What’s the deal with people **choosing** to have kids without marriage, a full-time job with health benefits (for baby *and* mom’s sake), and/or a stable place to live?
Yes, I understand that sex education is lacking in many regions, socioeconomics play into this dynamic, and/or religion or politics may be a factor. However, for *those who actively* ***choose*** to have children without being "prepared" (emotionally, financially, mentally), what is the possible reason??
I agree with you except for the marriage part. Marriage changes basically nothing when it comes to kids since so many end up divorcing anyway and it’s just a tax write off. A lot of people don’t even deserve to raise children as it is. I felt that I didn’t deserve to have kids until I met my current boyfriend
It changes things legally. It’s much harder to get child support out of marriage
No it isn’t. If you can prove parentage enough for custody, it’s enough for child support. In my state, the parent seeking child support can just sue the other parent, and the onus is on the parent being sued to prove they AREN’T the parent.
Not in developed nations, it isn’t. Marriage is only a factor in places that are still actively and explicitly punishing births outside of wedlock as a matter of law. There aren’t many countries that do that.
Do dads not need health benefits?
YTA. Not even up for debate.
I mean yeah, YTA. Are they your kids? no? Then how is it your business? You have no idea what’s going on in any given family, even those you personally know. All you’re doing is making assumptions about other people’s circumstance but you aren’t in the room with them when they’re budgeting and paying bills.
no, you’re not the asshole. people just don’t like hearing unpleasant truths.
YTA for not minding your own business. It doesn’t affect you if people choose to have children or not. Sounds like you wanted a discussion on the merits of your opinion here, but this is not the sub for that.
OP is NTA, but E(else)SH.
These kids, OP’s or not, don’t have the choice to be here — *we* make that choice (most of the time, unless you live in like, Texas).
And these kids certainly don’t have *any say* in what kind of environment they’re going to be brought into, who their parents are, etc,
Do *they* get to choose if they’ll be supported; emotionally, physically, educationally, financially or otherwise? No. *We* do.
And if they *aren’t* supported, that’s a strain on the *rest of us.*
That strain affects our teachers, our community resources, federal funding, housing, natural resources, our religious organizations… the list goes on.
And that strain is no fault of *these kids.* In OP’s scenario, it’s *our* fault.
And if it’s *not our fault* directly, it’s systemic. Or, it’s something else that’s broken.
But that *becomes* our fault when whatever is broken is ignored.
Having kids is selfish because *we* make the choice to have them. It’s not the other way around.
NTA. It’s unfortunate how easy it is for two idiots to make a baby without any regard for the child’s life. I watched my best friend have her first child willingly at 19 while basically on the verge of homelessness. She dropped out of college, moved in with her boyfriend, covered his share of rent several times because he can’t keep a job, they both are in debt from racking up speeding tickets, and then stopped using condoms and didn’t get her IUD replaced (could’ve done it for free at PP) because he wanted to be a father.
Mind you he’s in active addiction. While she was 8 months pregnant, in his passenger seat, he decided to show off at a car meet and spin out. He messed up and crashed the passenger side into a light pole, and she had to go to the hospital. Luckily she and the baby were okay.
There are a lot of people who don’t have access to resources but there’s also a lot of people like my friend and her boyfriend who are literally just dumb and selfish so I think you’re absolutely right.
Out right carelessness, some women get pregnant for entrapment.
It’s crazy how many pregnancies are the result of being irresponsible and a lot of women do this over and over again with multiple men.
The men don’t want to be responsible for their own child let alone take on the burden of two or three other kids that are not even theirs so the mother turns to welfare and so begins the multi generational way of life.