I (18F) told my sister (24F) to grow up. For some context my sister was always the shy one that never liked to ask for stuff, so I did most of it growing up. It was mostly stuff like ordering for her or asking if stores had something in stock. However lately it’s been getting worse. My sister has been thing about moving out and I was happy for her. She took me to look at some apartments with her for what I thought was just to get a second opinion. I was wrong. I found out recently that she only took me because she wanted me to ask the them about pricing/ amenities they have. When I found this out I asked her why she wanted me to ask if she is the one that will be living there. She responded with “I don’t know how to ask”. Honestly I was taken a back and told her that I can’t be with her all the time to help her ask for things. Which she then told me that if she needed me to ask for something for her then she would call me to ask or not ask until I was free. I told her that she needed to grow up as I won’t be with her at all times especially as I am planning to start college in a different state soon. She got quiet and told our mom, our mom just told me to get over it and that family helps family. But I honestly feel like if she doesn’t learn how to ask for herself then she’ll just hold herself back from everything she wants to do.
NTA, at this point you would be enabling her if you continued to ask for her. I agree with you, she does need to come out of her shell.
NTA. It’s almost as if your sister’s asking you to live her life for her. Your mom is the biggest AH as she is atrocious in her enabling of your sister’s dysfunction.
NTA, I used to have this issue when I was a kid. It stopped when I was 11 or so, she needs to learn social skills. It’s harder to not try at all
NTA. Your mother told ***YOU*** that ***YOU*** need to get over it?! Looks as if sis may be beginning to find her voice: “She got quiet and told our mom.” The best way for you to help your sister is to do what you’re doing and insist that she learn to make her own way in the world.
Tell her to start calling her mother. Mom will change her mind soon enough……..
NAH. It sounds like your sister has anxiety, which is a mental health condition. I struggle with it as well, but at some point you gotta do things in spite of your anxiety. You’re not wrong for being frustrated by it, she does need to become more self-sufficient, but she’s not an AH for having anxiety. Its not as simple as just “growing up”
NTA. Your sister does need to grow up, and your parent’s reaction tells me why. She’s being coddled. Your family is setting her up for failure. Especially if she can’t ask a simple question like “What amenities does this apartment have?” That’s it, 6 words. How tf is she supposed to live by herself and function in society if she can’t even talk to people? Is her solution for her whole life to just call you if she needs something from someone? Like are we being serious?
NTA. If your sister has anxiety, that’s something she needs to sort out and get treatment for. Using you as a crutch is not an acceptable solution. She DOES need to grow up, whether that means doing it on her own or getting treatment for whatever issue she may have that is holding her back.
NTA Your mom is setting her up for failure and lack of independence. I have severe anxiety so I do understand the stress it may cause your sister to ask these things BUT she needs to see a therapist and the more she does those things the better and more comfortable she will get.
NTA – you aren’t wrong, she can’t be moving out if she’s relying on you to ask things for her. She needs to not be so dependent on other people and I think she should look into getting some sort of help for this, but this isn’t your responsibility. She needs to put the work in.
You could, playing the devil’s advocate here for a moment, make her a checklist of things a person would want to know when looking at apartments. Then she could do it herself, with a little assistance (by way of the checklist) from you. And you won’t need to be there.
NTA. You’re right, your sister needs to grow up. I agree with another commenter that she might have anxiety issues that needs professional help to overcome, but that doesn’t mean she has free license to rely on you indefinitely. It might be time for you to start pulling back and not being available to help her all the time. I don’t mean withdrawing your help completely, but stop helping her with everything. Start making social plans with your friends so you have a legitimate reason to be unavailable, in case your sister and/or your mum start to accuse you of avoiding helping your sister.
ESH, your sister can’t rely on you like this. But I don’t think it’s an issue of growing up, she needs therapy and possibly, medication for her anxiety or whatever is going on cause it’s unusual. Your mom is not helping your sister or you.