YTA Please explain how that was a joke. Seriously, I do not understand what’s funny about forced reproduction. Also, how do you know that the “joke” was the only reason she dumped him. Do you know how he reacted to being confronted about his “joke”.
YTA – What is funny about the joke, exactly? Explain it for me.
YTA. That’s a huge red flag and you’d just have your own sister ignore it?
How did he react when she confronted him? Since they broke up I’m guessing there were a lot more red flags in that conversation.
Nothing about that is funny. Like, the most hilarious professional comedian in the world could say that “joke” with absolute perfect comedic timing, and they’d be cancelled forever. Because it’s not a joke.
There is nothing funny about it. Not on any level.
I suspect he wasn’t joking.
Here’s a few tips:
Never tell a woman she’s overreacting in general.
Never tell a woman she’s overreacting about rape/forced childbirth.
When a man jokes about rape/forced childbirth, you kick them out of your house and never speak to them again.
When your little sister tells you that the man she’s dating is making her uncomfortable/hurting her – you believe her, you console her, and you help her break up with the asshole.
You don’t defend the asshole. If you do, you then become the asshole. YTA.
YTA. That “joke” was disgusting. It suggested rape and forced pregnancy. What is wrong with you?
So, we’re going to blame the woman who had someone joke to her about getting raped, and not the man who made the joke? YTA
Also, how do you know that this was a one off comment (“she’s overreacting”) and not a pattern of inappropriate behavior where she finally reached her breaking point?
Enjoy your rape-joke BBQ’s and NFL hangouts, ew.
If it’s so funny, explain the joke to me. Go on, I’m listening. YTA.
YTA. To a woman, that’s a threat, not a joke. Forcible impregnation is very common.